“Not a problem, Janie, just as long as he doesn’t come back. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s, I think…” another pause then, “it was really nice how you wanted to step up for Gray but he talked to me and he was kind of…” again a pause then, “not happy.”
I bet.
She kept going.
“So, he’s going to do his thing and we need to stay out of it. But, again, it was really nice of you to want to kick in.”
So Gray was going to go forth and lose his land, lose everything.
Men.
Stupid.
I tried not to let that hurt but when I failed I tried to pretend it didn’t hurt.
I was better at that.
“Right, well, I hope he works it out,” I told her.
“No chance of that,” she muttered.
I didn’t want to, I really didn’t want to…
But I did.
And what I did was ask, “Sorry?”
“Movin’ Mirry out next month, Ivey. Gray can’t afford the home anymore. They’re puttin’ her in some state funded place. Never been there but I got a coupla customers had people in there. They say it isn’t all that nice. For her, seein’ as she’s in a wheelchair, they reckon it’ll be worse. Guess it’s not super clean and the staff isn’t all that attentive.”
Shot to the heart, I stood still and steady but I was reeling.
Janie wasn’t done.
“Gray’s beside himself but what can he do? He can’t pay the bills. Got buyers comin’ in from everywhere, sellin’ all his horses. Every last one. Tryin’ to raise money to pay on the note. First time in over a hundred years that ranch won’t have mustangs on it. Town is reeling. You wouldn’t think it would be a big deal but it is. Old-timers sayin’ it’s the end of an era. And even me, only lived here half my life, still, I feel it. It’s a loss.”
Another direct hit, I felt myself going down.
She didn’t stop.
“And that fuckin’ family of his, won’t even take care of their Momma. It’s crazy. No one gets it. Leavin’ Gray to be picked over by the buzzards, that’s already totally uncool but leavin’ their Momma to go to that place?”
She stopped abruptly and went silent.
I hit the dirt, lifeblood oozing out of me.
“I’m sorry, Ivey,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t lay this on you. Sorry. Gray was seriously pi…” she stopped again and then continued, “I guess, thinkin’ on it for a spell, you had your reasons to pick up and go without explanations to even Gray. And, thinkin’ on it, you were a good gal. And I’m glad you found your place where you can be happy. I guess I just wish that was with Gray so he could be happy.”
More blood sinking into the earth.
I needed to fight it.
“I left him a note,” I whispered.
“What?”
“I left him a note, Janie. I don’t know what he told you and I know Gray is a good guy and you care about him so I don’t want to color how you feel about him but he isn’t giving you the full story. He knew exactly why I left, what I was doing and that I intended to come back as soon as I could. Why he didn’t share that with you, I don’t know. I guess he had his reasons and years have passed so it doesn’t matter now.”
“You didn’t leave a note,” she told me.
“Janie, I did.”
“Where?”
“In my room,” I paused, “your room, whatever.”
“Ivey, I went up there with Gray and there was no –”
Seriously? Why were we going over this?
I shouldn’t have said anything.
“Right, Janie, I’m sorry,” I cut her off. “But my man’s mother is here and I can’t talk. I’m sorry all this is happening to Gray, what you’re feeling, what the town’s feeling. It’s awful. But you’ll all get through it. I know you will.”
“Ivey –” she started but I kept talking.
“You take care and be well. Bye.”
Then I beeped the phone off.
Then I stared at it.
It rang again but I didn’t answer it.
When I didn’t, Lash shouted, “Babe? You gonna get that?”
“No, letting it ring,” I called back. “Tell you later,” I finished.
Nothing from Lash.
The phone stopped ringing.
Then it started again.
I didn’t answer and Lash didn’t shout.
It stopped ringing and didn’t start again.
I kept staring at it.
But I didn’t see it.
The only thing on my mind was the only woman who was even close to a mother to me even if it was just for a blink of my life was going into a shoddy, state-funded nursing home that wasn’t very clean and didn’t have good staff. And the only man I ever loved was losing everything he had, everything he loved, everything his family had built for six generations. And the only town that ever felt like home was losing a huge piece of its history.