She had expected Christmas to be so wonderful. Instead, she was beginning to wonder how she would get through it
“Aaron,” she whispered, knowing she was in love. He had been so good to her, helping her in multiple ways, changing her life, really. He was a good guy, honorable, loyal, fun to be with, sexy, loving. Was she making a mistake sending him away? Should she live with him and hope that someday he would love her? Was not telling her about his family an oversight—did he think she already knew because so many did?
She doubted it. She thought it was what gave him the shuttered look, what caused him to throw up an invisible barrier. He still had his heart shut away in memories and loss and she couldn’t reach it, much less ever have his love.
* * *
Aaron lay in bed in the dark, tossing and turning, his thoughts stormy. He missed Stella. He wanted to make love to her, wanted just to be with her. It was obvious something was bothering her. Why wouldn’t she just tell him and let them work it out?
Had it been the gifts? Did she want an engagement ring, instead?
He had proposed that first night he learned she was pregnant, but she had turned him down and she would until he declared he loved her and made a commitment to her with his whole heart. Without talking about it, he knew she was bothered and scared she was falling in love and he wouldn’t love her in return.
He liked her and maybe there was love up to a point, but he wasn’t into making a total commitment to her. He couldn’t tell her he loved her with his whole heart and that was what she wanted to hear. They hadn’t talked about it, but he felt he was right.
He enjoyed being with her more than any other woman since Paula. It surprised him to realize he wasn’t thinking as often of Paula. He would always love her and Blake and always miss them. He knew every time February 5 came around that it would have been Blake’s birthday. It always hurt and it always would.
All the more reason he wanted Stella in his life—because this baby was his and he wasn’t losing his second child. All he had to do was tell Stella he loved her with his whole heart. But he couldn’t; he had to be truthful about it. He was trying to back off and give her room, let her think things through. Why wouldn’t she settle for what they had, which was very good. They might fall in love in time and he might be able to handle his loss better. But that wasn’t good enough for Stella, because she wouldn’t take a chance on falling in love later.
Stella had some strong beliefs and held to them firmly.
Tossing back the covers, he got out of bed. This was his first night away from her for a little while, and he was miserable. What would he feel like in January when they parted for maybe months at a time?
Aaron felt caged in the small suite at the Cozy Inn. At home he would just go to his gym and work out hard enough that he had to concentrate on what he was doing until he was so exhausted he would welcome bed and sleep. Even without her. He couldn’t do that here. Knowledge that she was sleeping nearby disturbed him. He could go to her easily, but she would just say no.
Stella was intelligent. He figured at some point she would see they were compatible, the sex was fantastic and she surely would see that, hands down, it would be best for her baby to have a daddy—a daddy who would love him or her and be able to provide well for all of them.
Then he thought about Stella’s makeover. He had heard enough talk—guys in Royal had asked her out since she had been back in town after their first trip to Dallas. Trey Kramer had even asked Aaron if they were dating because he wanted to ask her out if she wasn’t committed. That didn’t thrill him. He had told Trey that he was dating Stella, but when he returned to work in Dallas in January, Aaron expected her to be asked out often by several men.