A raw sense of pleasure rippled over me when she started to whisper my name over and over again. Her fingers dug deeper into my shoulders and I felt her movements getting stiff. Then the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen happened. She bit down on her lip, threw her head back, and moaned out a long, soul-wrenching release.
Her expression was one of shock when she looked back down at me. Her flushed skin glowed in the moonlight as she came back to herself. I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ears. I went in for another kiss, but her expression changed suddenly and she looked like she was about to be sick.
“Oh my God, what did I do?” she asked.
Panic filled her eyes and she looked down at me like she’d never seen me before.
I didn’t know what was happening. I’d never seen a girl react this way before. She struggled to get out of my arms, but something told me if I let her go, I’d never see her again. She began to cry and push against my chest.
“Snowflake? What’s wrong? You did nothing wrong.” I tried to press my words past her shield of panic.
Still, she continued to look down at me like I was a stranger trying to attack her, and still, she beat against my chest as she tried to get free. I knew I should let her go, but suddenly the idea of not seeing her again made me feel crazy. I needed her to calm down. I wanted to talk this through with her.
“Snowflake! It’s me. It’s Zeke, and I’d never do anything to hurt you. Please, stop this,” I begged.
It was a first for me. I never begged, but she was now hyperventilating and I was scared she’d overdo it and pass out. I released her so she didn’t hurt herself and she jumped off of me and slammed her body against the passenger-side door.
She scratched at the door until she finally found the handle. Cold air rushed into my car when she popped the door open and jumped out. I followed behind her, but she didn’t get far before she ran straight into the arms of her dad. There were three police officers standing behind him.
The officers stared back at me like I was a wanted rapist. Her dad stared back at me like he wanted to kill me on the spot. And Patience looked back at me like she was begging me to save her.
Sixteen
Patience
Protected. Precious. Perfect. I was all three of those things in Zeke’s arms. I’d never known love, other than the love I had for my mom and sister, but when I looked down into Zeke’s face after he kissed me, I knew I was in love with him.
I’d fallen for Zeke. He was dark and dangerous, but he was also the safest place on Earth for me. He’d somehow become home base, a place for me to go and gather my thoughts. A place where I could let go of all the bad and take in some good.
I’d never been so close to someone in my life, I’d never revealed the things about myself the way I did with him. I’d even been on the verge of telling him my dirty secrets, things that could change my life, things that could ruin my father and destroy my mother. That’s what Zeke did to me; he made me want to exhale everything.
When he kissed me, there was a bonding between us and I was sure he felt it too. He had to. It was so strong. It was as if our souls had collided and began to rebuild the other. It was powerful and it pushed me over the edge and right into him.
I thought for sure I’d never feel anything of the sort, but once he touched me with his fingers and my body experienced a release that it never had before, I knew I was transformed. He intricately placed his fingers in places that only an experienced man could and brought forth a reality that I never knew existed, a place where being touched was wonderful and fulfilling, a place overflowing with relief.
But the minute the feeling dissolved, something tragic happened and turned my beautiful moment into a nightmare. I looked down into Zeke’s face and he shyly smiled back at me. Something about the way he looked at me felt wrong. It all felt wrong, and I was waiting for the blow. What I had done was bad and punishment was sure to follow.
The logical side of me knew I was being irrational as I fought to get away from him, but the sick parts of me knew there was no good in what we’d just done. A panic I’d never experienced before swept over me and I went into a full anxiety attack. I wasn’t so much trying to get away from Zeke as I was just trying to get out of the car. I needed air. I needed to breathe and the car was too small and he was too close.
Once I was free of the car, I ran straight into the one place I never wanted to be again, the arms of my father. His eyes beat into me and his grip was so tight I was sure he’d snap my arms in half. At that point, all I wanted to do was climb back into Zeke’s car and disappear, but there was no running, especially not when I saw the police officers standing behind my dad.