Protect Me(61)

“I hope you have triplet girls,” I throw over my shoulder at my instantly quiet brother. It takes a lot to make his big mouth zip it, but I think I’ve actually succeeded. I look over at Lia who has a genuine happy smile on her face. Those smiles are so few and far between. I see them when we’re alone, but not nearly enough when we’re with other people. She gives Erin a huge hug and whispers something into her ear. Erin squeezes back as they exchange hugs for several moments.

Lia has been alone in this world for too long. First, as an unwanted pregnancy to a teenage mother. Then, to a prick of a man. Hell, he isn’t even a man. Any scum that thinks it is okay to knock around a woman deserves a slow, painful torture which leads to death. If I ever come face to face with Garrett Monahan, there’s no telling what I’ll do to him. It’ll be painful, I do know that.

I head inside the kitchen while the crowd starts to settle down. I grab a quick bottle of water from the fridge and pace. I don’t need the drink, but I feel like I need to do something. And this is a hell of a lot better than ripping the limbs off of someone right now.

After several minutes, I finally feel my blood pressure coming down. My breathing is returning to normal and my fists don’t feel the need to tighten like a boxer ready for his upcoming match. I walk over to the small window over the sink. Lia is standing by Josselyn and pushing Grant in one of the little swings. Grant is smiling from ear to ear and Lia seems to be just as happy.

“Have you told her yet?” Mom says from behind me. She has that stealthy Mom-mode that makes her unheard until the last possible second. That’s usually when she’s caught one of us into something we weren’t supposed to be into.

“Told her what?” I ask, fearing I already know the direction of the question.

“That you love her,” she replies.

I turn around and face my mom. Yep, that’s exactly where I figured she was going. “No,” I reply, unable to lie.

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated, Mom.”

“Isn’t love always complicated, Nate?”

“Yeah, but this is really complicated. She has had a pretty rough past and I don’t want to push her. Hell, I’m not sure I want it either,” I tell her, dropping my eyes to the floor.

“Nathan,” Mom says in her best mom voice as she fixes those blue eyes on me. “If you’re afraid of love, you’re going to let it slip through your fingers. Lia’s had a rough past. Well, so have you,” Mom says with a pointed look. “No, don’t try to deny it. I know what you went through after graduation.”

“How?” I ask incredulous.

“A mother always knows, Nate. I could see it in your eyes. Did you ask her to marry you?” she asks, approaching until she’s standing right in front of me.

“Yeah,” I croak out over the lump in my throat.

“And she said no.”

“Amongst other things. Yes, she said no,” I reply, crossing my arms over my chest protectively. I hate that I’m reliving this, yet again.

“Did she tell you why?”

“She said she wanted to live her life in college and that she didn’t want to be a firefighter’s wife. Or should I say, a firefighter’s widow.”

“Nate, every job has its risks. Heck, walking down the street has its risks. Yes, your job has more risks than others. That does not mean that you are doomed to die on the job. Firemen everywhere live full, happy lives with wives and kids. You can, too, Nate. That is, if you want it.” Mom looks me square in the eye. “Do you want it, Nate?”

I consider my answer, though deep down, I already know. “Yeah,” I whisper.

“Then, go get it. Don’t let your fear or your past keep you from the life you want. There is a reason Jill and you didn’t work out. Everything happens for a reason. Lia needs you. I see it in her eyes every time she looks at you. I know there is something going on in her life, something big and scary. I can tell by the way she’s always looking over her shoulder or jumps at the slightest noise. She was brought to Rivers Edge for a reason. You are the reason, Nate. Protect her. Love her. Let her love you. I promise you, it will be worth it.”

I consider my mom’s words and know she’s right. I think about the smile that I know is there, waiting to feel safe enough to come out. I’ve seen it more and more lately, but I want to see it all the time. I want to help her, protect her, and love her. Hell, I do love her already.

“How do you always know what to say?” I ask my mom with a smile.

“Jake asked me the same thing once. Look at him now,” she says and shrugs her head towards the window. Jake and Erin are snuggled under the oak tree in a chaise lounge, talking to Will and Travis.