“Is there bacon in this soup?”
He handed her a spoon and sat down beside her. “No, I made it this morning with your boundaries in mind.”
“Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?”
“I prefer optimistic. So…your life was threatened today?”
“I think so.” She looked down at her bowl.
“You’re taking it awfully well.”
“It doesn’t seem real.”
“You’re safe here,” he assured her. “The perimeter is fenced and I know the minute anything heavier than five pounds touches the driveway.”
“So you’re optimistic, but paranoid?”
He buttered a piece of bread and handed it to her. “I don’t like surprises. Plus, I’m a techno-geek. I like to invent things.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes. He wanted to text Jake, but he sensed Audrey had reached her limit for being left out of the loop. “Did your brother say when he would be back?”
“No.” Her tone suggested Jake was going to be in trouble when he arrived.
His soup was gone, so he got himself another bowl. He ate it more slowly, needing something to do other than stare at her and try to keep his hands to himself. When he was finished, he stood and put his bowl in the sink. “Would you like more soup?” he asked.
“No, thank you.” The odd note in her voice made him glance over at her. She was staring at him hungrily, the way he wanted to look at her. Her jeans and zippered fleece made her curves look soft and inviting. He remembered how she had looked naked, prowling over his leather table, and his mouth watered.
“Cal?” Her voice trembled. “I’m out of my depth with you.”
That was exactly how he felt too.
She cleared her throat. “I’ve never considered a kinky relationship. Is relationship even the right word? I’ve always taken pride in being…well, normal doesn’t seem appropriate…mainstream, conventional, conservative…” She broke off, looking frustrated again.
“Vanilla?” he suggested, sitting down next to her again.
She sighed and nodded. “Not the first time I’ve heard that word.”
“Nothing wrong with vanilla, but it’s just one flavor. Think of all the others.” There was a husky plea in his voice. “Do you have to hang a label on us?”
“It’s not a label. It’s a…realistic analysis of what we have in common. You claim to be a geek, but come on. Empirical evidence proves that false. You wear black leather and drive a motorcycle—”
“Give me five minutes to grab a lab coat and the keys to my sedate Honda.” He fumbled in a drawer for the thick glasses he wore at work to disguise the blue of his eyes and put them on. “Does that help?”
She snorted. “Turning into Clark Kent doesn’t change anything. I still see Superman. No intelligent woman would turn you down.” She crossed her arms and frowned. “And I’m a smart woman, Cal. When I don’t understand something, I learn about it. If I can’t figure it out, I find someone who can and I learn from them. I want to know why my brain turns off when you’re in the room. I don’t understand why kink gives me the creeps but I’m attracted to you. It scares me that I let you restrain me last night after knowing you for an hour. I’m not like that. Can you explain any of this to me?”
“No, I can’t.” He could barely resist the pull of her, drawing him closer in some invisible, indefinable way, even as he felt her slipping away from him. “But I can teach you anything you want to know about kink.”
She shook her head. “And if I don’t want to learn? What then? What if I really am vanilla? What if that is my flavor?”
Panic stopped the breath in his throat. The inches separating them felt like miles. The thought of losing her sent a surge of energy through his body and his vision went blue around the edges.
He fought for control. This might be the biggest negotiation of his life, but it was still a negotiation. The most important thing was to stay calm, to keep them both safe, physically and mentally. He wanted to push her limits, but she was right. She didn’t even know what that meant.
“Take a deep breath, Audrey.” He took one too. “We’ll figure it out.”
“How are we going to figure it out, Cal? You get off by immobilizing women, whipping them but never touching them. That doesn’t do it for me.” She lifted her chin. He saw a bluff in her eyes, but he didn’t call it.
Too far, too fast, and now they would have to start from the beginning. Slowly, methodically, he would break down her barriers again. He stroked a finger through her glossy ponytail. “And I bet you get off in the missionary position, with every inch of skin exposed. The thought of that terrifies me…and arouses me beyond belief. I turned to BDSM because how else was I going to get laid? Kink camouflages reality for my partners and relieves me of the necessity of explaining my talent. But now it’s a part of me. I love it. I’ve never had sex any other way. I don’t even know if I can do it. Bare is frightening, dangerous, but I’m willing to experiment with you. Safely. Carefully. Consensually. You may be vanilla and I may be kinky, but I am incredibly attracted to you and we’re both scientists. I have an open mind. How about you? Are you willing to try again? Another experiment?”