Protect Me(46)

“Yeah, we had a close call today with an early morning fire. I’m sure you heard all about it on the news and from my mom,” I say, gauging her reaction.

“Yeah. They said a couple of fireman went back into the building to save a child,” she says in a small voice.

“Yeah, we did. Smith and I went in to find a missing boy. He is four years old,” I tell her. “I found him unconscious in his toy box, hiding from the fire. When we were exiting the apartment, some debris fell from the ceiling onto me. I was buried under it with the boy underneath me, but Smith got us out, and we were able to get the boy to safety. He’s going to make a full recovery,” I tell her, full of relief as I say those words.

“I’m glad he’s going to be okay,” she whispers as she still avoids eye contact.

“What about you? What’s going on with you?” I ask, stepping towards her.

Lia pulls back, not wanting to be touched. “I’m fine,” she says firmly and looks me square in the eye. She’s shutting down on me. I watch as the protective walls are firmly erected around her and she shuts me out.

“Bullshit,” I tell her firmly. “Why are you acting like this didn’t scare the shit out of you?” I ask as I take another step towards her.

“I’m fine. This is what you do. You put yourself in the line of fire - figuratively and literally - everyday. I’m fine with it,” she says as she tightens her arms around her chest.

“Lia,” I say as I exhale deeply, turning around and giving her my back to take a deep, calming breath.

“Seriously, Nate. You don’t owe me anything. I don’t need an explanation or anything. You’re probably exhausted and ready for bed. You should head home and get some sleep,” she states somewhat coldly.

Why the hell is she acting as if this doesn’t matter? Like what happened didn’t scare her? Why is she pushing me away? I keep my back to her so she can’t see my seething reaction to her brushoff. I need to calm down.

“I’ll talk to you soon, Nate,” she says behind me.

I can’t take it any longer. I whip around fast, arm lifted up as I get ready to argue my point, but my words die instantly on my lips. Lia drops to the ground, shielding her face with trembling hands. I watch helplessly as she tucks herself into a tight ball, protecting as much of her small body as she can with her arms and legs.

And it’s right then that I know.

Those tidbits of information that I’ve been tucking away in the back of my mind finally start to piece together like some big, repulsive, fucked-up jigsaw puzzle. And the image is ugly. Dammit, not my Lia. Not my beautiful, sweet, lonely girl. Fuck, if I don’t feel rage wash over me like I’ve never experienced in my life.

However, for all the anger that I have right now, I need to focus on my girl. The girl that I love. I slowly crouch down, a few feet in front of her, and lower my shaky voice as I whisper, “Lia? Lia, baby, look at me.” I reach forward and touch her arm. When she startles away from me, it ignites my rage all over again. I have to take several calming breaths before I can find my voice again. “Baby, I need you to look at me. I’m not going to hurt you. I would never, ever hurt you. Please look at me,” I plead as I wait with bated breath for her to look up at me.

Lia slowly starts to lift her chin from the tucked position within her arms. Her eyes are full of fear and tears. I want to kill the son of a bitch. I will find the person who did this to my beautiful girl and slowly torture him until he’s crying for his mama and begging for death because that would be a better fate than enduring anymore of what I am going to do to him.

I crouch closer until I’m right in front of her, my eyes remaining locked on her beautiful gray-blue eyes the entire time. My movements are slow and deliberant. “Lia? I’m right here, beautiful. I’m not going to hurt you, I swear,” I say as I make a big show of lifting my hand and slowly moving it towards her face. She watches, eyes still wide with fear, as I slowly bring my hand to rest on her cheek. I use the pads of my fingers to wipe away the tears streaming down her face. I can feel her entire being trembling through just the slightest touch.

The dam breaks as the tears stream unchecked down her cheeks, falling rapidly onto her shirt. Her shoulders shake as she begins to sob. I pull her into my arms and hold her as tightly as I can, just tight enough that she is still able to get air in her lungs. We sit on the floor of her hallway for awhile. Ten minutes or ten hours? Hell, I don’t know. And I don’t care. My mind is numb and my emotions a tornado as they dangerously whirl around inside me. I want to strike like a rattlesnake. I want to attack like a boxer. But the feeling that is foremost? I want to protect. I want to hold my girl and make everything go away. Disappear. Vanish without a trace.