“Did Dex ever put his hands on you?” His jaw ticked. “When you were . . . dating?”
I could only guess that his question had come from thoughts of his own mother and how far she had let things go.
“No,” I said. “He was just . . . intense. That’s the only way I can describe it.”
He looked a little green, along with a lot of what might’ve been jealousy.
“For the record, it was only one time. One kiss,” I said, almost shivering because I still wished to God it hadn’t happened with someone I’d worked with. “Right away I knew I wasn’t into him like he was into me. That’s why I ended it.”
He gave a curt nod and quietly fumed as he pulled out of the lot and continued driving me home in silence.
“My place is right here, on the left,” I said after he turned down my street.
My forearm rested so close to his on the seat and when I looked down, I saw how his fingers were shaking, as if he was restraining himself from reaching over and closing his hand over mine. My heart crashed against my ribcage.
“Thanks,” I said, as he pulled into the driveway. “Jillian isn’t home tonight. So if I had gotten a flat, she wouldn’t have been able to give me a lift.”
“How do you know she isn’t home?”
My landlord, Jillian, was a nurse in the emergency room. She worked a lot of hours and I usually saw her coming or going in her scrubs. “I ran into her on my way out and she told me that she was on second shift at the hospital tonight.”
The tension in the car became tangible after that little revelation, hot and thick and suffocating. I wanted to ask Nate to come inside but what would that solve? He’d been the one trying so damn hard to show restraint, to manage his own feelings. And I sure as hell didn’t want to get turned down again.
I could feel his gaze on me all night, pressing in like fingers on my throat, making it nearly impossible to breathe.
I knew he liked me, was highly attracted to me. So why couldn’t we act on it again?
I wished he would let me help him explore all of it—the light and dark. How just a couple of weeks ago, he could hold me so gently despite his body being hard and tight and throbbing in other ways.
“So,” I said slowly, gripping the door handle. “I’ll see you around, Nate.”
“Wait,” he reached out and placed his warm fingers on my hand. I turned to him and met his gaze. His eyes were on fire, heat rolling off of him in waves. I sucked in a harsh breath.
“If you need . . .” His hand slipped up my arm as if of its own volition and I watched it glide to my shoulder, my body trembling from the contact. ”. . . a ride tomorrow or something . . .”
He didn’t finish his sentence before he had me pinned to the door and his hot mouth came down on me. I shifted in order to feel his hard chest flush with mine and moaned against his lips. His finger gripped the back of my hair and tugged my head down so that his mouth could gain better access. He outlined my lips with the tip of his tongue before fully entering my mouth.
He groaned into the slow and deep and wet kiss that was so intense, I instantly became wet. His hands remained burrowed in my hair but I would’ve welcomed them all over my body.
His mouth stayed fixed on mine, his tongue exploring while my hands worked their way through his hair, over his throat and around his back, pressing hard. Then I glided my fingertips to his waist, my legs coming round and encircling his hips as I felt his arousal biting into my stomach.
He ripped his mouth away from mine, panting hard. “Fuck, Jessie . . . you . . .”
He didn’t finish his sentence, just stared at me, as if trying to read something inside my eyes.
“You can . . . come inside . . . if you want . . .” I said, between breaths.
He closed his eyes and groaned, as if I had said the one thing he was dying to hear, but also the one thing he was fighting hardest against.
When he opened his eyes he looked at me as with a torturous glance. “No . . . I shouldn’t.”
I shook my head, pretty certain I wasn’t interested in fighting him on this again—it felt exhausting. If he didn’t want me, that was one thing. I could accept that and move on.
But I knew with every fiber of my being that he did want me, desperately. Just like I wanted him. But he wasn’t allowing himself to embrace it, feel it, see where this could lead us. I was a big girl and I needed to keep a clear head. I also needed to keep my self-respect.
“Okay, Nate.” I extracted myself from him, opened the door and climbed out. “It’s really hard to watch you fight yourself. So let’s just take a pass on this. On us. For good. Thanks again for the ride.”