Wes was watching me intently, absorbing my every word. I couldn't tell what he was thinking because he kept his face void of emotion. The only indication that he was even listening to me was an occasional nod or raise of his eyebrows.
"I didn't see him for a week during thanksgiving break and we didn't speak much while we were away from each other. I had made the decision to break up with him when we got back to campus, but then when we returned to school, he was acting like his normal self again. I didn't break up with him. Everything went back to normal, and he never accused me of cheating on him or not loving him again. He was gentle and loving, and he'd take me back to the arcade we went to on our first date and see if he could win me one of those stuffed giraffes every time. Everything was perfect."
I took a deep breath and a sob escaped me as I formed my next sentences. Wes's hand moved in soothing circles across my back, and he held me tighter against him.
"A couple of days before we left for Christmas break Jesse had made plans to take me out on some romantic date since I wouldn't likely see him again until mid January. I spent hours getting all dressed up. I had went out and bought a new dress and shoes. The dress was a pale pink color and it had a fitted bodice with an empire waist. There was a cutout in the back and I thought it made me took more grown up and sexy. I even let Skyler do my hair. She pulled it into a high ponytail and curled it. I remember feeling more beautiful than I ever had before," my voice became shaky and I had to take another minute to collect myself. Wes was patient, allowing me the time that I needed.
"I drove over to his house to meet him, and once again, walked in without knocking. No one was around which I remember thinking was weird. With five guys living together there was usually always someone lingering in the shadows. I got over to Jesse's room, and he had his back to me."
It was like I was transported back into that moment. I was no longer in Wes's arms as he soothed me; I was back in Jesse's room. I could feel the air conditioner blasting onto my skin, making me shiver, and the smell of sweat and cologne throughout the house. I could see the empty walls of Jesse's room and the white powder spilled out across his dresser, a razor and a rolled up one-dollar bill beside it. I felt that same dread wash over me at the sight, just as I had that day, and the tears start to form as I felt like a fool. I remember thinking that he might love me, but not as much as he loved the drugs.
"Hey you," I had said playfully to his back as I strolled through the entrance of his bedroom.
I took a seat on the edge of his bed, noticing that he was only wearing a pair of jeans. I had frowned, hoping it wouldn't take him long to get ready so we could begin our date.
He turned towards me, then, breaking through my thoughts. He had that all too familiar glassy look in his eyes. It was a look I could finally admit to myself wasn't caused by stress of studying, but rather the influence of drugs.
There was a cold, harsh look behind his slightly red, dilated pupils and I shivered again, except this time it wasn't from the cold air in the room.
"I can't do this Jesse. You said you'd stop," I sighed, fighting back tears, and got up from his bed. He reached out and grabbed me by my bicep, wrapping his fingers around me tightly before I could make it to the door.
"Ouch, Jesse let me go," I cried, wiggling my arm against his hold, which only tightened through my resistance. "You're hurting me!"
"You think you're gonna just leave me?" He said in a low, haunted voice, bringing his face inches from mine.
I swallowed, starting to realize the danger I was in.
"ANSWER ME!" Jesse roared, his face still so close to mine that I flinched and whimpered, unable to control my tears any longer.
"You said you'd stop," I whispered through my tears.
He pushed me away from him roughly, and I slammed back into the wall. My head hit the side of the doorframe and a sharp pain shot through my skull. Jesse walked over to the door and slammed it shut, locking it behind him.
"Who is it?" He asked me, the only emotion in his voice that of hatred. "Who is the prick you're leaving me for?"
"No one!" I pleaded, and the reality of the situation set in. I looked around through my blurred vision and realized that there was no way for me to escape him. I was trapped.
"Don't fuckin' LIE TO ME BROOKELYN!!!" The veins in his neck were pulsing through his anger, and his already dark eyes were black as his revulsion towards me bore into me. His fists were clenched and he took a few long strides until he was toe to toe with me, bring his face close to mine once again. He slammed his fist against the wall, millimeter from my face, and I heard the crumple of sheetrock.
"You think you're so much better than me, don't you?" He asked, and let out a single, harsh laugh. He looked me up and down in disgust. He reached up and grabbed the fabric of my dress with both fists, and ripped the material down the front. I cried out as the material fell from my body and I was left standing in a pink thong and a flesh colored strapless bra. I had never felt so naked.
"You think you can just put on a fancy dress and that makes you above me?!" He snarled, throwing my destroyed dress to the floor. "You're not fooling anyone, you know. Everyone knows that you're nothing more than a cheap whore."
Jesse raised his hand and I cried out again as the sting from his palm spread across my cheek. I let out a sob that resembled a scream.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Jesse screamed, pulling me from the wall by my ponytail, and pushing me roughly onto the ground. My foot slipped on the silky fabric of my discarded dress and I lost my balance further. My head crashed against the side of his dresser and I couldn't stop myself from screaming out in pain. I brought my fingers to my head and felt a warm liquid at the crown of my scalp. I brought my fingers in front of me and saw the blood on them.
"No one can save you, Brookey Baby. No one's here." He laughed, enjoying his cruelty. "Everyone's at the game, remember?"
I had forgotten about the basketball game tonight. Everyone from school was going because we were playing our rivals. I didn't care for sports, so Jesse decided to take me out tonight instead.
With one swift kick to my ribs, I felt something crack, and I no longer cared if I screamed. The pain was too much.
He looked down at where I lied, crouched in the corner in a fetal position. He leveled me with a glare full of so much hatred that I whimpered, afraid of what might come next.
"You stupid bitch." He inched closer to me and I tried to make myself as small as possible wishing that I could just disappear. "Get up."
I whimpered again but my fear kept me frozen in place. I couldn't have moved if I had wanted to.
"I said, GET UP!!"
The next instant I was being pulled from my place on the ground, a sob breaking through my lips, as I willed myself not to scream. Screaming only made it worse.
"Brookelyn? Come back to me, baby," Wes said, softly shaking my head in his hands. My gaze refocused and I looked into his blue eyes filled with worry.
"Sorry," I murmured to him, feeling bad for placing that look in his eyes. He wiped away the tears that I hadn't noticed were falling. His jaw was tight, and the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed I could tell that he was having a hard time hearing about what happened.
"I need to finish," I whispered. "I need you to understand."
Wes nodded, and I felt myself drifting back to that day once again as I spoke.
The pain wouldn't end. With every blow I prayed that it would be the last, but then I'd feel another slap across my face, or a punch to my jaw. I'd feel another kick to my ribs, or my stomach, or the twist of my arms as he pulled me to my feet and slammed me back into the wall, watching me as I crumbled to the floor, in a fetal position.
My head throbbed and my vision blurred with dark blotches and my never-ending tears. I could feel the right side of my face starting to swell and it was difficult to close that eye. Every time I tried I would wince in pain, which only seemed to amuse Jesse.
The only time I was safe was when he'd walk back over to his dresser and snort a few more lines. With each new line, Jesse came back to me more and more energized.
"Tell me who it is you stupid bitch!" Jesse demanded, towering over where I sat crouched in the corner between the wall and his nightstand.