I return her kiss, although inwardly I don’t know how this is going to shape out. We have one more meeting with her family. Last time, it went pretty fucking awful, but this time might be different.
Or it’ll be terrible again, but we’ll survive it. We’ll survive this and be together, because I wasn’t lying when I said that we’re a family now. I’ll take care of her always, and I’ll try to make damn sure that she’s happy, no matter what.
23
Sadie
Even after a month has passed, I can still remember that afternoon in my old apartment when we told my parents that I’m pregnant.
I keep reliving that moment. My mother’s scorn was palpable, and I could feel my father’s disappointment in my bones. I wish I could go back and say something, anything, that would make them understand that this isn’t just some stupid childish fling. I wish I could make them really see how I feel about Gavin.
But I can’t and I won’t. Not after what they said to me. And not after that letter.
I look over at Gavin and force myself to smile. We’re on the elevator up to the apartment again, though this time we’re only meeting with my father. I doubt my mother even knows we’re coming, Gavin smiles back and squeezes my hand, just like before.
He’s been so good through all of this. I never imagined I’d have someone who could keep me as centered and as grounded as he can, but it’s exactly what I need. He calms me when I’m stressed and makes me feel like everything is going to be okay in the future. Even when the future seems terrifying, he’s there for me.
I don’t know a damn thing about having a baby. I don’t know how to raise one. I’ve never even held one. But Gavin bought all the books and even read them, and I know he’s going to be a good father. He’s changed over the last month, in subtle ways, but they’re noticeable. He doesn’t go out with his friends as often and he doesn’t drink as much. He works out even more and seems very intent on the future. He’s stressed with work, of course, since my father is trying to destroy him, but he’s still there for me.
And he wants me to fight. I have to admit that it’s tempting. I don’t want my family’s money. I don’t want a single freaking dime from them at all. But I don’t want to make this easy on them either. I want it to be difficult to kick me out of the family, because it should be. It shouldn’t be easy to send me away and to forget about me.
I was their daughter for so long. And maybe I made some mistakes, at least in their eyes, but I’m still their daughter no matter what. Of course, they don’t see me that way, and they never did. It’s hard to accept that, really and truly accept it, even though I know it’s the truth.
That’s what I’m here for today, though. I’m going to accept my place in the world. I’m going to accept that my family doesn’t want me and that I’m making a new family with Gavin, one where I’m going to be much happier.
“Ready?” Gavin asks when the elevator reaches the top floor.
“Ready,” I say, feeling anything but.
We step out and head down the hall. Like before, I knock on the door, feeling awkward. But instead of Thomas opening up, Peter stands there.
I look back at him, surprised. He looks like the same old Peter, but instead of his usually sly smile for me, he stares blankly.
“You’re right on time,” he says.
“Hi, Peter,” I respond. “It’s good to see you.”
He nods. “Father’s in his study.”
I glance back at Gavin as we follow Peter into the apartment. Of everything that has happened, the way Peter’s acting toward me right now hurts the most. We follow him down the hall and he doesn’t look at me again, like I’m some stranger visiting instead of the sister he’s been so close with for so long.
“Hold on,” I say to Gavin. “Can you wait here?”
He pauses. “Sure,” he says.
I turn to Peter, who looks a little surprised. “Can I talk to you?” I ask him.
He hesitates, then nods. “Yeah. Sure.”
I lead him into the dining room and shut the door behind us. I turn to him and for a second, I think that I see the brother I once loved so much.
“I’ve missed you,” I say to him. “I’m sorry things are so weird right now.”
He glances away. “Why’d you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Get pregnant. By that… person.”
I frown and shake my head. “I didn’t meant to get pregnant. And I like Gavin… I like him a lot. He makes me happy.”
“Still.” Peter looks back at me and I think he might be pleading with me. “The family comes over everything. You know that.”