Danielle laughed. "He'll fuck himself to death?"
"Yeah. Poor little dude. Talk about dedication to the job."
She kept laughing, and the sound filled me with so much happiness that if I had fairy dust, I could've flown to fucking Neverland. It was the only sound I ever wanted to hear.
"You're evil, Danielle Cunningham. Where's your respect for the unfortunate root rat?"
"I have none. Well, not for an animal that literally screws itself over."
This time, I couldn't help but laugh. She had a point.
"Now," she said, pointing directly ahead of us. "I have respect for this giant of the animal kingdom." We stopped in front of the wooden barrier fence enclosing three uninterested giraffes. "Because they choose their mate after inciting a 'necking' war. It's hilarious."
"Actually, it's a little more involved than that."
She turned to face me, a look in her eye I couldn't quite make out- sexy and somewhat curious. "Why am I not surprised you know how giraffes mate as well?"
I shrugged and pinched one of her hot chips when she handed me the bucket to hold. "Let's just say male giraffe don't mind the odd golden shower."
Danielle nearly spat the water she'd just swigged from her bottle. "What?"
"Yep. Afraid so."
She blinked and waited for an explanation, so I elaborated for her. "The female urinates into the male's mouth, if she's fertile, he'll taste it and want to mate. She'll either be all for it or want him to prove his worth by necking other males that may want her too."
"That's gross. I'm not sure I respect them now."
"Yeah, I suppose, if you're not into that sort of thing."
"Are you?"
I drew a quick circle with my fingertip on her neck. "Don't know. Never tried it."
She glanced down at my hand, bit her lip then stole back her chips, continuing to the next exhibit. "So, how is it that you know so much about animal sex?"
"National Geographic."
"Why animals?"
"They fascinate me."
"If they fascinate you so much then why aren't you a zookeeper, like that guy." She pointed to a dude wearing a pair of khaki shorts and Blundstone boots, walking in our direction.
"Because they look like dorks."
Danielle laughed and poked a chip into my mouth. "You're a dork."
I munched it and mumbled, "Adorkable?"
"Meh." She paused then skipped toward a giant tortoise. "How do these guys procreate? Something tells me with great difficulty … and not as fast as lions." She rested her arms on the top of the fence. "I mean, that shell looks like a decent chastity belt. Maybe I should get one," she said with a wink.
"Go ahead. The shell stops nothing."
"Really?"
"Yeah, they mate just like the lions do."
"Poor lady tortoise." She crooked her head to the side, sizing one of them up. "He'd weigh a tonne."
"Not quite. Roughly two hundred kilograms."
Her eyebrow rose. "Any other tortoise facts I should know?"
"Tortoise? Not really. But, turtle? Yes. Did you know some species of turtle breathe through their arsehole?"
Danielle burst into laughter and covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes gleaming utter mischief at me. "No, I didn't know that, but I do now. That's excellent! A respiratory rectum."
"A colon cough."
She lifted her finger. "Butt burp."
"Ass of all trades."
"Stop! I can't."
Again, her laughter filled my ears and heart, and she snorted, bending over while crossing her legs. "I'm gonna pee."
"Shit!" I pretended to guard her with my body. "Watch out for those male giraffes."
"Lots! I'm serious." She snorted some more, tears finding their way onto her cheeks, and I soon found myself unable to hold back either.
A young couple pushing a pram strolled past, their curious smiles asking what the hell was so funny. I shook my head at them, as if to say I had no idea and that Danielle was a little crazy.
"Oh my God," she wailed, gasping for a breathe. "If I laugh anymore I'm gonna be sick."
"Well, at least I know you're not a horse."
"What?" her face contorted with confusion. "Besides the obvious, why not?"
"They can't vomit."
She breathed in and stood upright. "Of course they can."
"Nope. Physically impossible."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You'd never have to hold a horse's mane back. They'd be great drinking buddies."