Chapter Fifteen
The wedding sped by, time seemed to zoom ahead as his brother took the biggest leap of his life. A twinge of envy had replaced the disdain that colored Paul's life almost two months ago when Gracie and Des first announced their date.
He didn't have the opportunity to talk to Libby as they were whisked away for photos right after the ceremony-to catch the right light, according to the photographer. Then the guests were ushered into the reception area in time for the emcee to announce the bridal party and newly married couple.
He milled around outside, enjoying the afternoon sunlight and cool breeze carrying the scents of greenery and wine. Laughter and conversation floated from within the venue-an old barn that had been converted into a luxury ballroom-and Paul shoved his hands into his pockets. He'd been anxious to talk to Libby from the moment she'd stepped into the chapel, and the itching feeling to be near her grew stronger with each moment that passed.
"Paul?" A feminine voice caught his attention and made the hairs on his neck stand up.
He'd know her voice anywhere. Sadie. He turned slowly, drawing back his shoulders and unclenching his hands.
"I think all the wedding guests should be inside by now," he said coolly. "Are you lost?"
She shook her head, neat blond hair swishing about her face. Her hand rested over a small bump at her belly, floral fabric skimming over her new shape, almost concealing it. As always, she looked elegant and put-together. Sadie never had a hair out of place, never looked flustered or overwhelmed or stressed.
"I'm not lost. I hoped to catch you for a moment so we could talk in private." Dark smudges under her eyes were barely concealed with makeup.
He forced himself not to have any sympathy for her. "I have nothing to say."
"But I do." She shifted her weight and, when he didn't respond, she continued. "I realized that I never apologized for walking out on you."
"Or for cheating on me," he pointed out, looking around to make sure he hadn't missed the call for the introductions.
"I'm truly sorry," she said, her eyes bright. "You never deserved that."
A bird chirped overhead. Sunlight filtered down through tall trees. This was far too picturesque a place to be opening up old wounds.
"No one deserves that."
"I feel like I should explain," she pressed on. "We never talked about it, and I know you must hate me, but I had my reasons."
"Why do you feel the need to say something now, in the middle of a bloody wedding of all times?"
"I don't want to become a mother with something like this hanging over me, and I know that you'd never talk to me unless we were forced to be in the same room." She looked down at her stomach. "How can I teach my children to be good people when I did something like that and never apologized or explained myself?"
Her fine brows knitted, and she looked at him with such despair that he couldn't help but soften. "Boy or girl?"
"One of each." She nodded slowly, as if convincing herself. "Talk about jumping in with two feet."
He shook his head. "I hope you're catching up on sleep now."
"You know I always loved my sleep." She glanced over at Paul's mother who quickly turned her head away as if she hadn't been trying to listen.
"You've got a few minutes before we get called in," he said, bracing himself. "Say what you need to say, because I don't ever want to talk about this again."
"Thank you." She wrung her hands in front of her. "I wanted you to know I never set out to cheat on you. I didn't plan it, it just … happened. I was lonely."
"Lonely?" He fought back the urge to argue. How could she have ever felt lonely?
They were in a relationship. Wasn't that the very opposite of being alone?
"Maybe that's the wrong word." She tucked her pale hair behind one ear. "Maybe isolated is a better choice."
"Doesn't sound much better to me," he said, his shoulders stiff and bunched beneath the tuxedo jacket.
"I wanted all these things out of life that you didn't. It frustrated me because I felt like I either had to forgo what I wanted or had to try and change you, which wasn't fair, either."
"What things?"
"Babies," she patted her stomach. "Marriage, career ambitions. I wanted a partner who could reach for the stars with me. I wasn't satisfied being alone at night while you worked in the bar, knowing that girls were hitting on you left, right, and center. How could we have ever raised a family like that?"
"I would have gotten a different job." He'd never actively thought about changing careers, since he felt so at home in the bar. But he knew if she'd given him a chance he would have traded it to have a family. "Why didn't you say something?"
"I tried to talk to you about it but you said I was worrying over nothing. My life was slipping away, and I couldn't do a thing about it."
He'd done that to her by not listening, by not being ambitious enough. It didn't excuse the cheating, nothing would excuse that. But he'd been a crappy boyfriend to her, apparently … and he hadn't even known it.
"I'm sorry I acted without breaking things off with you first." Tears swam in her eyes. "I wanted more, Paul. But I understood that you didn't. Sometimes I wish I'd been able to be happy with what we had … but I couldn't."
He sucked in a breath. "You didn't allow me a chance to give you more."
"I didn't want to change you, it's not who you are … and that's okay. Not everyone has to set the world alight."
The words cut him to the bone. Sadie had seen that she wouldn't be happy with him and so she'd jumped ship when something better came along. Her explanation not only didn't make him feel better about the way things ended, it made the pain worse. Before, he'd been able to blame her for doing the wrong thing but now he saw that she'd felt ignored, isolated. Uninspired … the very thing he'd cited in his speech as a key element to any relationship.
All because of him.
"Paul!" Des called out. "They're calling us in."
"Go." He motioned for Sadie to slip into the reception room before the bridal party entered.
"I wish I could take back what I did." She gathered the lengths of her dress in one hand and walked carefully along the cobblestone path. "I wish I'd ended things the right way. You deserved better than that. I really am sorry."
He nodded, a lump lodged so hard in his throat no words could pass. Sadie hovered for a moment, as though she wanted to say something else but then she ducked her head and entered the room without another word.
The emcee's booming voice announced that it was time to bring in the bridal party.
Time to put his game face on.
Libby stood by the side of the room, watching as the bridal party were called into the room. Paul walked with his head held high, Gracie's sister, Emmaline, on his arm. They looked every bit the glamorous couple with his dark looks and her shimmering silver gown.
Her belly twinged. Libby had never been the jealous sort, but seeing them together made her realize how much she wanted to be the one standing next to him. The thought of him ever being with another woman tore her up inside.
The room erupted in a raucous cheer when the bride and groom walked through the doors. Gracie's floor-length gown swirled around her legs. Her grin was only outdone by Des, who looked so happy he could take flight at any moment.
"Don't you love weddings?" Another wedding guest said to Libby as she settled against the wall next to her.
"They're very happy occasions." Libby nodded, smiling as Gracie and Des started doing the rounds with bridesmaids and groomsmen in tow.
"Are you from the groom's side or the bride's?" the blonde asked.
"The groom's. You?"
"Bride's. My mother and Gracie's mother go way back; they were determined for us to be friends ever since we were in kindergarten." She smiled. "I'm glad Gracie found someone like Des-he's good for her."
Libby nodded. "They make a great couple."
"I hear the brother is a bit of a wild one. A friend of mine always goes to their bar, and apparently he leaves with a different girl each week." She waggled her brows. "Maybe I'll get lucky."
Libby sucked in a breath and didn't say anything. She knew Paul had been that way once. The question was, had he changed? He felt something for her, she was sure of it … but whether or not he'd be able to admit it was something else.
"Lovely chatting with you," Libby said, with an overbright smile. "I must go and find my boyf-fiancé."
The music had started, and waiters emerged from the kitchen carrying trays of smoked salmon hors d'oeuvres, tiny spoons of goat cheese and beet puree and, mercifully, large flutes of champagne.