Protector(57)

He let go of her hands, instead wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, his mouth still exploring hers, and it was all heat and need and a wild racing sensation through her entire body, so strong, so unexpected, that she found it hard to breathe. It had never felt like this before when someone was kissing her — not that she had a huge amount of experience. Even so, she was fairly certain she could have kissed a hundred guys, and none of those kisses would have come anywhere close to what she was experiencing now.

Gasping, she finally recovered herself enough to pull away, to lift her mouth from his, although doing so felt harder than anything else she’d ever done. But she knew she had to stop kissing him, or she’d never be able to get her tumbling thoughts in order.

Alex didn’t try to stop her; something in his expression seemed to show that he understood she needed her space right now. She set her hands down flat on the sofa cushion, felt the soft leather against her skin, the floor beneath her feet. Okay. That was a little better. At least now the world didn’t feel as if it was spinning out of control all around her.

“What the hell are we doing?” she whispered at last.

He took her hand and held it in his. Maybe she should have tried to pull away, but she really didn’t want to. His fingers were so strong, so warm. They felt real, something she could cling to in a world that had become strange and frightening.

“I don’t know,” he said at last, his voice also quiet, yet filled with its own urgency. “I’ve been trying to fight it, but when I looked over at you right then — I don’t know…it just seemed like I couldn’t control it anymore. Did you — did you not want me to?”

She’d wanted him to kiss her, more than anything. And that was the real problem. If she’d met him under different circumstances, then she wouldn’t have minded one bit. Yes, there could be some difficulties in getting romantically involved with someone from another clan, but the McAllisters and the de la Paz family had always been more or less friendly. However, she hadn’t stayed down here to Tucson so she could hook up with Alex Trujillo. She was here because, flawed and useless as she felt right now, she was her friends’ best chance of rescue.

“No,” she said, and his brows pulled together. Oh, crap. That wasn’t what she’d meant. “That is, it’s not that I didn’t want you to kiss me. It’s just that…we shouldn’t be doing this at all. Not right now. Not with everything that’s going on.”

His face cleared a bit. “I get it. I feel the same way. But this pull…this attraction…whatever it is…it feels stronger. So I don’t know what to say about that.”

Caitlin didn’t, either. After all, it wasn’t as if she was a prima seeking her consort. That sort of connection was understandable…necessary, even. But she wasn’t the prima of her clan, and Alex sure as hell wasn’t the primus of his, so she couldn’t say their attraction was anything quite so cosmic, or at least foreordained. But it also went way beyond anything she’d experienced with anyone else. She’d had a couple of boyfriends, nothing serious, mainly because hiding her talents from her family was difficult enough without having to conceal those same gifts from the person she was romantically involved with. It could be that was part of this strange attraction to Alex — yes, he was good-looking and fun to be with, and kind and…all right, a whole bunch of positive adjectives — but he also knew the truth about her and didn’t care, didn’t even mind that she’d spent a good chunk of her life trying to avoid that truth.

“I don’t know, either,” she admitted. “And now, this” —she waved a hand in the direction of the kitchen, indicating the house in general— “is even more awkward. What are we supposed to do now?”

Without replying, he reached for the remote and turned off the TV altogether. After he’d set the remote back down on the coffee table, he took her hands in his again, his fingers twining around hers. Not tightly, though; he seemed to be telling her by the way he held her fingers that she could pull away anytime she wanted to, if she felt uncomfortable.

Strangely, though, she didn’t. It felt right to have his hands wrapped around hers, strong and comforting.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Alex said reasonably. “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want you to sleep in my room tonight — just because I think it’s safer, and not because I’m going to try anything.” He paused then, almost as if he hoped she might say that she did want him to try something. She wasn’t that crazy, though — not yet, anyway — and so he continued, “But I don’t see a problem with you staying here in the guest room or wherever you want to be. It really is best that we stick together, you know?”