Proof of Their Sin(58)

With everything in the open, Lauren relaxed. She and Paolo entertained at both the penthouse and the lake and ate at a restaurant where Paolo introduced her to some of his friends and their wives. It was all very festive and fun.

The second blip came when they were opening Christmas presents at his mother’s. Amid the chaos of music and crumpled paper and toys being tried out, Paolo’s mother said, “I suppose next year I’ll be visiting you here for Baby’s first Christmas.”

The croon of a Christmas carol filled the sudden silence. All eyes shifted to Paolo, Lauren’s included. She had no intention of turning his mother out of her home.#p#分页标题#e#

“Is that really what you want, Mama? Because Lauren and I are quite comfortable as we are,” he said calmly.

“You can’t raise a family in a skyscraper. Children need room to run and play and this house needs little feet in it full-time, not just at Christmas.”

“But we don’t want to displace you,” Lauren blurted. “If the house is too much for you, we can move in and you could live here with us.”

“You have the heart of a true daughter, Lauren,” Carlotta said with a misty smile. “Thank you, but no. I’ll be happy to stay a few weeks when the baby comes if you like, but you and Paolo will want your privacy until then. And I want to be in my gardens in Tuscany. I’ve always wanted more time there and now I can have it.”

“Don’t do anything rash,” Lauren urged. “Paolo’s right. We’re happy as we are. We have the lake house and the baby won’t be walking for a year.”

Carlotta seemed determined, though, and later took Lauren up to show her the nursery, suggesting Lauren start shopping to update it. Lauren reiterated that she was in no hurry, but couldn’t help feeling a tingle of excitement.

Putting the baby’s room together was another step toward her dream of a real family—although the part where her husband came home every night had certainly been shot down dead.

She tried not to take personally how blasé Paolo had been about traveling and leaving her at home. His position was more than a job. She understood that, but it would have been nice to see some regret. She’d had to remind herself that this was an arrangement for their child. Love and other trimmings would have to wait...if they came at all.

Nevertheless, a gaping hole opened in her every time she faced that she didn’t have his heart. The constant physical attention of the first weeks of their marriage was a seductive illusion, fooling her into thinking he was growing to care for her. No matter how often they came together, they didn’t seem to tire of each other, constantly finding new ways to bring forth the near violent release they were able to pull from each other. Afterward, exhausted and calmed by release, they slept tangled in a Gordian knot of bliss.

But he left, nevertheless, his mood matter-of-fact and withdrawn as he kissed her cheek and murmured something about her going into the city if she didn’t want to stay at the lake house alone.

This throwback to the distant coolness he’d shown her while she was married to Ryan was a slice of sheer hell. Lauren had thought they were past that. She had thought it had had its source in jealousy and his need to control his attraction to her.

Not wanting to come across as the needy, insecure wife begging for affection, she behaved with well-trained equanimity. She knew how to swallow a fuss. Protesting or pleading that she would miss him wouldn’t make a difference. Her feelings wouldn’t change anything.

If you can’t change your situation, change your attitude, she told herself.

But the loneliness took a toll as his schedule grew heavier. She found herself falling into old patterns of introversion, feeling isolated in this new country where Paolo’s family got back to their own lives once the New Year took hold.

It was especially uncomfortable when Paolo called her over the tablet. She might tell him about a doctor appointment or the latest chapter in the pregnancy book, but she had very little to say. He was often surly and impatient, blaming mishaps in his day.

The one thing she did look forward to filling her time with was refitting the nursery, but when she dropped by to see his mother and take some measurements, she found the room completely redecorated.

It was gorgeous, freshly painted in dusky heritage colors with a parade of baby animals inching along the baseboards. Cradle, crib and change table were in place along with a rocker and daybed. Diapers, sleepers, and receiving blankets were in the drawers and the mobile played “Frère Jacques.”#p#分页标题#e#

Lauren loved it at once, but had to fight revealing to Carlotta that the sight nearly pushed her to tears. What was she supposed to do for the next eighteen weeks if not daydream about a baby while organizing its nursery?