Postmortem(49)

Something was different this time.

“What is it?” I forced myself to ask. “Are you unsettled because of our relationship? You’re thinking someone’s going to figure it out and accuse us of being professionally in bed together—accuse me of rigging the results to suit the prosecution?”

He glanced at me, his face flushed. “I’m not thinking that at all. It’s a fact we’ve been together, but big deal? So we’ve gone out to dinner and taken in a few plays . . .”

He didn’t have to complete the sentence. Nobody knew about us. Usually he came to my house or we went to some distant place, such as Williamsburg or D.C., where it wasn’t likely we would run into anybody who would recognize us. I’d always been more worried about the public seeing us together than he seemed to be.

Or was he alluding to something else, something far more biting?

We were not lovers, not completely, and this remained a subtle but uncomfortable tension between us.

I think we’d both been aware of the strong attraction, but we’d completely avoided doing anything about it until several weeks ago. After a trial that didn’t end until early evening, he casually offered to buy me a drink. We walked to a restaurant near the courthouse and two Scotches later we were heading to my house. It was that sudden. It was adolescent in its intensity, our lust as tangible as heat. The forbiddenness of it made it all the more frantic, and then quite suddenly while we were in the dark on my living room couch, I panicked.

His hunger was too much. It exploded from him, invaded instead of caressed as he pushed me down hard into the couch. It was at that moment I had a vivid image of his wife slumped against pale blue satin pillows in bed like some lovely life-size doll, the front of her white negligee stained dark red, the nine-millimeter automatic just inches from her limp right hand.

I’d gone to the suicide scene knowing only that the wife of the man running for Commonwealth’s attorney apparently had committed suicide. I did not know Bill then. I examined his wife. I literally held her heart in my hands. Those images, all of them, flashed graphically behind my eyes in my dark living room so many months later.

Physically, I withdrew from him. I’d never told him the real reason why, although in the days that followed he continued to pursue me even more vigorously. Our mutual attraction remained but a wall had gone up. I could not seem to tear it down or climb over it much as I wanted to.

I was scarcely hearing a word he was saying.

“. . . and I don’t see how you could rig DNA results unless you’re involved in a conspiracy that includes the private lab conducting the tests and half the forensic bureau, too—”

“What?” I asked, startled. “Rig DNA results?” “You haven’t been listening,” he blurted out impatiently.

“Well, I missed something, that’s certain.”

“I’m saying no one could accuse you of rigging anything—that’s my point. So our relationship has nothing to do with what I’m thinking.”

“Okay.”

“It’s just . . .” He faltered. “Just what?” I asked. Then, as he drained his glass again, I added, “Bill, you have to drive . . .”

He waved it off.

“Then what is it?” I demanded again. “What?” He pressed his lips together and wouldn’t look at me. Slowly, he drew it out. “It’s just I’m not sure where you’ll be in the eyes of the jurors by then.”

I couldn’t have been more stunned had he struck me with his open palm.

“My God . . . You do know something. What? What! What is that son of a bitch plotting? He’s going to fire me because of this goddam computer violation, is this what he’s said to you?”

“Amburgey? He’s not plotting anything. Hell, he doesn’t have to. If your office gets blamed for the leaks, and if the public eventually believes the inflammatory news stories are why the killer’s striking with increased frequency, then your head will be on the block. People need someone to blame. I can’t afford my star witness to have a credibility or popularity problem.”

“Is this what you and Tanner were discussing so intensely after lunch?” I was just a blink away from tears. “I saw you on the sidewalk, coming out of The Peking . . .”

A long silence. He had seen me, too, then but had pretended otherwise. Why? Because he and Tanner probably were talking about me!

“We were discussing the cases,” he replied evasively. “Discussing a lot of things.”

I was so enraged, so stung, I didn’t trust myself to say a word.

“Listen,” he said wearily as he loosened his tie and unfastened the top button of his shirt. “This didn’t go right. I didn’t mean for it to come out like this. I swear to God. Now you’re all upset, and I’m all upset. I’m sorry.”