I felt less certain now than ever that being with Devon was a good idea, let alone living with him in Malibu. Maybe there would be some way I could try to convince him to leave me in Dallas and get on with his glamorous life.
But when the wheels touched down and we climbed in a sedan Devon commandeered from a chauffeur, everything came rushing back to me. I was grateful that someone was with me to face down this monumental task, and even more thankful that it was someone I knew cared about me.
I had to face Nana’s death all over again when we pulled open the door of the house, her perfume still lingering on soft surfaces and blankets.
“It feels like we were all just here, setting up the Blu-ray player,” Devon remarked, his voice hushed, as if we were in a tomb or something.
“We can probably still return it—and the movies,” I said.
“I really don’t care about the money, June,” he said, sounding offended. “Even if I knew what was going to happen ahead of time, I would’ve still bought it for Nana. You saw how happy it made her.”
My shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying. I can’t—I’m really glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t have been able to do this alone.”
Devon pulled me into a rough hug and planted several kisses on the top of my head.
“I’m just happy I can be here to try and help,” he said.
And help he did—from coordinating with his lawyer to helping find a realtor to carrying boxes out to the car to donate to the nearest shelter. It pained me to part with Nana’s things, but I knew she would’ve wanted them to go toward helping someone who really needed it. It would’ve been selfish to keep all her things in storage, just so I could wallow in material comfort.
The one thing I did keep was her perfume. If I couldn’t have those fragranced cardigans and blankets, I could, at least, have the fragrance. I put a dot of it behind each of my ears, having watched Nana do the exact same thing for years. I looked up to catch Devon watching me and smiling.
“You’re going to be okay,” he said. “You know that, right?”
In Hawaii, on that beach where we poured out her ashes, I hadn’t been so sure. But with the last piece of furniture moved out and the for-sale sign hammered into the front lawn, I had a sense of hope that was quickly overpowering my sense of melancholy. Maybe it was a resigned hope, a realization that I couldn’t be sad about Nana forever and that things would have to start getting better eventually, but I’d take it.
“This place is going to make someone really happy,” I said as we locked the front door for the last time. “Maybe a young family is going to get their start here. I hope their time inside is as happy as mine was.”
Devon kissed me, his lips soft against mine. “Don’t you see now?” he asked gently. “Why I think you’re so amazing?”
“Because I’m barely holding it together?” I asked, blinking back tears. “It’s hard to let this old place go.”
“Because you’re so loving,” he said, stroking my cheek with his thumb, catching one teardrop before it could traverse the length of my face. “Because you loved Nana so much that you sacrificed being happy to make sure she was.”
I looked at him sharply. “I didn’t…how did you…”
“Nana told me herself,” Devon said. “She told me that there wasn’t a finer young woman in the world than you, and that she’d fight anyone who said different.”
I shook my head, dumbfounded. “I can’t believe she told you that.” Nana had always been frustrated most by her own weakness, her own failing health, because I was the one who had to shoulder the majority of the burden. I’d given up a full-time job, even with a degree, so I could give her care whenever she needed it. She hated it, but I wouldn’t have dreamed of locking her away in some home. Nana had taken me in to her life when I was most vulnerable. The least I could do was to repay the favor when the opportunity had presented itself.
She’d told Devon her deepest frustrations, which went to show just how highly she regarded him. The night before she’d made the decision to die, she’d told me I shouldn't be so hard on him. Maybe I should’ve listened to her.
“June, I don’t know if this is the time or place—hell, I don’t know if there ever is a good time or place for this sort of thing.” Devon shuffled around, looking cutely awkward, seeming to struggle to come up with the right words. “I think…I think I’m falling in love with you.”
He was right—there probably wasn’t a good time for a shocking revelation like that one.