Play With Me: A High School Bully Romance (Diamond In The Rough Book 1)(28)

Everyone’s eyes went wide as I turned my attention back to Rae. But, try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to address the issue at hand. She shook her head side to side, then allowed Allison to turn her around. She peeked over her shoulder at me as a sadness filled her stare. Then she stopped and turned around to face me.

“Thank you for giving me the answer I needed,” she said.

I paused, then sighed. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

The cafeteria returned to its dull roar as Allison shook her head. I saw Rae’s chin trembling and it broke my fucking heart. I turned my eyes out toward the window, where some of the nerds sat on the back patio doing homework while eating their fucking lunch. I couldn't stand to look at her. I couldn't stand to look at myself.

You’re a sorry excuse for a human, Clint. Just like your father.

“You all deserve each other, you know that?”

I snickered at Rae’s voice. “Yeah, I guess so.”

And I watched as Allison physically pulled her out of the cafeteria, leaving me surrounded by a bunch of brainless, nitwitted assholes I wanted nothing more to do with.

Fuck my life.





25





Raelynn





I sat at my window as the thunder rolled. The snacks under my bed were long gone, but I wasn’t hungry anyway. Not after my encounter with Clint at school today. I placed my elbow on the windowsill, resting my chin in my hand. I saw lightning crack the sky, illuminating the world around me. Black outlines of decrepit houses came into view. The rolling green hills of the rich beyond ignited, taunting me with what I’d never have. The storm rolled in, bringing the pitter-patter of rain. I watched it come, a shower of greatness. Here to wash away the stench of our garbage-laden street.

It didn’t wash away the hurt in my heart, though.

“Fuck Clinton Clarke.”

The rain battered against my window as lightning pierced the sky overhead. The clouds hung low, pregnant with rain. They were so close I imagined I was almost able to reach up and touch them. I placed my forehead against my window, the same window I’d crawled out of that night I first slept with Clint. I closed my eyes and reminisced about how much I’d hated the fact that he’d found me. How much I’d enjoyed opening up to him. How wonderful the bike ride had been and how kind he’d been.

How gentle he was.

“Stop it,” I muttered. “You’re torturing yourself.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks with every flash of lightning. And as the thunder crashed, I let my sobs run free. All day, I’d kept them in check. Throughout history, where I felt Clint staring at me. Throughout P.E., where I saw him in the bleachers watching me from beyond his sunglasses. I dealt with the snickers and the names murmured under people’s breath as I passed by. Cleaver Beaver the Dick Eater. How quickly shit like that worked its way around the school.

I wondered if I was turning into my mother.

“Shit.”

I put my head in my hands and cried. I didn’t try to hold it back any longer. The thunder covered up my sobs and the lightning heated my tears. And as the rain battered harder against my window, it was almost like the storm was trying to wash my sins away. Wash my tears away. Cheer me up with its furious might. I was envious of the storm. How strong it was. How it could rage, and people didn’t bat an eye. If anything, they cowered away. Respecting it. Admiring it. Sitting out on the porch and watching it in a mesmerized sort of awe.

Now I know how Clint feels.

I didn't know which was worse, being invisible to the masses or being seen only for my greatest mistake. But the truth of the matter was that I still didn’t regard Clint as a mistake. I never could. What we’d shared was tremendous, even if he didn’t feel it. Even if it was faked on his end. Even if he completely fabricated his words and his actions and his emotions, I hadn’t. I didn’t. And I never would.

“That’s what makes you better than him.”

I sat up from my arms and dried my face. I sniffled until my nose was clear, then went back to watching the storm. I’d had my moment of weakness, and now it was time to press onward and forward, like nothing ever happened. It was all I had, and it was all I’d use. Because in the end, that made me better than them. They could flash their money around and ride in their expensive cars and wear their designer clothes to school. But, in the end, what made me better and stronger than them was my ability to persevere.

Whereas they broke down over a scuffed tennis shoe. Or a broken nail.

Except Clint.

