Prodigal Son(17)

I didn’t want to say a word, but I watched as Sable’s expression turned softer — like she was nostalgic for a past that could never be revisited.

“Your father was in the service — the Marines — and he traveled all over the world, while I was stuck here in Denver waiting for him to return, only to have him leave again. My parents didn’t really like Daniel ‘cause they thought he was too old and a little too rough around the edges for their baby girl.” Sable set down the coffee cup she’d been holding and looked out the window. “They may have been right.

“Anyway, on one of Daniel’s visits home, I got pregnant. He was only home for a couple of weeks that time, and he left before I knew I was expecting a child. We didn’t exactly part on good terms — we’d had a huge fight the night before he left — so I didn’t tell him. I knew that he probably had a right to know, but I wasn’t sure that he’d be any kind of father, and I wasn’t sure that I ever wanted to be with him again. It was a hard decision, but I went to stay with an old high school friend who’d moved to Arizona. I waited it out, had you, and I gave you up for adoption.”

Sable stood up and walked over to the sink, as if she was looking for an excuse not to look me in the eye. “I only saw you once in the hospital before they took you away. The social worker told me that you’d be going to a good home, and I just felt like I couldn’t take care of you all by myself.”

She turned to look at me. “It was the hardest decision of my life, and I’ve regretted it ever since.” Sable’s eyes started to fill with tears. “Excuse me for a minute,” she said as she walked out of the room and up the stairs, leaving me alone in her kitchen.

I looked around the room, trying to make sense of all of the thoughts and feelings that inundated my mind. I pictured Sable as a tiny, vulnerable teenager, faced with the prospect of being responsible for another person’s life. I imagined her fear, and I wondered how hard it had been for her to give me up. She said that she’d regretted it, but I was curious about whether she would have room in her life today for me. She was the only one who could answer my questions, so I resigned myself to waiting for her to come back downstairs.

In the meantime, I studied the kitchen. It was pretty, but in a way that felt like a designer, rather than an enthusiastic cook, had bought the appliances. It had a very different feel than my mother’s kitchen had. Jeannie had cooked practically every day of her life, and she was always happiest when she had both me and my father to wow with a new recipe. It didn’t look like Sable and Daniel did much in the way of cooking.

I heard Sable coming back down the steps and I watched her carefully to assess her state of mind. She seemed fairly composed, especially for a woman whose adult son had just showed up unannounced on her doorstep.

“Sorry,” she said as she picked up her coffee mug. “This is hard for me.”

“I’m sure it is, and I’m sorry to spring it on you like this. I didn’t really have much in the way of a plan today, but I sure didn’t expect to be drinking coffee with you.”

“How did you find me?” she asked.

“My mom and dad passed away about a week ago.”

Sable put her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you. They were wonderful parents, and they were killed in a car accident.”

“How terrible.”

“It was. I met with their attorney about their estate, and he gave me a file full of information about you and my father. My parents had hired a private investigator to find you both in case I ever wanted to know who my birth parents were.”

“So you came here to find us?” Sable asked.

“Yes. I took a leave of absence from work and decided to learn what I could about my past. I didn’t exactly expect to find you standing at the curb today.”

Sable looked at me with an unexpected warmth in her eyes. “I’m glad you did. So tell me about yourself.”

“Well, I graduated from Arizona State, and I’m a business analyst for GoDaddy in Scottsdale.”

“Wow,” Sable said. “A ‘business analyst’ sounds pretty important. And you went to college?”

“Yeah. My dad was an attorney, and education was really important to him. They were so proud the day I graduated.”

Sable looked like she was going to cry again. “So you were happy? You have had a good life?”

“Absolutely,” I answered. “My parents were wonderful, loving people. I was lucky to have been adopted by such good folks.”

“Did you ever wonder about your father and me?” Sable asked, in a small voice that sounded like she was afraid to hear the truth.