He regarded her with a hint of surprise in his eyes. It was there in his voice, too. “Hasn’t happened yet,” he admitted.
Beth’s heart beat unsteadily at what he wasn’t saying. “Why do you suppose that is?”
Mack sighed then and finally looked away. “I don’t know, Beth. I honestly don’t know, but I will tell you this.” He once again looked directly into her eyes. “Considering the possibilities scares the hell out of me.”
Try as she might, Beth couldn’t shake that conversation as she went about her duties at the hospital that afternoon. What was Mack most afraid of? That she was winning his heart, despite all the defenses he’d erected around it? Or that even after all of the incredible sex and growing intimacy, he was incapable of feeling anything more?
Forget Mack for a minute. What did she want? The lines on that had blurred a lot lately, too. If only Destiny hadn’t planted that stupid item with Pete Forsythe. It was going to force them out into the real world before either of them was ready. And the real world had a way of taking the edge off the excitement, a way of stripping away pretenses and forcing an examination of the core feelings behind an involvement.
Wasn’t that what had happened to her before? That grant application, which had brought the real world smack into the middle of her relationship, had exposed wounds and clashing egos in a way that might otherwise never have happened. Not that she wasn’t grateful now to have made the discovery about her ex-fiancé’s competitiveness, insecurities and cruelty before they married, but it had been a bitter blow at the time.
She was very much afraid that her relationship with Mack wouldn’t weather this current storm any more smoothly.
When she opened the door to Tony’s room, she was surprised to find Mack there. She thought he’d left after dropping her off, but there he was, leafing through a comic book while Tony slept.
“Heavy reading?” she teased. “I’m beginning to think that’s why you keep coming around—because it gives you an excuse to read all those comics.”
“Afraid not,” he said, his gaze steady on hers. “You keep me coming around, Doc. I thought you understood that after the conversation we had earlier.”
She opened her mouth to respond, then caught a flicker of Tony’s eyelids that suggested he was playing possum and listening to every word. “We’ll finish this conversation later,” she told Mack.
“Aw, come on, Dr. Beth, it was just getting good,” Tony protested, opening his eyes.
Mack whirled around to stare at him. “I thought you were asleep.”
“I was, but then I woke up,” Tony said. He grinned impishly at Mack. “I knew you liked Dr. Beth. I could tell. I even told my mom.”
“You know, kid, my love life is none of your business,” Mack scolded.
“Why not?” Tony asked. “I thought we were all friends.”
“We are, but most adults like to figure things out for themselves,” Beth told him.
“But you guys are taking way too long,” Tony said.
“Says who?” Mack asked.
Tony gave him a feisty look. “Says me. You know I don’t exactly have forever.”
Tony uttered the horrific words with a blithe acceptance of the reality, but Mack looked as if someone had slugged him. Even Beth was taken aback by Tony’s matter-of-fact statement about his own prospects.
“You don’t know that,” she said fiercely, struggling against the tears stinging her eyes. She could not cry in front of Tony, or in front of Mack, for that matter. “I will not let you give up on yourself.”
Tony reached her hand. “It’s okay, Dr. Beth. I don’t blame you.”
“That’s not the point. You are going to get better, Tony. You need to believe that.”
Tony gave her a stubborn look. “It’s not like I want to die,” he said seriously. “But sometimes you just gotta face facts.”
“And the fact is that we don’t know what’s going to happen,” Beth said. “Only God knows that. And in the meantime, you have Peyton and me, your mom and Mack, and a whole lot of other people rooting for you.” Desperate to get through to him, she gestured toward a colorful mural that had been painted by the kids at his school and which hung now on the wall across from his bed. “Look at that. All of your classmates are behind you, too.”
Tony sighed wearily and lay back against the pillows. “I know, but sometimes it feels like it’s time to let go.” He looked plaintively at Mack. “You know what I mean?”
Though he was clearly as shaken as Beth, Mack moved to the edge of the bed and took Tony’s frail hand in his big one. “It takes a very brave person to fight this illness,” Mack told him quietly. “And, Tony, you’re the bravest person I ever met.” He glanced at Beth. “But there’s no shame in saying ‘enough’ if it gets to be too much. No one will blame you.”