The line rang once, twice, three times. My heart fell with each ring.
"Hi." His voice sounded empty and hollow as my heart thudded in and out of my chest.
"Hi," I choked out. God, I miss you. Can we put this behind us? Do you still want me? "How are you?" I whispered.
"Not good," his deep voice answered.
"Me too." A few tears trickled down my cheeks and I sniffed as my nose began to run. "Can I see you?" The words escaped my lips before I could stop them.
"You want to?" Carter's voice came across the line emotionless.
"Always." I whispered.
I heard a sharp intake of breath. "Do you want me to send Parker?"
"Okay." I paused, unsure of what to say. "Carter?"
"Yeah?" he replied.
"I’m sorry." The air escaped my lungs in a quiet breath.
"Parker will be there in ten." He hung up the phone.
I sat with my head in my hands for a few moments wondering what that brief conversation had meant. Carter's voice was completely emotionless. He sounded exactly like that last day in Aspen—few words and painfully quiet. My heart fell into the pit of my stomach.
I stood, grabbed my purse, and threw on shoes all ready for Parker's arrival when my eyes landed on the ring. My heart ached again at what he'd said; how we'd shared each other in the gondola on the ride down. Tears sprang to my eyes. I squeezed them shut to try to push the pain away. I needed to be strong and deal with this head on. I had had the last twenty-four hours to sob and cry, now was the time to move forward, with or without Carter.
I walked out the bedroom door, leaving the ring behind.
The car ride was silent as Parker drove me to Beacon Street. I refused to over-analyze the situation. No more thinking, I had to start doing. I made my way up the steps, the lamplight off the street throwing shadows around the limestone pillars. It felt dark and unknown. I knocked lightly at the door.
"Come in." I heard from inside the house. I turned the knob and opened the door, taking soft steps into the foyer. The house was bathed in silence.
Removing my shoes, I walked barefoot through Carter's home. The home that I had thought would be mine for those few short weeks in Aspen. I found the kitchen and the living room dark and empty. Walking down the hallway, I found a soft light emanating from a cracked door. My fingers touched the dark wood and I peeked in. There sat Carter, behind his desk.
I stepped in the room and his eyes watched me blankly. His face was expressionless. He wore a plain black shirt and faded jeans with one leg crossed ankle to knee, barefoot. God, I loved seeing him barefoot in a pair of worn jeans. His reading glasses sat perched on a stack of paperwork. I held his gaze as I sat down in the chair facing the rich mahogany desk. His eyes looked bloodshot and hollow.
I registered a bottle of whiskey open on the desk and his hand wrapped around a nearly empty glass. My eyes shot to his. I'm sure he could see the question in my mind. My thoughts were filled with the last time I’d seen drunk Carter, angry and unpredictable. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.
"Are you okay?" I opened my eyes and held his steely gaze with mine.
"I told you I’m not." His eyes seemed to look right through me.
"Are you mad?"
"Of course I’m mad." He took a sip. My brain searched for answers. I still didn't feel like what I had said warranted this kind of reaction.
"Do you... want to have the marriage annulled?" I whispered as fear seized my heart.
His head whipped up and indefinable emotions blazed in his eyes. "Is that what you want?"
"I... no. But if it's what you want..." I trailed off.
"It's not. But I would understand..." He turned his head to stare out the window into the black night.
"I’m sorry you're upset, Carter, but I don't regret telling you how I felt…" I trailed off.
"I’m not mad at you, Evangeline. It was terrible, what you said, I don't know what you expected me to do. But I’m mad at me, too. I shouldn't have reacted that way. And what I did after… it shouldn't have happened." He dropped my gaze and took a long draw from his glass.
"What shouldn't have happened?" My brain tried to recall the events of that day.
"After, on the car. I nearly…" He trailed off.
"Nearly what?" I whispered, afraid to hear his answer. He squeezed his eyes tight as if he were trying to rid an image from his brain.
He heaved a great sigh. "I nearly raped you," he said through clenched teeth.
"What?" I choked out.
"Don't do that, Evangeline. Don't pretend that it was nothing. What I did to you was terrible. I can't even believe you're here right now. And when you let me drop you off at home, I knew then. I knew that was it for us. It broke my heart, but I deserve it. You're too good for me, Evangeline." He ran his hands through his hair. "We had such a perfect time, and then I did that to you. I’ll understand if you never want to see me again."