Survivor's guilt. She was the poster child for the condition. Brodie walked across her living room, hands on her hips, her brow furrowed. She'd seen the psychologists, read the literature. She knew guilt was common and part of the healing process. Her healing process was taking a damn long time. She knew she isolated herself. Living a half life wasn't healthy-it certainly couldn't bring her loved ones back. But she couldn't stop thinking she didn't deserve to be happy.
Love was impossible.
The sound of her intercom buzzing broke into her thoughts. Brodie pushed back her hair, frowning. She wasn't expecting anybody-her great-aunt Poppy, who lived on the floor below, was out of town-so she couldn't imagine who could be leaning on her doorbell.
Brodie walked to her front door and pressed the switch. "Can I help you?"
"I have ninety minutes, can I come up?"
Kade. Holy freakin'... Because her mouth was instantly bone-dry, she found it difficult to form words.
"C'mon, babe, don't make me beg," Kade cajoled.
This was madness. This was crazy. She should tell him to leave, tell him that she didn't want him to come up. But that would be a big, fat lie... She did want to see him, preferably naked.
So Brodie pressed the button to open the door downstairs and wrenched open her apartment door to watch him run up. He was still dressed in his suit from earlier. His tie was pulled down and he carried a small gym bag and a tuxedo covered in plastic over his shoulder.
Hunky, sexy, determined man, Brodie thought, leaning against the door frame. Kade reached her and flashed a quick smile but didn't say a word. He just grabbed her hand, yanked her inside, kicked her door closed and threw his stuff on the nearest chair. Then two strong hands gripped her hips and swept her up and into him, her feet leaving the floor. Then his mouth was on hers, warm and demanding, and his tongue swept inside, allowing her to taste his frustration-coated passion.
Whoo-boy!
After a minute had passed-or a millennium, who could tell?-Kade gently lowered Brodie to her feet, but he kept his lips on hers, his tongue delving and dancing. She responded, awed by the pent-up longing she felt in the intensity of his kiss. Her response must have seemed just as demanding, as urgent. Brodie moved her hands to his shirt, tugging it out of his pants. Desperate to feel his skin on hers, she moaned her frustration and then resented the brief separation from Kade's body as he stepped away to unbutton and remove his shirt.
Brodie moved forward and ran her lips across his bare chest, stopping to flicker her tongue over his nipple, to rub her cheek on his chest hair. He was such a man. From the hardness of his muscles to the slightly rough texture of his skin and the smell that called to her senses, he awakened every cell in her body. She could no more stop this than she could stop a freight train. Neither did she want to, she realized.
She needed him, right now. She had to have him-in her, around her, sharing this with her.
"Bed," Kade muttered against her jawline.
"Too far." Brodie managed to lift a hand and wave to the right. "Desk, over there."
"That'll work."
Running his hands over her bottom, Kade lifted Brodie onto the edge of the desk and pushed the files and papers off the table. They slid and tumbled to the floor. She didn't care. Part of her knew this was a mistake, but she didn't care about that, either. Nothing mattered but having him in her arms, allowing him to make indescribably delicious love to her.
Kade quickly stripped her of her clothing, while Brodie watched him through heavy, half-closed eyes. Keeping one hand on her breast, he reached into his suit pants and yanked his wallet out of a pocket. Scattering cards and cash, he found a condom and ripped it open with his teeth. He shed the rest of his clothes, and slipped the condom on. Brodie was not shocked when Kade grabbed the flimsy material of her panties and ripped them off her. His erection was hard and proud as he rubbed himself against her most secret places, seeking her permission to enter.
His lips followed his erection, and Brodie thought she would turn to liquid. Just when she could tolerate no more, Kade lifted his head to worship her breasts with his mouth, tongue and lips. Brodie closed her fingers around him and relished the sound of his breathing, heavy in the quiet of the early evening. Brown eyes met green as she tugged him toward her. Kade's one hand slid under her hip and the other cradled her head, both encouraging her to ride with him.
