He nodded eagerly. “And I feel like a fool for even thinking it. I’m telling you, the second we heard the baby’s heartbeat, everything changed. I get it. I do.”
She sat back in the seat, picking at a spot on the leg of her pants. It was hard to look him in the eye—he was so upbeat and eager right now, but was that just the rush of the appointment? Would it wear off? She didn’t have the luxury of worrying whether he would be there for her and the baby. “It felt different then for me, too. Except in some ways, it just made me more scared. I’m going to be crushed if we lose this baby. Absolutely crushed. And every minute that goes by with this child growing inside of me, I’m going to change. I’m going to become more attached.”
“Come here,” he said, pulling her into his embrace. He rubbed her back as her head settled on his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
Part of her wanted to be able to accept everything he’d said at face value, the way a child does when they’re worried about monsters under the bed. He rubbed her back and anger bubbled inside her because she loved being like this with him. She wanted things back to the way they’d been before—before the world came crashing down, before he’d betrayed her, except this time, with the baby. Could she find a way to forgive him?
She wanted to let the bad things go, but one thing wouldn’t stop nagging at her. If he had truly wanted her back after the breakup, why didn’t he reach out? Why didn’t he fight for her? It had taken the pregnancy announcement to bring him back into her life, but that didn’t mean he actually wanted to stay. What would happen if she lost the baby? Would he walk away? Would the issues that came along with being with her be more than he wanted to deal with? “Don’t promise that everything will be okay. No amount of money or planning or crossing our fingers is going to make everything fine. We have to wait and see what happens and that’s going to kill me. It’s going to be so hard.”
“You have excellent medical care. You’re in the best possible hands.”
“Thanks a lot for raking my doctor over the coals. What in the hell were you thinking?” She pushed away from him and shook her head.
“I want the best for you and for the baby. You can’t fault me for that. Someone has to ask the hard questions.”
“I didn’t pick a random doctor off the internet, you know. I swear. Sometimes you and Adam are so alike it’s ridiculous. Neither one of you trusts me to do what’s right.”
“That’s not true. I trust you implicitly, and I’m sure your brother trusts you, too. He’s just gone through a particularly misguided phase since your father passed away.”
“It almost sounds like you’re defending him. Are you?” She narrowed her stare. It was the first nonvenomous thing that had come out of his mouth regarding Adam. “Because that would be truly weird.”
“I’m only pointing out that Adam is a smart guy. He’d have to be an idiot not to see how amazing you are.”
She rolled her eyes. “Lay it on thick, much?”
“Anna, come on. I’m just being honest. Can’t we be honest with each other? After everything we’ve been through and with everything we’re about to go through, I think it’s only wise that we’re truthful in everything.”
Truthful? Was he really going to throw that at her now? “Ironic, coming from you.”
He choked back the growl in his throat. “I was protecting you.”
Protecting me. Really? “Tell yourself whatever you need to. That’s not how it felt.” The driver pulled up to the curb in front of Anna’s building, then got out of the car to open her door. She couldn’t even look back at Jacob to say goodbye. That would be too difficult when she was busy grappling with too many emotions. It would be so easy for him to look at her a certain way and she would be hopelessly drawn in, wanting to curl up into him and let him do exactly what he’d promised, the impossible—protect her. “I’ll call you when they schedule the ultrasound.”
Jacob was saddled with the most uneasy feeling he’d ever had. Anna and their baby were about to leave him. And she was upset. She shouldn’t go upstairs and stew for hours. “Let me come in for a minute. We should talk.”
“I’m tired of talking. And don’t you need to get into the office?”
He was thankful he’d left his phone on vibrate. It’d been going crazy all through the appointment and during the car ride, but she didn’t need to know that his business world might be falling apart while he was out of pocket. “You’re more important right now.”