Despite the compunction that had slammed through him, waking with her soft skin brushing against his nudity had been wonderful. The horror that had paled her face had quickly dampened his gratification however.
Until now, he had refused to go back to that morning. He’d been filled with self-recrimination that had sprung from abandoning his self-discipline and betraying his friend. He’d sensed, however, that Lauren’s regret ran to something deeper and more profound, as though she had been ashamed to have shared herself with him. Her hurry to push away from him had been almost panicked, her desperate silence suggesting she wanted to wipe out the entire experience.
He had rolled away when she had, numbing the bite of rejection with self-disgust. Reproach had saved him, allowing him to blame her for their transgression. He had labeled the havoc inside him “guilt” and used it to harden himself against her. She had distanced herself physically and emotionally, surrounding herself with gate-keeping mourners while he had attached ulterior motives to her actions so he could form a line of contempt between them.
He hadn’t liked how vulnerable Lauren had made him feel. He still didn’t. He’d managed to control himself this evening, but that balm to his ego didn’t go very far. The baby was his, the marriage in process, but uneasiness loomed like a storm.
Sexual tension, he dismissed. It had been months since their tryst and after this evening, his control was hanging by a thread. If he felt edgy, it was at his ability to continue resisting her. Once they were married and he didn’t have to, this nameless agitation would disappear.
His strain to hold himself tightly-reined showed as he gruffly offered her the ring. “It was my nona’s. She was still alive the first time I married. My ex never wore it. I’d like you to.”
Lauren curled her hands into fists of refusal and tucked them under her arms.
His heart took that like a knife. He set the ring on his desk, masking the sting of having the heirloom snubbed. “Of course, if you’d prefer something more modern—”
“I’d prefer,” she said icily, “if you didn’t treat me like a damned sex toy to be picked up and set aside when it suits you! I’m not like you, you know. Making love means something to me.”
As opening volleys went, it detonated like a percussion grenade, leaving his inner ears vibrating. “You think walking away from you was easy?” He was instantly at the same level of anger she was projecting, still riding a wave of intense sexual frustration.
“Oh, I could tell it was hard, Paolo,” she seethed. “But your silly bet was more important to you than what was going on between us. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”
Part of Lauren was screaming in horror that she was revealing herself this way, urging her to clam up and brush this whole thing under the rug. The other part couldn’t stay silent. She was too angry.
“Pitiful,” she supplied. “I’m not proud that I lack inhibition around you, but at least when I let go in Charleston you were there with me. Tonight you sure weren’t! I hate that you can control this attraction between us and I can’t. If you think I’m going to marry into an imbalance like that, you’re crazy.”#p#分页标题#e#
Her rejection of marriage seemed to make him stand taller while he narrowed his eyes to keen slits. “Is that why you acted like I had contaminated you the morning after in Charleston? You were embarrassed by how abandoned you’d been?”
Lauren swallowed, regretting calling attention to how unconstrained she’d been. A blush rose to swallow her face in a rancid burn. She ignored it to mutter, “When Ryan and I—”
“Never talk to me about the two of you in bed together,” Paolo snarled, cutting his hand through the air to mentally slam shut a door he would never open. Ever. He could barely stand knowing it had happened. He wouldn’t listen to the details.
Lauren swayed as though buffeted by the force of his antagonism.
He looked away, not willing to apologize for his outburst, but dismayed that he was revealing how sensitive he was to the topic.
“—married,” she finished with a tremor of incredulity. “I was only saying that when we got married, I’d never even kissed another man. That sort of inexperience was always a disadvantage. You’ve had a million lovers and—”
“None of those women meant to me what Ryan meant to you,” he ground out. “Do you think you’re the only one worrying about comparisons?”
The question stunned her. Her hands went clammy and her mind went blank.