“Why don’t you talk about her?” Harper’s pizza sat forgotten in front of her.
He shook his head. “I don’t know how to do that without feeling this incredible hole. I shouldn’t be here. I was the one who was prepared to die. You don’t deploy without making peace with that possibility. I wasn’t prepared to lose my wife.”
He paused. It felt wrong that he was talking about his wife to his girlfriend. He couldn’t reconcile his past and his present.
Harper crawled into his lap, straddling him. She pressed her face into his neck.
“I’m so sorry, Luke.”
His hands slid under her shirt to stroke her back. If he was touching her, if she was in his arms, the darkness wasn’t so dark.
“I’m sorry, baby. I wish I could give you more. You deserve everything, but I just can’t ...”
Harper wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held tight. “I don’t want more. I want this. I want you.”
“Baby. I’m so fucking selfish. You deserve someone who’s going to fall head over heels in love with you. Marry you and spend the rest of his life giving you everything you’ve ever wanted. I can’t love you. I can’t love anyone again. But I want you. I want you so bad that it feels like any moment without you is empty.”
She sighed against his neck. “I love you, Luke. What’s this means for us?”
“If you’re up for it, we take it one day at a time.”
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Harper decided not to let the fact that Luke hadn’t opened up her about the baby bother her. Joni had been a big enough surprise to ambush him with, and that had sparked their first and only conversation about Karen. She considered that a great deal of progress, and there was no need to rush him if he wasn’t ready to tell the entire story.
He was quiet at times, especially around Joni. Harper noticed he kept a distance between them when Joni was around. But she hoped he would be able to move past it.
She started to relax as they worked to establish a new normal. Some of the old routines remained. Luke still ran with Lola in the mornings, and Harper’s pulse rate continued to ratchet up every time she saw Luke in any state of undress ... or dress.
But with a new sense of permanency came new circumstances.
Harper kept her Friday shift at Remo’s, and Luke became a regular. The weekly Garrison diner breakfast continued, now with all family members in the same time zone.
During the days, they worked as a team at the office. And at night, they made love with an urgency that never seemed to lessen.
She had given him the grand tour of the life he was returning to. He admired the drywall work she and Frank had done in the walk-in closet. But the bunk beds in the spare room gave him pause.
“Harper, do we have children ... and fish?”
“Surprise!” she teased. “No, I take the kids overnight every two weeks or so to give Mrs. Agosta a break. I got tired of blowing up air mattresses so I got these from Bob’s. The kids won the damn fish at the Fourth of July carnival, and I kept them here rather than give Mrs. Agosta one more thing to worry about. Ava sleeps in the double bed in the other room. She calls it her big girl bed.”
Luke poked his head into the third bedroom and took in the purple throw pillows and floppy stuffed unicorn.
“You’ve been busy. Any surprises on the third floor?”
There weren’t any on the third floor, but there were some in other areas of life. With the success of Garrison Construction’s first tiny house, his dad insisted on continuing his weekly lunch dates with Harper and Beth. And who could forget the expression on Luke’s face when he showed up on a job site to find Harper dry-walling with Angry Frank.
On any given day, he’d come home to find his mother or Aunt Syl having coffee in the kitchen with Harper.
It was Claire who suggested that Harper and Luke host Thanksgiving to celebrate Luke’s homecoming. Harper threw herself into the planning. She had an entire Pinterest board dedicated to sweet potato side dishes and bought new place settings for twelve.
Luke just smiled and nodded every time she launched into another one-sided debate of the merits of oven roasted Brussels sprouts or dried cranberries in stuffing. It would be her first big family Thanksgiving, and she was determined to make it everything she’d ever dreamed of.
Finally, the day arrived. Harper dragged herself from bed at 4 a.m. and started her prep. She would make this the best Thanksgiving Luke had had in a long time.
***
He was lost in a dream. Dressed in his fatigues, Luke was on the bus coming home. Buoyed by the excitement of his men, he was counting the miles to Benevolence. To Karen.