The fucked up thing was, I didn’t know how to see a future for us. Yet I couldn’t see a future for me without her. I was stuck in purgatory. Story of my life.
At midnight, I decided to pack my bag for my flight the next morning. Muriel had washed and starched all of my uniforms, even though I’d told her it wasn’t necessary a million times. What I loved about the people here at Silver Shores was that they knew they needed help at times, yet they never wanted to take it for free. It made them feel good to barter things I could use in return. They were good people.
My closet was filled with crisply pressed shirts. I grabbed three and folded them into my bag. I’d lost a little weight over the last few months, so I pushed my size extra large jackets to the side and reached farther into the closet to fish out a size large that was stashed in the back.
The hanger I’d grabbed had a smaller jacket on it alright. Only it was about forty sizes too small. In my hand was the little pilot uniform that I’d found in Kendall’s closet when I’d went looking for clues in her bedroom. I’d tucked it under my shirt and taken it with me for some reason that day. After I arrived back home, it made me angry to see it every day, so eventually I pushed it in the back where I couldn’t see it. Yet I never got rid of it.
I stared at the little uniform for a long time. Visions of a little tow-haired boy wearing it as he ran circles around his mother while laughing were clear as day. The boy had bright blue eyes just like his mother. And Kendall looked more beautiful than ever. I actually closed my eyes and smiled watching the scene play out in my head.
That night, I slept like a baby. I dreamt of that little boy and his mother. It was so vivid, so real, that I was confused when I woke up. For a moment I expected them to come running into my bedroom.
But they didn’t.
Which caused a gnawing ache in my chest.
And that was all on me.
As I rushed to get ready for my flight, the little pilot’s suit was still laying on top of my dresser. I rubbed my finger over the little wings on the lapel and remembered the face of the little boy from my dream. Unpinning the little wings from the child’s jacket, I swapped it with the wings on my own uniform. They weren’t that different in appearance, yet they’d made all the difference to me.
I could see my future.
I could see my family.
I could see the woman I loved.
Now I just needed to figure out how to make things right again.
I DECIDED TO QUICKLY check on Gordon before leaving for the airport, since it would be a few days before I would be back home again.
One of the women usually came by his house late in the morning and stayed until a physical therapist showed up, but no one was likely there yet.
Knowing he could be sleeping, I was careful to open the door slowly.
“Dad?” I called out in a low voice.
There was no answer. Gordon was always a heavy snorer, so it was odd that no noise was coming from the bedroom.
He was lying flat on his back, completely still.
“Dad?”
He didn’t respond.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I repeated louder while nudging his shoulder, “Dad, it’s Brucey. Wake up.”
Placing my two fingers against his neck, I checked for a pulse.
There was none.
Lowering my head, I listened for a heartbeat that wasn’t there.
I kept my cheek on his chest and wept. He may have been my fake father, but there was nothing fake about the tears that were falling from my eyes.
A SIMPLE PHONE MESSAGE was about to change everything.
Rolling my suitcase through Logan Airport, I realized I’d missed a call from Carter. The phone must have gone off while I was driving to work with the music turned up.
I listened to the message.
“Hey, Kendall. I’m about to board my flight. I wanted to hear your voice before takeoff, but I guess that’s not gonna be possible. It’s been a very shitty morning. Um…”
There was a long pause.
“Gordon died. I found him in bed. He wasn’t breathing. He must have passed away in his sleep. He was all alone.”
My heart fell.
Oh no.
A long breath escaped him into the phone.
“He died all alone with no one holding his hand. It’s so fucking sad. No one should have to die alone.”
A tear fell down my cheek as the message continued.
“Anyway, it really brought home what matters. I miss you. I’m gonna need to hear your voice tonight to fall asleep. I’m just letting you know.”
There was a bit of silence before he said, “Shit. I have to go. I’ll call you when I land in Rio.”
Standing there frozen in the middle of the terminal, I suddenly felt like a complete fish out of water in this airport. Sweating through my uniform, I knew I couldn’t let this go on.