Poison Throne: A Dark College Romance(15)

Also, the problem wasn't discussing my sex life with Rafe's mom... it was discussing my sex life with the queen of the Switzerlands and one of the worlds most powerful rulers.

Yeah... No. This was a conversation I should have been having with Mattie. My soul sister. I needed to sort out this shit with the guys, then give my best bitch a call to catch up and really check that she was okay.

But what exactly could I say here? Without sounding like a rude asshole to the queen, that was.

"Um," I started, then took another huge bite of food to buy myself time.

Jacinta let out a sigh, stroking her palm over her long black hair. "Okay, I'm sorry. This is making you uncomfortable, and that was never my intention. I just... Rafe told me how you don't have any family, and it occurred to me that maybe you have no one to talk to for advice. You know? The kind of advice a mother is meant to give her daughter. Lord willing, I won't need to have this conversation with Lucy-Liun anytime soon." She held up crossed fingers and gave me a rueful grin. "But I'm here for you... if you need me."

Shit. Her words struck me straight in the heart, and suddenly I wanted to tell her everything. Because she was right. I didn't have a mom. I didn't even have anything remotely close to a female role model in my life and a small—okay, large—part of me desperately wanted to take Jacinta up on her offer. She was the kind of mom I used to wish for. Instead, I had a woman who’d basically sold me off to the bad resistance, then walked away without a second glance.

When I didn't say anything, Jacinta reached out and poured me a coffee from the silver pot in front of her. "Here, mine is spiked with whiskey. Helps me deal with politicians first thing in the morning."

Her mischievous wink set me off laughing, until I inhaled a bit of waffle and almost died choking. When I finally recovered, it felt like I'd shifted more than just the chunk of waffle from my throat. I'd shifted something in my mind. In my reluctance to open up to people.

"It's just... it's a bit of a mess," I told her with a sigh, then took a gulp of my coffee and started coughing again. "Um, that's not spiked. It's straight whiskey."

Jacinta waved her hand dismissively. "Nonsense. There's a little coffee added for color." She grinned broadly. "Now, I assume you mean that it's a mess because of Jordy's involvement?"

My face must have drained of color. It had to have. There was no way I’d maintained a neutral expression at that comment.

"I'm not judging you, Violet," Jacinta assured me with a laugh. "In fact, I commend you for shirking the rules of expectation and going after what you want. You, my dear, are exactly the kind of leader our future needs."

My brows shot up. "Wh-what?"

"Sorry," she said with a grin. "That was off topic. So, things are complicated because you're in love with two men who are not only the crown heirs of their kingdoms, but also selfish alpha males and best friends to boot?"

I blinked a couple of times. "Um, yeah. That about sums it up." I didn't even flinch over her use of love in that sentence. It was true, after all. "Except now they've both suffered horrible treatment and pain at the hands of the bad-resistance and apparently that's all my fault because they've been grooming me to be the figurehead for their revolution and now I'm pretty sure Rafe and Jordan both hate me." It all fell out in one, long, run-on sentence. But such was the nature of emotions... they didn't adhere to grammatical rules. "And for a moment there I thought Rafe and I were going to be okay because he fucked me like he owned me last night, but then basically as soon as he was done, he just poof"—I snapped my fingers—"up and left. Now he's being a surly bastard like I kicked a puppy in front of him or something."

I stopped there, sucking in a deep breath and feeling dizzying relief at offloading all that information from my chest. But then... I cringed.

"Sorry, that was more than you needed to know," I whispered to the fucking queen of the Switzerlands as I realized I'd just said her son fucked me like he owned me.

Whoops.

Jacinta gave a small chuckle. "It's totally fine, Violet. My son is an adult; I think we can be blunt. So, I have a couple of very quick questions for clarity." I nodded, my cheeks still flaming. "First, bad-resistance? Is that what we're calling them? It seems very unoriginal."

My jaw fell open, then I started laughing. Of all the things she could have asked... that was top of the list? Yeah, that sold me. Jacinta was a total winner.

