Pretender to the Throne(33)

                * * *

                “I won’t be coming back,” she said into the phone. It had been hours since she’d accepted Xander’s proposal. And now she’d realized she had to call Mother Maria-Francesca and confess.

                “I thought you might not.”

                “You did?”

                “He’s the reason you were running all this time,” she said, her tone calm, steady. “And he’s the reason I never advised you to move ahead with your vows.

                “He is?”

                “You are dedicated, and I have never doubted your faith, so please don’t take me wrong, but I always felt you were driven by your inner demons, and not your convictions. It was good that you had us, to give you the shelter that you needed. But this is a calling that requires your whole life. And it requires a drive that goes beyond fear of the world outside.”

                She nodded slowly. “I know.”

                Deep down, Layna had always known it was true. Because she had ached for other things. She used convent life to hide from her desires, desires she felt could never be met. So that she didn’t have to see gorgeous men, and mothers with babies, clothes there was no point in her wearing, hairstyles that would make no difference because she would never be pretty again.

                She was having some of what she wanted. She felt...in some ways she felt more in control than she had in years. This wasn’t about Xander, or his hold on her. It was about claiming the life she desired.

                But if she had known this was what she really wanted, she never would have imposed on the Sisters.

                “I didn’t mean to use anyone,” she said, her voice choked.

                “You gave back more than you ever took, Magdalena.”

                Layna smiled at the use of the name. “Thank you. I’m not sure that’s true, but thank you. I hope...to continue on giving in my new position I...I suppose I’m going to be a princess. And queen one day.”

                “I’m glad to hear it.”

                “I won’t forget what you taught me. I’m going to use this. I’m going to do good with my position.” Something she wouldn’t have cared about if she’d married Xander as a girl of eighteen. She would have just used it to increase her shopping budget.

                “That’s nice to hear. But you’re allowed to want things. You’re allowed to have dreams.”

                “I’ve tried hard not to have them,” she said, wiping away a tear she hadn’t realized had escaped.

                “I know you have, Layna. You’ve tried very hard to keep yourself safe. But if I could give you one last piece of advice, it would be not to let fear decide things for you.”

                “I won’t.”

                And she wouldn’t. Her decision was made, and even though the enormity of it made her tremble, there was no going back now.





                                      CHAPTER SEVEN

                “I TRUST YOU slept well.”

                “Your trust is misplaced.”

                Xander laughed as Layna made her way into the dining room and sat down at the table. He hadn’t seen her since she’d run dramatically from him in the hall last night, but he’d had a feeling hunger would ferret her out of her room eventually. And here she was, in time for brunch.