“Fuck, I wish you’d have fuckin’ come to me,” he growled.
“Casey said they had guns. Said they’d shoot you. I couldn’t go to you.”
“Okay, then, I wish you’d have fuckin’ come to me when you got back.”
“You were with another woman,” I reminded him.
“She was my cousin, Ivey, and you knew me better than that.”
“You were my first kiss,” I blurted, he blinked and his arms spasmed around me.
Then he whispered, “What?”
“You weren’t just my first lover, Gray, you were my first everything.”
That pain I saw earlier slashed through his features and his arms again spasmed but stayed tight around me.
I kept talking.
“I wasn’t experienced enough. I thought I wasn’t…” I shook my head. “I was a pool hustler virgin who you’d given her first kiss at age twenty-two. You were too good for me, I knew it and I figured you figured it out too so you moved onto better.”
“Baby, fuck,” he hissed on a near snarl, his eyes narrowing and his arms going super tight. “there was nothin’ better than you.”
And right then, yes again, I lost it.
Six words that held the impact of a nuclear bomb disintegrating years of work building a wall to protect my heart. All of that gone, demolished, rubble at…six…words.
There was nothin’ better than you.
But I didn’t lose my temper or lose my mind or blurt my beloved friend’s secrets.
I lost hold on my emotions. Tears sliding from my eyes, body wracked with sobs, I fell face first into his shoulder and just cried.
Gray gently pulled the towel from my grasp, got up from the bathroom floor and took me with him. Then he moved us out of the bathroom as a whole. Then we were down on the bed, Gray’s back to the headboard, me held close, his arms tight, his knees cocked, cocooning me in all things Gray.
All things Gray.
I wanted to glory in this. I wanted to burn it in my brain so I’d have it forever. But I didn’t have it in me. All I did for a long time was just cry.
Shit. Just like always.
All these years, years of tears and Grayson Cody never leaked out of me.
Still crying, suddenly I felt his body tense then we were up. He held me close with one arm around my back but carefully dropped the arm behind my knees. My sandals hit floor but he held me tight to him, his body still tense and I would know why when I heard, “What the fuck?”
Lash.
My face, still stuffed in Gray’s chest, turned and I saw Lash.
The problem with that was Lash saw me.
And he lost his mind.
Quickly advancing, he whispered menacingly, “What the fuck?”
“Calm, man,” Gray warned, his arm coming up, held straight, palm down, a caution at the same time a placating gesture.
“You did it to her again. She used up every fuckin’ penny in her savings account to cover your ass and here you are and here she is, a fuckin’ mess again because of you,” Lash shot back and as he spoke, Gray’s body got tighter and tighter.
“Lash –” I whispered, shifting to go to him but Gray’s arm locked tight.
“Calm down and I’ll explain,” Gray ordered.
“Fuck that, let her go and get the fuck outta here and for fuck’s sake, if you ever gave even one, little, microscopic shit about her, stay out of her life,” Lash returned.
“It is not what you think,” Gray told him.
“It’s exactly what I think, asshole. You did not pick up the pieces. You probably enjoy your birthday when every year that fucker comes around, she locks her shit down so tight so it doesn’t come flyin’ apart it’s a wonder she can move. You do not take her back day and night, keepin’ the wolves at bay so she won’t get a wild hair up her ass, let one of ‘em in, give so much of her heart there’s nothin’ left so they can destroy her again. Do not fuckin’ stand there with her in your arms, her face red and wet and tell me I don’t know what this is. I know what this is, motherfucker, and I know you need to get out.”
“I thought she was yours,” Gray lied quietly, for Lash, for me and I felt something warm glide through me, shocking my system as it drifted through a cold I thought would never go away.
But Lash’s head jerked, realizing what he gave away before he covered.
“Rue’s not anyone’s. She’s Rue’s.”
Gray let it slide and told him, “Somehow, we got played.”
“What?” Lash clipped.
“Somehow…we got played,” Gray repeated with an added hesitation and some emphasis.
Lash crossed his arms on his wide chest. “What the fuck does that mean?”