"I don't know," I laughed. "It's less confusing than calling them all Society and then needing to clarify which part we're referring to."

"Hmm," she replied, tapping her perfectly painted fingernail on her chin. "I'll think on it. I'm sure my press manager will come up with something catchy. Now, I need you to be in perfect understanding of something here, Violet." She shifted in her chair so she was facing me more directly, reached out, and took my free hand in hers. My other hand was still clutching a waffle-laden fork.

"Um, this feels serious," I muttered, trying to lighten the mood.

"It is," she replied. "I need you to understand, with total confidence, that none of those things were your fault. None of them. Not the earthquake or the capture or anything that might have happened to the three of you in the bad-resistance camp. None of it, okay?"

I opened my mouth to disagree, but her stern look shut me up quickly.

"The people in charge of the various resistance factions have been in their positions of power for a long time, Violet. Everything they do has been carefully planned out, and none of it is your fault. Just because they tried to mold you into their chess piece, doesn't make you responsible. You're a victim, just as much as those poor people who died in the earthquake."

Her eyes were locked on mine, and I couldn't have looked away if I tried. All of her words were printing onto my soul with indelible ink and chipping away at my hardened tough-girl armor more than anyone I'd ever met.

Maybe this was what it was like to have a mom who cared?

Tears welled in my eyes, and I swallowed heavily to hold them back. "You haven't seen Jordan yet. He's—"

"Not your fault." Jacinta was firm. "I know that boy probably better than I know my own son. Rafe gave him an option to get out, but he chose to stay for you. Understood? Any and all horrors he experienced, the blame lies squarely at the feet of the men and women who inflicted them."

I took a shuddering breath, but nodded. She was right, in a way. Jordan had the opportunity to escape and leave me to my fate, but he’d chosen to stay... Surely that meant he still cared for me.

"Now," Jacinta continued, her eyes narrowing with determination. "As for my son."

I cringed. "I'm sorry; that was an overshare."

She gave an annoyed click of her tongue, but I knew it was aimed at Rafe, not me. "Well, overshare or not, I raised him better than that. What kind of man walks out on his woman right after sex and makes her feel like she did something wrong? No, absolutely not okay. I'll have to have words with him about that."

My heart fucking stopped. "What? No! Oh my god, please don't."

And that was how I died. Of mortification.

"I won't tell him you told me," she assured me... like that was really reassuring. "But please tell me he at least made you come. If he got his rocks off and didn't—"

"Oh my god, Jacinta! Stop!" I shrieked, covering my face with my hands in total, all-consuming embarrassment.

She laughed a low, self-amused sound. "I told you, call me Jax. I get the feeling we're going to be family for a good long time yet." She shot me a wink when I finally peeled my hands off my bruised face. I couldn't help it; her words made me all squishy inside. I'd never experienced anything even close to the emotions she was stirring up in me.

"Now," she continued. "How are my boys handling the sharing aspect of your ménage relationship? Are they playing nice, or are they like dogs fighting over a bone?"

I reached for my coffee and took a huge sip. I loved Jacinta, I really did. But I also wanted to throw my drink at her.

"They're..." I started to say, then broke off with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, option B. I know they're both just waiting for me to choose between them, but..." I shrugged, and Jacinta gave me a knowing smile.

"But you can't because you've fallen just as hard for both of them."

"Yeah."

"I figured." She gave me a gentle smile and patted my leg. "It'll be okay, Violet. Those boys love each other more than if they were blood. They'll never put their egos above their friendship, and neither of them would ever want to see you hurting. No matter what my pigheaded son might make you think."

I groaned. "So what do I do?"

Mattie would know. She’d have it all sorted like it was as easy as… I don’t even know what. Washing my underwear or something. That easy.

Jax gave me a shrug, reaching out to top up her own coffee. "You have fun, Violet. You're eighteen and in a uniquely special position where you can just have fun. The fate of the world, the war between Monarchs and the Society? It's not your job to fix. Just take things one day at a time, and I think everything will work out in the end."