I could do this.
Pulling up to the site, I shivered as I switched the engine of my beetle off. I was frozen solid inside and out, and for a split second wondered if I could use that as an excuse not to get out of my car.
The morning was overly crisp for spring, the fog only just having lifted enough for me to tell that Elliot had not yet arrived. Maybe he's gonna pike it and abandon the garden project. Wouldn't surprise me.
I got out of the car and made my way into the garden along the newly dug out feature path that was due to be paved later in the day. It was going to look amazing, and I couldn't wait. The paved path had been one of my favourite features of the old garden because it had reminded me of the Wizard of Oz. Many times I'd been Dorothy, skipping along and singing that I was off to see a wizard, and many times Elliot had pretended to throw apples at me.
The memory knifed me in the chest, so I hurried along until I was standing next to Mum. "Good morning. Geez, it's cold."
"Good morning, sweetheart." Mum looked past me toward the road. "Elliot not with you?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Oh. Is everything okay? Did you sort out what was upsetting you last week?"
I shook my head again. "No."
She touched my shoulder. "What's going on? Helen and I are concerned. She said Elliot isn't answering her calls, instead texting her that he's busy."
"He probably is," I muttered.
Helen stepped out of the garden shed. "Good morning, dear." Her face fell when she noticed I was alone. "No Elliot?"
I shook my head. "Look, there's something I need to tell you both-"
"Oh! There he is!" she exclaimed, her face morphing into an instant smile that that just as quickly morphed back to sadness when she took in Elliot's demeanour.
"Good he's here," I continued quickly, not wanting anything to haphazardly stop me confessing like it had in the past. "You should both know that Elliot and I have decided to call off the engagement."
Both our mum's gasped and covered their mouths with their hands, Helen's eyes shooting to Elliot's and filling with tears.
"It's not really working out for the two of us. We both want different things. We-"
"But you can work through your differences together. That's what commitment is all about-"
"Don't, Mum," Elliot interrupted, his expression as cold and disappointed as his tone. "Let her finish."
"We're both just better suited as friends."
Mum was quiet, but I could see her mind screaming all kinds of unanswered questions.
"We don't want to discuss it any further. Our minds are made up. Plus, we have a garden to finish, so that's what we're going to do. Isn't that right, Lots?"
"Sure is."
Helen burst into tears and headed back into the garden shed, Mum following suit. It broke my heart and my tear bank. "I knew this would happen," I sniffed.
"Yeah, you did, which makes me wonder."
I wanted to ask him what that was supposed to mean, but I didn't. I wasn't there to fight. I didn't have the strength. All I wanted was to get the garden finished. And thank God, that wasn't far from happening.
Without so much as another look my way, he lugged some bags past me and disappeared into the glasshouse, and I set myself to work on sowing some seeds.
Elliot and I barely spoke for the weeks that followed and it gutted me, but what gutted me more was how absolutely awful he looked. Gaunt. Lifeless. The sparkling blue from his elfish eyes dim and murky grey. I hadn't seen him this distraught since his father died, and my memory of that was vague considering we'd both been five years old. Regardless, you never forgot how a person looked when their will to live had been severely damaged. It didn't matter how old you were.
"Mum, this potato salad is delicious!" I said, spooning another mouthful in. "You should make it for the garden unveil on Saturday."
"Funny you should say that because I am. You were my guinea pig." She slopped some onto her plate. "Pass me the corn?"
I laughed, shook my head and passed the dish of corn across the dinner table to her. "I'm so proud of you, you know."
"Me? Why's that?"
"Because you've once again, with Helen's help of course, created something incredible enough to honour Mr Hillier's memory."
"We didn't do it alone, dear. If it hadn't been for the contractors, and you and Elliot, and Elliot's funding and legal know how, the garden would most certainly have been demolished."