“Well, of course that’s part of it. How can it not be? This is just as much my responsibility as it is yours. Just because you’re carrying the child doesn’t mean that I don’t need to share the burden equally.”
“Burden? Is that how you see this? Because if you’re going to use words like that, I can’t even have you around. I need support. My entire life has fallen apart in the last year. I lost my dad, I’ve probably lost my dream job, and don’t forget that my family’s corporation is in serious danger of being dismantled, in large part, thanks to you. How is this even going to work, Jacob? How will we ever find a happy medium when my family hates you and you hate them right back?”
When she had the nerve to be so blatant with their circumstances, it certainly did seem as though they were screwed. The weeks apart of wanting her back hadn’t changed any of it. “I don’t hate your family, Anna. Your brother and your family are not the same thing. I can see that much. I had very strong feelings for you. Much stronger than I ever anticipated. I told you I was in love with you and I meant it. That didn’t go away.”
“But it did go away. You lied to me.”
“I kept the truth from you. To protect you. I couldn’t put you in the middle of the mess I’d made. I don’t know why you can’t see that.”
“I don’t want to argue semantics. I’m just telling you how I feel. That hasn’t changed.”
“Okay. Fine. I get it. Regardless, I’m not going to walk away from you and this baby.” Had he really just said that? A baby. It was far too surreal. “I’m all-in.”
“You do realize this isn’t a card game. We’re not placing bets.”
“Of course I know that. I’m not an idiot.”
“And I need to know that you’re sure. This is an all-or-nothing proposition. You don’t get to change your mind later.”
“I’m not going to change my mind.”
“We don’t even know what’s going to happen. The doctor didn’t just tell me that I couldn’t conceive, he told me it would be nearly impossible for me to carry a pregnancy to term.”
How much more harsh reality could there be between them? Not much. “I understand. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m half of this and that means I will participate and be there for whatever you need.”
She sighed deeply and rewrapped her sweater around her waist, binding it to her body tightly. It was hard to believe there was a tiny person growing inside her—one half her, one half him.
“Just so we’re clear, this does not mean we’re back together,” she said resolutely. “We’ll have to work out the specifics when the time comes, but this partnership is about having a baby and that’s it.”
He fought the exasperated breath that wanted to leak out of him. He deserved this, the universe’s way of reminding him that every action brought a reaction. He’d done the wrong thing, and atoning for that apparently came in the form of partnering with the woman he loved while under direct orders that there would be no reconciliation. “Clearly, you’re calling the shots here.”
She looked down at the floor, and when her eyes returned to his, he could see exactly how scared she was. It brought back, with a vengeance, the all-too-familiar ache for her. “Well, if you want to be involved, you can start by coming with me to my first doctor’s appointment. Thursday. Ten a.m.”
Jacob had a huge meeting scheduled that morning—a deal he’d been working on for months. “Of course. I’ll be there.”
Fourteen
Hospitals. One step inside and Anna was reminded of her dad—the months he spent fighting, in and out of the cancer ward, receiving treatments that they’d pinned so much hope on, only to ultimately lose. She wasn’t sure she could deal with another loss like that, and she was already so attached to the idea of the baby.
“We’re going up to the sixth floor.” Anna pointed to the bank of elevator doors straight ahead. When the doctors realized who Anna was and the serious straits she was in from the beginning, they’d moved her first prenatal appointment to the specialist’s office at the hospital. They wanted her to see a physician well-acquainted with high-risk pregnancies. Having that extra care was a comfort, but she really wished she didn’t need it at all.
Jacob held the elevator door for her, being as gentlemanly as could be. She shoved her hands into her coat pockets. How she would’ve loved to be able to take his hand, squeeze it, have a true partner in all of this. But she didn’t. He was the obligated dad. It had taken the pregnancy announcement to bring him back into her life. She hadn’t heard a word from him after they broke up. Of the many things she had to get past, that now felt like the most difficult.