Brodie pushed away her plate, looking for an excuse not to talk. But she couldn't keep doing that, not if they were going to co-parent. She needed to learn to open up, just a little. "They were. I was the center of their universe, the reason the sun came up for them every morning." She rested her chin in the palm of her hand. "That makes me sound like I was spoiled, but I wasn't, not really. They gave me more experiences than things. They gave me attention and time, and, most importantly, roots and wings. I felt...lost when they died. I still feel lost," Brodie admitted. "And so damn scared."
Kade took one more sip of soup before standing up. He picked up the bowls and carried them to the sink, leaving them there. On his return trip, he stopped at Brodie's chair and held out his hand. "Let's go sit."
Brodie put her hand in his and followed him across the room to the mammoth sofa. Kade sat down and pulled Brodie next to him, placing his hand on her knee to keep her there. They looked at the city lights and Brodie finally allowed her head to drop so her temple rested on Kade's shoulder.
"What scares you, Brodie?"
Brodie heard his quiet question and sighed. "Love scares me. Feeling attached and running the risk of losing the person I am attached to scares me. Being a mommy scares the pants off me."
"Why?"
"I know how quickly life can change. One day I was bright, happy and invincible. The next I'd lost everyone that mattered to me." She had to continue; she couldn't stop now. "I not only lost my parents in a single swoop, but my two best friends, too. I survived the accident with minor physical injuries and major emotional ones."
He didn't mutter meaningless words of sympathy. He just put her onto his lap, his arms holding her against his broad chest.
Him holding her was all she needed.
"Tell me about your childhood," she asked, desperate to change the subject.
Kade stared out the window at the breathtaking views of False Creek and the city. Brodie wondered if he ever got used to it. Kade, reading her mind, gestured to the window. "I do my best thinking here, looking out of this window. It's never the same, always different depending on the time of day, the month, the season. It's a reminder that nothing stays the same. As a kid my life was nothing but change."
Brodie half turned so she could watch his face as he talked. This was the first time they'd dropped some of their barriers and it was frightening. This was something she'd done with her friends, with Chels and Jay. She was out of practice.
"After my mom died, my dad packed up our house, sold everything and hit the road. He wanted to see the country. He wanted to paint. He couldn't leave me behind and he wouldn't stay so I went along. I went to many, many different schools. Some for months, some for only weeks. In some places I didn't even get to school. My education was-" Kade hesitated "-sporadic."
Brodie knew if she spoke she'd lose him so she just waited for him to continue talking.
"But while I hated school, I loved to play hockey and I could always make friends on the ice. Especially since I was good and everyone wanted me on their team. But invariably I'd find a team, make some friends, start to feel settled and he'd yank me off to someplace new."
"I'm sorry."
"So in a way we're the same, Brodie."
Brodie frowned, unsure of where he was going with this. "How?"
"You're scared to become emotionally involved because you're scared to lose again. I'm scared for the same reason." Kade dropped his hand to pat her stomach. "We're going to have to find a way to deal with those fears because this little guy-"
"It could be a girl."
Kade's smile was soft and sweet. "This baby is going to need us, what we can give her. Or him. Individually or together."
His words were low and convincing and Brodie finally accepted he wasn't going to change his mind about the baby. He was determined to play his part parenting their child. Okay then, that was something she would have to get used to.
So, how did they deal with their attraction while they learned to navigate the parenting landscape?
"Problem?"
Brodie wiggled her butt against his long length and heard his tortured hiss. "The fact that we are stupidly attracted to each other is a problem."
"It is?"
"I am not falling into a relationship with you just because we are going to be co-parents, Kade."
A small frown pulled his strong eyebrows together. "Were we talking about a relationship?"
"I just... We just..." Dammit, he made her sound like a blithering idiot.
"Relax, Brodie." He touched her lips, her jaw. "I want you, just like I wanted you forty-five minutes ago, last week, six weeks ago. Not because of the baby but because you drain the blood from my brain. It's a totally separate issue from us being parents. We can do it."
"I don't see how."
"That's because you could complicate a three-piece jigsaw puzzle," Kade teased. "So we slept together again..."
"Yeah, we weren't supposed to do that."
The corners of Kade's mouth tipped up in amusement. "On, the plus side, at least we know you won't fall pregnant."
"Ha-ha." Brodie stared at his broad chest. "I still think we should try to be friends. Our lives are complicated enough already without dealing with sex."
"Why can't we be friends who make love?"
"Because it never works. What if you meet someone you like, someone you desire more than me? I still have to find you two more dates. What if you fall head over heels in love with one of them?"
Kade's hand on her thigh tightened and then relaxed. "What if the sky fell down in the morning?" he drawled. "Do you always borrow trouble like this?"
Her sky had fallen down and trouble had landed on her door. She just wanted to protect herself from it happening again. Was that so wrong? Talking to him, opening up, was dangerous. If she wasn't careful she could love him. She couldn't-wouldn't-allow herself to do that.
Brodie started to move away, to climb off his lap, to find some physical and emotional distance, but his arms held her close.
"No, don't go, Brodes. Just rest that brain of yours, take some time to regroup. Stop thinking."
It was such a huge temptation to rest a while in his embrace. Surrounded by him she felt like nothing could hurt her, that the world and her life weren't quite as scary as she imagined them to be.
"Just rest, sweetheart. We'll figure it out, I promise." Kade's deep voice sounded almost tender. Brodie curled into him and placed her cheek on his chest, her ear directly over his heart. If she closed her eyes she would just drift off...
* * *
Brodie rolled over onto her stomach and looked across the coffee table. It was a beautiful day and the sky was a bright, clear blue. Beyond False Creek the Pacific Ocean looked grumpy and the wind teased the water, creating white horses on its surface. If she ignored the morning sickness, she felt better than she had for days, maybe weeks.
Last night, instead of thinking, planning, shoring up her defenses, instead of arguing, she'd allowed Kade to pull her head back to his chest and loop his arms around her. His hand, drawing lazy circles on her back, had lulled her to sleep. She had a vague memory of him picking her up and placing her on the large couch and wrapping his long body around hers as she slept. He'd kept her restless dreams at bay and the feeling of being protected, cared for, had allowed her to drop into a deep, rejuvenating sleep.
Brodie sat up and pushed her hair out of her eyes. She looked over her shoulder and saw Kade standing at the center island, watching her. Something deep, hot and indefinable sparked between them and Brodie bit her bottom lip. Sexy, rumpled man, she thought. How was she supposed to resist him?
"Come here, Brodie," Kade said, his voice as deep and dark as his gaze, the order in it unmistakable.
She knew what would follow if she stood up. She heard it in his voice, saw it in the desire flashing in his eyes, in the way he gripped the counter, tension rippling through his arms. He wanted her...
Brodie knew she shouldn't, knew this was a mistake but she stood up anyway. On shaky legs, she crossed the space to the kitchen, walked around the island and stopped a foot away from him. Seeing a half-empty glass of orange juice, she picked it up and took a long sip. Excitement and desire caused her hand to shake and orange juice ran down her chin.
Kade wiped the droplets off with his thumb. "I have to kiss you."