Prince's Son of Scandal(23)
“You were stunning when you were pregnant. You’re beautiful now. When I saw your sister in Berlin, I thought she was beautiful because she looked like you.”
She shook her head. “You didn’t even know—”
“I knew. I could tell the second I saw her. I just didn’t believe it. I thought—”
“What?” She held her breath, brimming with dread and hope, not sure what she wanted to hear.
He grimaced. “I thought I’d been a fool. That the way we’d reacted to each other had been a one-off thing.”
She swallowed. “It wasn’t?”
His gaze slammed into hers, pupils expanding the way a cat’s dilated before it pounced. Lines of tension pulled the rest of his face into the harsh countenance of a barely restrained barbarian. “Clearly.”
She stood on a tipping point, vibrating under the strain, drawn, drawn, drawn. The pull in her chest was nearly irresistible. A prickling wash of sensations made her hyper aware of everything around her, the pale heat of the sun, the scent of the grass, the dampness in the air and, most especially, the way he was looking at her mouth. At the way such a tiny expression of interest from this man could send wildfire through her whole body.
She tore her gaze from his, seeing only a blur of green and blue.
“Please be careful, Xavier.” She scraped at the hair tickling her cheek, shaken. “My self-esteem is full of holes. Don’t give me hope if there is none.”
“For what? You don’t want to be married to me. You said so.”
“I don’t want to be married to a man who doesn’t want me.” She had to press her lips tight so they wouldn’t tremble. Meeting his gaze was hard. She couldn’t hide the struggle, the longing, that was eating her up. “If you do...”
“I don’t want to want you,” he ground out.
She jerked back as though he’d struck her. He winced.
“I mean I can’t afford to want you. My father followed where sexual interest led. It was a disaster. I didn’t expect this,” he grated. “I wouldn’t have come.”
She breathed through each of the blows, eventually able to ask, “That’s all you feel?” The question was too revealing. She regretted it, even before he answered.
He took a long time, then, “Don’t hope, bella. You know my views on love.”
His gentle reply broke her chest open, leaving her heart pulsing like an open wound. This was what she had been avoiding accepting. This was why she couldn’t bear to look into her future. He was never going to love her.
Engulfed in agony right to the backs of her teeth, she nodded dumbly. “Will you listen for Tyrol when you go in? I want to see the bridge.”
She didn’t notice the hand he reached out as she walked away.
CHAPTER TEN
HE HAD HURT HER. He hadn’t wanted to. Cruel to be kind, he had thought, and he had regretted it immediately. What could he do, though? Admit that what he felt was not purely sexual. Even if he was capable of love, which he wasn’t, they had no future. He couldn’t lead her on.
He hated that he’d returned her to that stiff wariness, though. The woman who had texted without hesitation for the weeks they’d been apart suddenly had a full schedule and little to say. By the time they were at a dinner hosted by the bride’s parents the next evening, the tension between them was palpable. Her family smiled around it.
Angelique hadn’t arrived yet, Henri was there with his wife and twins along with her mother, and Trella spent most of the evening needling Ramon.
Xavier tried to intervene at one point. Ramon wasn’t above getting personal in retaliation and neither was Trella. It was escalating, but the bride, Isidora, tugged him aside. She was a stunning woman with auburn hair and a smile that put anyone at ease.
“It’s a rookie move to get involved. Better to ignore them. Trust me.”
He waited until they had left to ask Trella, “Why were you being so contentious with Ramon?”
“I wasn’t. That’s how we communicate.” The passing streetlights flicked over her stoic expression.
“I thought you might bring on an attack.”
“No.” She sounded petulant. “We fight like that all the time. It’s fine.”
“It wasn’t because you’re angry with me?”
Silence, then, “I’m not angry. I’m hurt.”
He should have left it there, but said, “Either way, you should take it out on me, not him.” Punish me. He couldn’t stand the guilt he was carrying.
“I’d rather fight with Ramon.” Her hands twisted in her lap. “I know he won’t let me win. Any points I score, I’ve earned. It builds my confidence. And no matter what I say, he’ll still love me. I don’t have that kind of trust with you.”
