“No, just thinking.”
“Have you eaten?”
“Not since this morning. But I don’t want any mac and cheese.”
“Look who’s a comedian now,” I say as I try not to think of the surprise I hid for her in the cupboard. “You want to go out to eat or do you want me to order a pizza?”
“Order a pizza and we can eat in bed.”
The pizza arrives forty minutes later; forty minutes we spend catching up on what’s happened in our lives over the past four weeks. I tell her about the conversation I had with my dad when I quit. Then I tell her about the competition, but I leave out the fact that I qualified for the competition in Australia. She tells me about a meeting she had with her professor. Then she gets really quiet when she tells me what happened when she and Chris were invited to go see Abigail in the hospital.
We finish our pizza in silence, both of us scarfing down three slices.
“I’ve never seen you eat like that,” I remark.
She tosses her crust into the pizza box on the bed, but when she looks up at me she’s serious again.
I have an awful feeling there’s something she’s not telling me, and my gut tells me it probably has to do with Chris. But I don’t want to jump to conclusions or accuse her of anything she hasn’t done.
“What’s bothering you? I can tell something’s bothering you.”
She looks up at me with the guiltiest look in her eyes. I don’t have to hear a word to know what she’s going to say.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Claire
I CAN TELL BY THE way Adam’s nostrils are flaring that he already knows what I’m going to confess.
“Oh, God,” I whisper as I attempt to gather the courage to say the words he both deserves and doesn’t deserve to hear.
He shakes his head slightly. “No fucking way.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“No, don’t say that.” I reach for him and he instantly backs away then rises from the bed. “Please don’t fucking say that.”
“I am. I’m so fucking sorry. I was just so hurt. I thought it was over.”
He clutches chunks of his hair as he takes deep breaths in a vain attempt to calm himself. He’s about to explode and I know my heart is going to absorb the full impact of the blast.
“Please just sit down so we can talk.”
He keeps shaking his head. “I can’t fucking believe this. This is what happened in my worst fucking nightmare, but I never expected it to come true.”
I scramble off the bed and he steps away from me. “Adam, please just listen to me. You were gone. I… I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I thought I didn’t fit into your life and you were just tired of dealing with me.”
I grab the front of his shirt and he closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at me.
“Please look at me.”
He shakes his head and I can see the anguish in his face, even with his eyes closed. “I can’t.”
I take his face in my hands and he finally opens his eyes, but he looks at the ceiling. “Adam. I am begging you to look at me.”
He takes a deep breath through his nose before he finally looks me in the eye. “I asked you to wait for me.”
“That’s not what you said. You said you didn’t expect me to wait for you.”
He shakes his head again with sheer disappointment. “It was four weeks. Just four fucking weeks.”
My hands drop to my sides as the tears fall down my face. This is it. I can feel it. I squat down on the floor as I try to catch my breath.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
I have to get out of here. I know he doesn’t want me here anymore, but I feel like I might pass out again if I stand up.
“I thought I’d understand if this happened,” he says, and his voice is so thick with emotion it makes my entire body ache. “Maybe I just need to be alone for a while.”
“No,” I whisper as I place my hand on the edge of the mattress to try to pull myself up.
I’m overcome with a hot dizziness and I lean on the bed to steady myself as I try to draw in deep breaths.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as he reaches for my arm to help me.
“I’m fine,” I say, pushing his hand away. “I’ll let you be alone.
I push myself off the bed and take another deep breath. He doesn’t look at me as I move around him to leave the bedroom.
Right when I reach the bedroom door, he speaks. “You didn’t come here while I was gone.”
I stop in the doorway as I try to figure out what he means by this. “What are you talking about?”
I turn around and I want to die when I see the look on his face. He finally looks more hurt than angry.