Promise Me This(55)

I thought about repositioning myself for exactly one second before the thought flitted from my brain. Just having that warm, steady, and secret contact with him made me feel closer to him, despite my heart throttling unsteadily in my chest.

An hour later we said our good-byes and were on our way home. By that time I felt heated from top to bottom, and even more so after Nate’s final fiery glance in my direction.

After the boys exited the car, Mom reached over. “Honey, that family . . .”

“I already know what you’re going to say, Mom.”

“I could feel it radiating off of them,” she said, her eyes bright and troubled.

“Been going on for a long time.”

“That women needs a friend,” she whispered.

“It was very kind of you to talk to her and invite them to eat with us.”

“It wasn’t hard. I liked her a lot,” she said. “I liked Nate as well.”

I nodded.

“He seems taken with you.”

My pulse sped up. “I don’t know, Mom.”

“Just be a friend,” she said, patting my arm. “But don’t give too much of yourself away . . . for now.”

I wondered if maybe I already had.





Chapter Twenty-five


Nate



Jessie sat waiting for me at a table in the student center. I suddenly felt like a dumbass that I had asked her to meet me at all. I was thrilled to see her, definitely, but I wished it had been under different circumstances.

Because she was like a bright ray of light offering me hope and confidence that maybe I could work through all my shit and find a way to be with her, really be with her, in a healthier way.

I had no damn desire to be with anybody else, but I was still so raw, so petrified. Of who I was, who I might become. And she knew, without uttering a single word that this was my struggle.

Our attraction was off the charts but still I kept her at arm’s length. Nevertheless, she remained who she was, never placing any pressure on me, and I admired and appreciated that.

“It was kind of stupid to ask you to come,” I said as soon as I approached her table. “You probably have plenty of other things to do.”

“Stop, Nate. I’m here for you. Plus, I brought homework,” she said, standing up and gathering her things. “Besides, if you’re a good patient and allow the dentist to poke at your cavity, you’ll get a lollypop at the end.”

I just stared at her before I burst into a hearty laugh. It had taken me a moment to remember that she was referencing the first time she urged me to make the appointment.

Without thinking it through, my fingers slid behind her neck and I tugged her toward me, wanting the connection she provided. She was like a salve to my soul.

“You know you’re amazing, right?” I said close to her lips, looking deeply into her eyes.

“I . . .” She was speechless, dumbfounded almost at my sudden mood shift.

“It means a lot that you’d show up here just to sit in a waiting room, Blue.”

“That’s what friends do, right?” she whispered, taking a step back but still holding my gaze. “You nervous?”

“A little. But also . . . ready. To move forward.”

She nodded, her hand reaching up to grip my forearm.

“I guess I better get moving then.”

We walked up the stairs and she took a seat while I checked in at the desk.

As I followed Dr. Drake behind his wood-paneled door, I glanced behind me once more to meet Jessie’s calming gaze.

Dr. Drake led me into a spacious office with soothing tan walls and chairs. His voice was equally comforting. “Have a seat, Nate.”

***

An hour later Jessie was right where I’d left her on a black leather couch in the reception area.

We walked down a flight of stairs to grab some coffees and then sat down at a small wooden table.

“You want to talk about it?” she asked.

“I think today was just about gathering information from me,” I said. “He asked a lot of questions. So I definitely let it all hang out about my family.”

“How did that feel?”

“Scary to say it out loud,” I said. “But then I felt relief, you know?”

She nodded.

“One thing Dr. Drake said was that Mom seems isolated and needs support, even if she never asks for it. Even if that makes her afraid.”

“Makes a lot of sense,” Jessie said. “She can always call my mom, you know.”

I smiled. “Your mom totally rocks.”

“Yeah, she does,” she said, after sipping from her cup. “Does your mom have other close friends?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. Not anymore. She used to be really close to her sister—Kai and Dakota’s mom.”