Be careful what you wish for, Xavier thought, flayed to the bone. He didn’t speak of it again.
* * *
Trella was a dam filled to the brim, gates stuck. When Xavier bowed out of joining Ramon and his racing friends at a sports bar the next evening, the pressure inside her climbed a notch higher.
“The bar isn’t Kasim’s thing, either. I invited him to come over with Gili for the evening after they see Mama. Cinnia wants to give the girls a quiet night so she’s staying in.” Trella desperately needed time with her sister. “Do you mind?”
“You’re not going clubbing with the bridal party? I’ll stay with Tyrol.”
“Isidora will have enough paparazzi as it is. If Gili and I went? We’re doing her a favor staying away.”
“I see. Of course. Invite them. That’s fine.” They were being exceedingly agreeable and polite since she’d admitted to her hurt feelings last night. It was horrible. She kept wondering how she would endure two more months of this. A lifetime, really. Would it be worse or better when they divorced and lived apart?
She was so caught up in her own turmoil, she completely forgot that Xavier had met Gili before. Gili hadn’t, the darling. She rushed him when she arrived, taking both his hands to say beseechingly, “I’m so glad we have this chance to clear the air. I can’t imagine what you thought of me in Berlin. You must have been so shocked. But I hope we can be friends because I already adore your son.”
Her sister’s warmth could melt glaciers and Xavier’s expression eased in a blink. “It’s already forgotten,” he assured with his patented charm.
Trella felt a stab of jealousy. Why couldn’t she win him over as easily?
Gili turned to her then, concern in her eyes, because of course she had picked up on Trella’s distress. At the same time, something glowed from her like a beacon, a happiness so bright, it blinded.
Oh, Gili. Anytime Trella thought she couldn’t survive whatever anguish was gripping her, her twin found a way to lift her out of it. Smiling tearily, she hugged her pregnant sister tight.
* * *
Xavier was glad to have an evening with the King of Zhamair. Asking Kasim about a complex situation in one of his neighboring countries was a welcome distraction from his struggle between duty and desire. Between wanting to mend fences with Trella and letting her bruised feelings keep her at a distance.
Thirty minutes in, he realized the women hadn’t come back from fetching Tyrol. “Did we bore them? I’ll find—”
“Please let them be,” Kasim said. “She needs time with her sister.”
“Which one?” Xavier asked dryly, hoping Trella wasn’t shedding tears over him.
“A fair question.” Kasim took up his drink. “Their interdependence takes getting used to, doesn’t it? But this...” He chucked his chin toward the ceiling, where the women were likely in Trella’s room. “She was bursting at the seams.”
“Pregnant?” A surprise rush went through Xavier. He was astonished to realize he was pleased for the couple. Why? It had nothing to do with him.
Except that he knew how good it felt to have a child. It struck him then how important Tyrol had become to him. Not because he secured Elazar’s future, but because Tyrol was... Tyrol. Not an insurance policy for the future, a relation.
Disconcerted, he had to clear sudden emotion from his throat as he rose to shake Kasim’s hand. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Kasim darkened with a flush of pride and hitched his pants to sit again. “It’s very early days, only confirmed the day before we left Zhamair. Not something we’re making public.”
Xavier fetched his own drink and offered to tap glasses, experiencing envy as he thought of Kasim sharing the moment of discovery and every single day of the pregnancy, along with the birth. Feeling robbed was not a new sensation for him. He got over it quickly, but he wondered if Kasim realized how lucky he was, able to go through this process as many times as his wife was up for.
He could, too, he supposed, with Patrizia.
His brandy tasted like snake venom. He abandoned it.
“I’d like you to consider something,” Kasim said, sounding like someone unused to requesting favors. “Closer to the birth, I’d like Trella to come to Zhamair.”
A strange void opened in Xavier. “We won’t be married any longer.” It took enormous effort to state that with equanimity. “Trella may go where she pleases.” The knowledge knotted his gut.