Private Affairs(19)

“All right,” I said. “Let me walk you to the door.” I stood and made my way past him, leading him back into the foyer. I reached for the door handle but stopped when I heard his voice again.

“Was staying with him this long, suffering through what seems like a loveless marriage, really worth the money you’re fighting for now?”

I stared at him, trying not to let my face give away the array of emotions his question sent spinning around in my head.

“I didn’t realize, until just recently, I was in a loveless marriage.” I looked him straight in the eye, my face expressionless, steeled to look void of anything. Without removing my eyes from him, I turned the doorknob and opened the door. He obviously took my silence as the only farewell he would be getting and he walked through.

I tried not to notice that even though he had plenty of room, he passed so close to me that I felt his shoulder brush me again. I also tried to ignore what his scent did to me, as well as the jolt that zipped through me when my body touched his.





Chapter Seven

The next night, I laid in bed and listened for Derrek to return. Preston hadn’t said whether Derrek had gone to Bend alone. I wasn’t even sure he knew, but I had spent over a day imagining the happy couple enjoying a short weekend getaway. Perhaps he’d taken his youngest to her first skiing lesson, watching her wobble and fall in the soft snow, her nose turning pink from the cold.

I had always told Derrek I wanted children, and he’d always gone to great lengths to convince me that we had time. He wanted to focus on his job and he needed me to help him with that aspect of our life. I wasn’t, by any means, past my prime, and still had a few good baby-making years left in me. But knowing he’d started a family with someone else, that he’d taken my ability to start a family hostage, left my heart pumping in an empty chest. I was angry, but more so, I was hurt.

I’d always imagined having a few babies. I’d daydreamed about holding the warm bundles in my arms, snuggling them, kissing them, but now I was left with nothing. Well, nothing besides a cheating husband who planned to keep me around for a reason only God could understand. That wasn’t true either – he kept me around so he didn’t lose his precious money.

My eyes widened as a new thought occurred to me. Did the other woman know about me? I wanted to believe that she didn’t, that she couldn’t. I hoped she was just as blind to his transgressions as I had been. I didn’t want to think one woman could do that to another. At this point, the sisterhood was the only thing in which I had any faith left.

I heard the door open and I stopped breathing, as the sound of my breaths was interfering with my ability to hear the faint sounds of him entering the house. I listened as he closed the door and then I heard some rustling, which I figured was him setting his things down. When I heard his footsteps head down the hall toward his office, I let out my breath quietly. My lungs were burning and my heart was pounding. I took in a few gulping breaths to try to let my lungs relax, and then, before I knew what I was doing and could stop myself, I pulled the covers back and walked down the stairs toward Derrek.

When I made it to the doorway, I stalled, still unwillingly captivated by how handsome he was. He was standing behind his desk, pulling the tie loose from around his neck. He was wearing gray suit pants with a shiny black belt, a white button up shirt that looked wrinkled, as if he’d been wearing it for a while, and the tie he was pulling from his neck was black as well.

“You’re home,” I said softly. I hadn’t intended to speak to him. Hell, I hadn’t intended to walk down here at all. But I was also acutely aware that I wasn’t fully in control of my mind, body, or mouth at the moment.

“It would seem so,” he said, without meeting my eyes.

“Where did you go?”

“Out of town on business.” His words were cold, stale, and stone-like. I tried to read into them, tried to figure out whether he was lying and discern if he’d really been away for pleasure. His eyes still weren’t meeting mine as he sat down in his chair and put his thumb and forefinger up to the bridge of his nose, pinching it.

“Did you get a lot done?” My voice was calm and smooth. Part of me was still hoping he’d been away on business.

“Lena…”

He didn’t want to talk.

“Will you be coming to bed?” I had no idea why I asked that question. There were two reasons why that question was completely unnecessary. One: I already knew the answer was no. I already knew he wouldn’t be coming to our bed. He would probably never be in that bed again, and I knew that. And two: I didn’t want him in our bed. I was almost sure I didn’t want him in our bed. What I wanted was to go to sleep and wake up, having the last five years of my life be a sick and twisted nightmare. I wanted to wake up to the husband who I loved, the husband who honored our vows, and didn’t sneak away for weekend getaways with other women and his love children.