So, I do. I wrap my arms firmly around her body, throw my leg over her side, and hold her. “How many times did you go down the stairs?” I ask, knowing I’m not going to like the answer one bit. One time is too much, let alone multiple times.
“Actually only one other time. It was the night I told him I was pregnant,” she whispers and my entire body goes still. My heart literally fucking stops beating in my chest. My nostrils flare and some sort of primal growl erupts from my chest.
“Pregnant?” I finally manage to bite out after several quiet minutes.
“Yeah. It wasn’t planned, believe me. Garrett thought I was trying to trap him with the pregnancy. I had been sick for several weeks and was on all kinds of strong antibiotics. Apparently, birth control pills aren’t as effective when you’re on certain antibiotics. I had just found out earlier in the day and told him that night. He didn’t take the news so well,” she mumbles, her words small and frail.
“And so he pushed you down the stairs?” I demand.
“Well, he’ll never admit to it, but yes. I was walking down just fine. He was behind me and says he saw me trip over my pant leg. I woke up in the hospital the next day with a severe concussion and no baby.”
“God, I’m so sorry, babe,” I say. Sorry just doesn’t seem like a strong enough word to express what I feel for the pain she’s endured.
“It’s okay,” she says. After a long pause, she continues, “You know, after it happened, I actually felt relieved. Not relieved that I lost the baby. No, that broke my heart on so many levels that I didn’t even know existed. I felt relieved that a small, helpless child wouldn’t have to grow up and face what I did every day. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to protect the baby.”
“You would have been the world’s best mother, Lia. Do you hear me? You would have done everything and anything to protect that child.”
“Don’t you see? I already failed.”
I flip her around so that she’s facing me. I stare deep into her eyes as I take in all of the hurt and pain she’s experienced. Her heart is cracked open and laying before me. I want nothing more than to pick up all of the pieces and make it whole again.
God, do I love this woman.
“Listen to me, beautiful. What happened to your baby was a complete tragedy and entirely not your fault. You did not push yourself down those stairs. And as far as feeling relief over what happened, that is your way of protecting that child. Deep down, you knew that the baby would have suffered the same fate as you, day in and day out. You wanted that baby, just not the life that was in store for it. If you want to honor that lost baby, then you fight. You fight and get your life back. Live, Lia. That’s all I want for you now. I want you to live your life on your terms. I want you to be happy,” I say sternly just before my lips lock on hers.
The kiss has urgency in it. I’m a complete bastard right now for even kissing her after the emotional rollercoaster she’s just been on. Yet, there’s something inside of me that can’t stop. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with what she’s told me. Maybe together, we can get past the grief and the hurt. I need to be as close as humanly possible right now.
“Make love to me, Nate,” she whispers against my lips. The words wash over me, surrounding me in warmth. Love. I want to shout those three little words from the rooftop and declare my feelings for her. But, I know that now is not the time to profess my love to her. Now, I need to cherish her and show her that not all love is painful.
I roll her over until she’s underneath me. Our hands are tugging at clothes, our fingers clawing at skin, and our mouths fusing together in that amazing erotic dance that is only for Lia and me.
I rip my t-shirt over my head as Lia dives to unbuckle my pants. Once my t-shirt is free, I make quick work at removing her soft blue cotton shirt and follow it up with tugging at her yoga pants. God bless yoga pants.
I strip us free of all remaining clothing and reach for the box of condoms that I tucked into the drawer of the nightstand sometime last week. I rip open the package, but Lia grabs it from my hand.
“Let me,” she whispers seductively. Fuck me.
I hold as still as possible as she painstakingly slowly covers my throbbing erection with the protection. I’m on my knees in front of her as she takes her sweet ass time, eyes roaming up over my body. Her hands feel like silk as she runs them up and down my length.
I growl when she finishes and flip us both around so that I’m on my back and she’s straddling me. I want her to be in control. I want her to know that she is an equal in this relationship and nothing will ever change that.