I shook the thought from my head. He was like them. Just like them. He wasn’t different. He showed me that today. There was no use in crying over him. He was nothing but a cup of spilled, spoiled milk.

I hated that I’d fallen for it, though. I was angry at myself for falling for his tricks. His ruse. Not seeing through the wolfish grin long enough to latch onto his plan. His ultimate plan to destroy me. His ultimate plan to play the best trick this fucking high school had ever seen.

Fucking around with the school charity case before exposing her to be like every other girl who wanted to ride Clint Clarke’s cock.

It was genius. And simple. And I’d fallen for all of it.

I sighed. “You’re such a fool, Rae. Holy shit.”

A knock came at my door and I shot up from the windowsill. I dove back into my bed, covering myself up as I tried to make myself look presentable. The last thing I needed was my mother knowing any of this, for more shame to come down onto the people in this family. I called out for her to come in, hiding my reddened cheeks with my pillow.

When the door slowly swung open, she arched her brow at me.

“You okay in here?”

I sighed. “That obvious?”

She snickered. “I may or may not have been standing here for a few minutes now.”

“Oh.”

Mom walked into my room and closed the door behind her. She came and sat on the edge of my bed, patting my leg. I didn’t like her seeing me like this. I had to take care of her. That was how this dynamic worked. That was how it always worked with us.

But I needed my mom, too.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked.

I rolled my eyes. “Just some stupid boy at school.”

Mom sighed. “I’m familiar with those.”

I paused. “How far do you think a bully would go in order to get a rise out of someone?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I think a bully at my school has gone a little too far with some stuff.”

“Would this be the stupid boy at school?”

I scoffed. “Aren’t all stupid boys eventually bullies?”

She paused. “You have a good point.”

The two of us shared a brief moment of laughter before Mom took my hand.

“Has he hurt you, sweetheart?”

I sighed. “Not physically.”

She nodded. “Okay, good. I mean, not good with the hurt. But—”

My eyes widened. “Oh, no no no. Nothing—nothing like that. Nothing like what you’re thinking.”

“You’d tell me though? If it was?”

“I promise, everything that happened wa—”

Mom raised her eyebrows as I caught what I was about to say.

“I, uh…”

She giggled. “Sweetheart, I was much younger than eighteen when I started having sex with boys.”

“Mom.”

She smiled. “I’m not going to go into that. We had that talk when you were much younger. But let me see if I can piece this together. You fell for the school bully, had some romantic moments together, and now he wants nothing to do with you. Right?”

I paused. “Don’t tell me you’ve experienced something like that, too.”

She shrugged. “It happens sometimes. Maybe not quite like that, but it does happen. And it sucks. And I kind of want to wring his throat.”

I giggled at her words as the pillow slowly slid away from my face.

“What do I do?”

She sighed. “There’s nothing you can do. You can’t change a man. So you can’t let that man change you. Bad boys are just that. Bad. Bad for you. Bad for themselves. Bad for anyone who comes into their lives.”

I nodded slowly. “People at school will know soon enough.”

“And all you can do is stand up to them. Stand your ground and don’t let them beat you into it. High school is relentless. There isn’t a person on this planet—rich or poor—that would do it all over again. I’m here for you, no matter what. And you can talk to me about anything, okay?”

I smiled softly. “Thanks, Mom.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I guess we both have a tendency to go for the wrong men.”

I giggled. “Yeah. Fuck D.J.”

Mom laughed, covering my mouth with her hand. “Fuck D.J.”

“Did something happen?”

Her hand fell away from my face. “Isn’t something always happening with him?”

“I thought you two just made up, though?”

She shrugged. “Maybe I didn’t want to make up this time. Maybe I’m ready to let him go.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Seriously.”

I paused. “You’re done with him? I mean, for real this time?”

She nodded. “For real this time. I have to stop this cycle, Rae. I didn’t realize the damage I was doing to myself. Or to you. Or to us. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry I’ve set this kind of example for you. I’m sorry I raised you in all this. I’m so—please forgive me, honey.”