Pregnant by the Maverick Millionaire(29)

Brodie felt the kick in her stomach, in her heart, in her head. "Okay."

"Okay? That's it? That's all you have to say?"

She wouldn't throw herself at his knees and beg him not to leave her. It  was better this way; it had to be. "What do you want to do about the  baby?"

"The baby? God!" Kade looked like he wanted to put his fist through a  wall. "Right now I'm so damn mad at you I can't think! Do you not  understand you are throwing away something pretty amazing to hide behind  those walls you've built up? I'm scared, too, Brodie. Raising kids,  being together, is meant to be scary!"

"There are no guarantees, Kade."

"Of course there aren't! You just take what happiness you can and run  with it. You just feel damn grateful for it." Kade rubbed his hands over  his face. "I'm talking to a freaking brick wall. Have fun hiding out,  Brodie. As I said, I'm done."

Brodie nodded once and bit her bottom lip, everything in her trying to keep the tears at bay. "Okay."

"Okay? That's all you have? For God's sake..." Kade slapped his hand  against the door frame as he whipped around. "Talking to a friggin'  wall."

Brodie waited until she heard the door to the outer office slam closed  before she finally allowed herself to cry. Hunched over and hurting, she  watched from a place far away as tears ran off her face and dropped to  the carpet below.

Yeah, the pain was here, accompanied by desolation and despair. It was okay, she'd been here before and she'd handled it.

She could do it again.

But right now she just wanted to cry, for herself, for her child, for  the butterflies in her stomach that were dying a slow and excruciating  death.

* * *

Kade was convinced he held the record for the fastest heartbreak in the  history of the world. Within the space of the afternoon he'd realized he  loved Brodie and that nothing would ever come of it. His mind wanted to  stop loving her but he knew his heart always would.

Kade loosened his tight grip on the stem of his wineglass and stared at  False Creek, for the first time not seeing the beauty below him. It had  been twilight when he returned home from work tonight, three weeks since  he'd walked out of Brodie's office and her life. And while he could  remember the exact date and time his life turned dark, he had no idea  what time it was now.

Brodie had done what he'd expected, maintained radio silence. They  hadn't spoken, messaged, emailed or texted each other and he felt  adrift. Before Brodie hurtled her way into his life he'd felt content  with his lot, generally happy. He hadn't wanted a relationship and had  been content to have an affair here, a one-night stand there. No  promises, no hassle.

Brodie had been nothing but a hassle and an all-around pain in his ass,  but when she wasn't annoying him, she brought light and laughter to his  life. Kade placed his forearm over his eyes and cursed his burning eyes.                       
       
           



       

He finally loved someone with everything he had and she wanted jack from him. Life was laughing at him.

He wanted to go to Brodie, wanted to beg her to allow him to be part of  her life, but he knew that was a road heading straight to a deeper level  of hell. He'd be seeing her again in five months or so anyway, and  maybe by then he would've stopped thinking about what they could've had.

Growing up with his father had taught Kade that chasing rainbows led to  disappointment. You couldn't force someone to love you. Love wasn't  something to be demanded; it either was or it...wasn't.

He loved Brodie and while he suspected she could love him, she didn't.  She wouldn't allow herself to love him and he wasn't going to beg. He  wanted everything and he wouldn't settle for anything less. He couldn't;  the resentment would kill him and, worse, it would kill his love for  her.

So he'd love her from a distance for the rest of his life. That was the  way it had to be so the sooner he got used to feeling like crap, the  better.

Kade sat up, rested his forearms on his thighs and dangled the glass  between his knees. He could wallow or he could distract himself. He  could call Quinn and they could go clubbing. He could go to Mac and  Rory's for dinner. He could do some work or a gym session.

What he wasn't going to do was to sit on this couch in the dark and feel  sorry for himself. Yet it was another fifteen minutes before he got up  and another ten before he crossed the room to flick on some lights.

He just needed time, he told himself. A millennium or two might be long enough to get over her.





Twelve

The summer holidays were almost over and the vast beaches on the west  side of Vancouver Island had been, for all intents and purposes,  returned to the birds and the crabs that were the year-round residents  of the island. Soon the leaves would start to turn, winter would drop  the temperature and the storms would roll in.

But for now, Brodie and Poppy walked the empty beach, bare feet digging  into the sand, watching the rolling waves kiss the shore. The stiff  breeze pushed Brodie's thin hoodie against her round tummy and kicked  sand up against her bright blue yoga pants. She loved this place, Brodie  realized. Away from Vancouver, away from the city, she could breathe  and think.

"When are you going to stop punishing yourself for living?" Poppy asked as she took Brodie's arm.

Brodie pushed a hunk of hair out of her eyes and squinted at Poppy. "I'm not punishing myself."

"Really? Well, the way I see it there is a man on the mainland who wants  to be part of your life, who wants to raise this baby with you, but you  are determined to take the hard road and do it all by your little  lonesome. Is that not punishing yourself?"

"That's me protecting myself," Brodie retorted.

"From what? Pain?" Poppy asked. "From loneliness?"

Brodie stared out to sea and focused her attention on a ship on the  horizon and ignored Poppy's probing questions. She didn't want to think  about Kade, though there was little else she thought about these days.  She definitely didn't want to talk about him.

But Poppy wasn't intimidated by Brodie's scowling face or her frown.  "News flash, you are so damn lonely you don't know what to do with  yourself."

"Pops, please."

Poppy dropped her arm and they stood side by side, looking out to sea. Poppy released a long breath. "Do you see that ship?"

She'd only been staring at it for the past half hour. Brodie nodded,  glad Poppy had dropped the subject of Kade. "It's a container ship,  probably headed for Japan."

Poppy nodded, her expression contemplative. "There's a saying about ships and leaving the harbor...do you know it?"

Brodie shook her head.

"It goes something like this-'a ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for.'"

Brodie wrinkled her nose. How silly she'd been to think Poppy had  dropped the subject; Poppy only stopped when she'd brought you around to  her way of thinking.

"Ships aren't built for safety but neither are humans. We should take  risks. We have to take risks. You and Kade? Well, that's a risk worth  taking."

"I'm scared. Of loving him too much, scared it won't last forever.  Scared he thinks he loves me but only loves me because of this baby. So  scared he might-"

"Die?" Poppy interrupted. "What if you die? What if a freak tsunami  washes you off the beach right now? What then? What if you die giving  birth? What then?"

"That would suck," Brodie admitted.                       
       
           



       

"It really would. But would you want Kade to be alone for the rest of  his life, to-metaphorically speaking-wear black widower's weeds, too  scared to love again, laugh again? To live again?"

Dammit. She knew where Poppy was going with this but she couldn't find  anything to say to get out of this quandary. All she could think of was  that it was easier for Poppy to say it than for Brodie to do it.

"Well?" Poppy demanded.

"But-"

"There are no buts. Jay would hate to see you like this. Your parents  would be so disappointed in you." Poppy grabbed Brodie's chin and forced  her to meet faded blue eyes. Poppy's body might be old but her eyes  were alive and fierce and determined.

"Do you love him?"

Brodie couldn't lie, wouldn't lie. "Yes."

"These are your choices and you need to think them through. You can  wallow and live a miserable half life until you die. You can keep  punishing yourself, keep disappointing yourself because you don't have  the balls to choose differently."

"God, Poppy."

Poppy ignored Brodie's desperate laugh. "Or you can take your butt back  to the city, throw yourself at his feet and apologize for being an ass.  Find out if he loves you, if this is a forever thing. Face your fears."