The desk felt like a soft bed. The cold coffee she'd left there earlier could have been the finest champagne, the mixed-up papers rose petals. They were locked together. Finally. Kade moved within her and Brodie followed. Kade demanded and she replied. Deeper, longer, higher, faster. She met him stroke for stroke, matching his passion, uninhibited, free.
On that thought Brodie fractured on a yell and a sob. Then Kade bucked and arched and collapsed against her, his body hot.
"Brodie?" he muttered against her shoulder. "You alive?"
"Uh-huh."
"Desk survived?"
Brodie's mouth curved into a smile. She patted the wood next to her hip. "Looks like it. You?"
Kade kissed her neck before reluctantly pulling out of her. He straightened and turned away. "Yeah, I'm fine-"
Brodie sat up and frowned at his stream of curses. "What on earth...?"
Kade grimaced at the condom in his hand and then back to her. "The condom split. Dammit, it was brand-new."
Brodie hopped down from the desk and looked around for her shirt, which had landed on the back of her couch. Well, that was a big bucket of freezing water. Dressing quickly, she thought about what to say, how to act. Expressing anger or disappointment was sort of like bolting the stable door after the horse had fled. It wouldn't help. So she decided to be practical.
"If you want to, uh...clean up, my bedroom has an en suite bathroom, second door on the right."
Kade, utterly unconcerned with his nudity, stalked away. Brodie folded his suit pants, hung his shirt over the back of a chair and tucked his socks into his shoes. Picking up her ruined panties, she balled them in her hands before walking into her kitchen and throwing them into the trash can.
Putting her hands on her hips, she considered the angles. What were the chances of her becoming pregnant? She was on a contraceptive, which she took religiously. Was it even the right time of the month for her to be ovulating? Walking toward the calendar she kept on the side of her fridge, she tried to remember when last she'd had her period. Brodie counted back and pursed her lips. She'd be okay, she decided. There was no need to panic.
"And?"
Brodie turned to look at Kade standing in the square doorway, still naked, still hot. "It'll be fine. No need to stress, I'm on the pill."
Relief, hot and sure, flooded Kade's face, his eyes. "Good."
Brodie bit her lip, wondering how to phrase her next question. She didn't want to offend him, but... "Do I need to get myself tested for anything, well, yucky?"
Kade shook his head. "I had a medical three weeks ago and I always use a condom. This is the first time one has broken, I promise."
Well, that was a relief and a less awkward conversation than she'd thought it would be. When Kade grabbed her shirt and pulled her toward him all thoughts of pregnancy and STDs evaporated. He kissed her, long and slow. "You have too many clothes on."
Man, how was she supposed to resist when he made her feel all squirmy and hot? "You don't have any condoms left."
"You do. I saw some in your bathroom cabinet."
Brodie pulled a face. She'd bought them years ago, during her sleeping-with-the-IT-guy phase. "They've been in there for years."
"I checked the expiration date, we're good to go." Kade's lips nibbled her jaw. "You good to go?"
"Bed this time?" Brodie asked.
"And in the shower the next."
Brodie glanced at the clock on her kitchen wall. Twice more in an hour and fifteen minutes?
Well, she'd heard about Kade Webb's ambition, but she'd never thought she'd see it in action.
* * *
Kade walked out of her bathroom dressed in his tuxedo pants, his white dress shirt hanging loose. While he was showering she'd run a brush through her hair, pulled on a loose cotton sweater and a pair of yoga pants and was now sitting cross-legged on her bed, trying to act like it was an everyday occurrence for Kade to be in her apartment, showering in her bathroom.
"Why aren't you going to the ball? Surely it's a good place to promote your business?" Kade asked as he sat down next to her to pull on his black socks. "After all, you came to the lunch."
"I came as a sponsor, not to tout for business." Brodie placed her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. "I've got to be careful how I network. It's not like I can work the room, handing out business cards. My business is based on discretion and most of my clients come to me via word of mouth. Our website and contact numbers are on the program-if someone wants to talk to us they'll call. I only match guys and I can practically guarantee no man there will talk business to me at the ball, not when they can be overheard."