Proof of Their Sin(37)

“Lust,” he said pointedly, making her heart dip with horrid embarrassment, as if a protective veil had been yanked away to reveal her nudity. Then he added, “I’d like to blame my kissing you on my broken marriage or the fact my father had passed away two weeks before, but you and I have chemistry, Lauren.”

A spike of pleasurable heat clenched in her belly. She wanted to look away, so self-conscious her skin hurt, but she hung on every word.

“That doesn’t excuse asking you to leave with me, though. Who the hell does that? To his best friend? I was sick with myself when Ryan caught us. It never should have happened and I swore to him it never would again.”

Finally her gaze dropped to the floor, but she didn’t see anything but the cold, distant looks Paolo had been throwing her ever since. That was why. Their night in Charleston had broken that promise and he was a man who didn’t break promises.

“My marriage, everything about my relationship with my ex-wife, was a trail of arrogant decisions,” he muttered. “My situation at the time, giving up what I wanted in order to take over the bank, couldn’t be turned to my advantage. I didn’t want to believe it and, yes, wanted to assert my own will, but throwing away common sense and kissing you was the wrong way to do it. I damaged a lifelong friendship and knew I had to make changes within myself.”

Her stomach twisted in anxiety. Paolo was far too competitive to lose, especially to himself. That determination to master himself meant he would fight showing further weakness where she was concerned. He didn’t want to be attracted to her. It galled him. Lessened him.

She felt tears smart behind her eyes, not wanting to be an instrument of his downfall. He would always resent her for it.

“After behaving like that at his wedding, what would Ryan have thought a few years later if I had told you that yes, I suspected he was cheating?” Paolo asked with quiet fervor. “I didn’t have proof. He would have thought I was making a play for you, especially because I could hardly keep my eyes off you that night, either. If you hadn’t gone home early and left us to drink ourselves blind, I don’t know what I would have done. All I knew was that I couldn’t destroy his marriage.”#p#分页标题#e#

The admission held so much bitterness, she flinched. Her fingers were numb and icy, her legs stiff and aching as she stood and set the bag on the island, not looking at Paolo as she digested his rationalizations for not telling her the truth.

“I felt guilty, too,” she acknowledged. “I had kissed you back and shouldn’t have. That’s why I talked myself out of believing he was cheating a million times, dismissing certain signs...” She drew a long, deep breath and released it in a grievous sigh. “Sometimes things happen that shouldn’t. I knew that.”

“Esattamente. Sometimes there is a physical connection that can’t be helped.”

Pressure built behind Lauren’s eyes as she kept her gaze fixed across the room, not wanting Paolo to see that for her, it wasn’t strictly physical. There was an emotional component of attraction and admiration and desire to be noticed and valued. She wanted him to feel something for her besides unwanted sexual attraction.

She swallowed.

“Is it—?” She cleared the throb from her voice. “If you’re just reacting because it’s been a while—”

“It has been a while,” he stated flatly. “Since our night in Charleston, if you want the truth, and that’s damned near a record for me.”

A stinging blush hit her cheeks. “Another one of your charming Italian compliments? Try being married to a man in the military. There were nights I wished I was capable of an affair.”

A dangerous light came into his black-coffee eyes. He approached her and she retreated a step, halting when his eyes narrowed.

“No, don’t run, tesoro. We know where that leads.” His smile was wicked, almost cruel.

Lauren held her ground, lifting her chin even though it exposed the sensitive place in her throat where her pulse began pounding so hard it threatened to burst her skin. Clutching the edge of the island behind her, she stood very still as his hand came up to cradle her jaw.

“No, it’s not just abstinence making me feel this way,” he stated gruffly. “This is not a fleeting thing. It needs a long-term arrangement. Physical desire would not be the worst basis for a marriage, you must admit that.”

Her jaw hardened as he spoke, growing more rocklike by the second as she saw how he was leading her down the path he wanted her to go. He stroked her skin with lightly splayed fingers, persuading her to soften, and much of her wanted to. The desire to give in was a whisper away.