She smiles. “I know.”
She takes a deep breath, and I feel like she’s just relieved some of her burden.
“You’ve never seen him?”
“No. I’m allowed to. It was an open adoption. But I never have.”
“Why not?”
“I’m afraid that if I ever get my hands on him I won’t be able to let him go.” Her voice breaks again. “Or worse—what if I see him and he hates me? I wouldn’t be able to stand myself. It’s hard enough knowing that he doesn’t know who I am. If he hates me, too, I won’t be able to take it.”
“Thank you for telling me,” I say softly.
“I should have told you sooner. I’m very sorry I didn’t.”
“You’re it for me. You know that, right?” I blurt out.
The words hang there like a lit firecracker between us. I can see the fuse burning, and I’m just waiting for it to explode.
“I know you want me to be it. But I’m not sure that I am. I think you can do better.”
“I disagree.” No doubt about it.
“Can you give me some time?”
“How much?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll know when I know.”
“I guess I’ll know when you know.” I chuckle. But my heart feels so much lighter. I meant to take her burden from her, but I know I didn’t because I don’t feel any heavier. If anything, I feel lighter, just knowing she shared with me.
The door opens, and Emily and Logan walk back into the room. Logan looks from Friday to me and back, and then he smiles and his chest bellows with air.
“What?” I ask.
“Dude, I’m just glad she didn’t kill you. That’s all.” He makes a scratching like a cat motion with his hands and says, “Meow!”
She fucking kills me every time she turns those green eyes on me. But I’d die a thousand deaths just for one look from her. “Are you ready to go home?” I ask her.
She nods and hands Kit to Logan. He takes her, already looking like he’s comfortable with Kit. He’s her dad. I guess he should be. Logan kisses Friday’s cheek, and I pull Emily to me and hug her. “Thank you,” I say in her ear.
Emily chucks my shoulder and doesn’t say anything.
We walk out, and I realize that I can’t put Friday on the back of my bike because she’s pregnant, so I don’t even let her know it’s there. I flag a cab and get in it with her. I’ll get my bike tomorrow. I text Logan and tell him it’s there if he needs to use it. He replies and tells me that he’ll see to it.
I pull Friday into me, and she lays her face on my shirt. Her hot breaths trickle down my collar and make me feel all warm inside.
“Just give me some time,” she says quietly against my chest.
I nod, and the bottom of my chin brushes the top of her head, so she’s aware that I’ve responded. She takes a deep breath and settles into me.
When we get home, I really want to take her to my bed. I want to hold her and be sure she’s all right. But she says good night to me at her door, and she closes it behind her. I stand there and feel peaceful just knowing she’s safe in my house, close to me. And so are her memories.
Friday
It has been two weeks since I came clean to Paul, and it’s been two weeks since he’s kissed me. He holds my hand all the time, so much that I sometimes wonder if I’m going to sprout roots and just be permanently attached to him. But he hasn’t kissed me. Yes, we’ve cuddled on the couch, and I can feel his dick straining against his pants, straining against me, but he still doesn’t kiss me. His lips haven’t touched a single part of my body. Not even once. Not since I bared my soul to him.
Tonight, I need his help with something, and I’m afraid to ask him so I call Garrett, instead. “Do you think you could come over and help me?” I ask.
“What kind of thing do you need help with?” I can tell he’s busy because there’s noise and laughter in the background.
“I need to be painted.”
I hear a door close and the noise vanishes. “Say that again,” he says.
“I need to be painted. Do you remember that contest I told you about? My model dropped out, and I have this kick-ass design I’ve worked on for the past month. I don’t want to miss out. It has a five-thousand-dollar prize.”
“And you think I can paint you?” he scoffs. “I have no artistic ability whatsoever. I can’t even do crafts. None of them. I’m bad at them all.”
“It’s just shading. I’ll transfer the design onto my skin, and then you just paint like a paint-by-numbers kind of thing.” I’m begging. But this design is seriously beastly, and I want to share it with the world. I can win. I know I can. “Don’t worry,” I plead. “I’m not even going to ask you to paint my boobs. I can do that part myself. I just need for you to do my back. Can you do it?”