Protect Me(41)
“I can’t marry you, Nate. I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering if you are coming home at night. I thought you’d eventually get over this whole fireman obsession and want a safe career, becoming a banker like my dad. I can’t spend the rest of my life in constant fear that today is the day you don’t come home.”
“I’ll quit,” I cried as I stood in front of her. “I don’t have to go,” I replied as I fought to keep my own tears at bay.
“No,” she cried. “This is want you want. I couldn’t live with myself if you gave up on your dream for me,” Jill cried.
“But, you are my dream” I countered back. “You are the one I want.”
“But maybe you aren’t the one I want,” she whispered and averted her green eyes. Green eyes that used to bring me so much happiness and laughter. Now, those eyes are filled with pain and uncertainty.
“What do you mean?” I whispered hoarsely.
“I’m going off to college in two months, Nate. You’re leaving in a few weeks for the fire academy. We both know that so many things can change in college. I want to experience life, Nate. I want to have fun and maybe even date. I don’t want to get married,” she said as the tears continued to stream down her pretty face.
I stared back down at the only face I’ve ever kissed. The only face I’ve ever loved. And it was the face that I would always associate with the day my heart was broken beyond repair. The day my dream died along the riverbank with a dozen red roses.
I shake off the memory and look around the firehouse. This is exactly why I can’t let my guard down and get too personal with Lia. She doesn’t want to be a fireman’s wife. No one does. I put my life in jeopardy every day when I walk into the building. Every day, I walk in knowing that this might be the day I might not walk out.
Even though I’ve spent the past two weeks wrapped up in Lia’s arms, I know that it can’t go further than that. Sex. That’s it. That’s all it can be.
Jake and Erin’s wedding is in two days. This is my last shift before the big day and I couldn’t be more excited for this weekend. I asked Lia again to be my date the morning I cooked her breakfast, and she seemed a little hesitant to say yes. Maybe that’s a sign that I need to start distancing myself from her. Time to start pushing her away before either one of us finds ourselves more involved than we want.
I reach for my phone in the early morning darkness and find the battery dead. Great. The one day I leave my charger at home, my phone dies. I’m instantly saddened with the realization that I can’t text Lia. I want to send her a message so that she knows I’m thinking about her as she wakes up.
Fuck. Talk about mixed signals. I want her and I want to push her away at the same time. Talk about confusion. I can’t even decide which direction I want to go myself, so how in the hell is Lia supposed to know?
I run my hands through my hair and glance up at the clock on the wall. Four-fifteen. Almost time for Lia to wake up and get ready for her morning shift at the bakery. At least I’ll be seeing her in a little over two hours when I stop by for another cup of decaf coffee. I’ve been drinking more of it lately. Could be due to Lia’s amazing cup o’ joe, or it could be because I just want to see her. Take your pick. I’m leaning towards the latter.
I should head back into the bunkroom. I hate sleeping on those little cots, but fatigue is starting to set in. Just when I start to stretch my arms over my head, standing up to awaken my weary muscles, the familiar siren sounds. The ear-piercing wail sends me instantly springing to action. My fellow brothers and sisters wake up and start to pull on their uniforms, grabbing what equipment they need as we all race towards the ready trucks.
Chief Hernandez is already standing next to one truck, talking to dispatch and taking notes. I quickly grab my gear from the stall with my name above it and move to the truck. Chief hops in the passenger seat and starts bringing up the address on the small GPS computer screen in the cab of the truck. Collin Smith jumps in the driver’s seat while Ben Jaskula, Griffin Peterson, Selena Diaz, and I file into the back. We’re pulling out of the open bay before our belts are securely in place.
“Large structure fire on Conkland Drive. We have a twenty unit apartment building and the fire is no longer contained to the apartment of origin. Station Six called for backup as soon as it spread to the adjacent unit and the unit directly above it. No word yet if all the residents have been evacuated. Station Six was in the process of clearing the building when the fire jumped and they had to pull back,” Chief reports in his no-nonsense tone.