Pieces of You(67)

“I know what you need.” He keeps rubbing my ring finger between his thumb and forefinger and it’s making me nervous. “It’s the same thing you’ve always needed since the day we met. You need your home.”

I swallow hard as I try not to let him see how relieved I am that he didn’t do something crazy like proposing to me in Angie’s Restaurant. A year ago, I would have loved for Chris to propose to me over a casual breakfast. I was deep in the throes of self-pity over the breakup and I wanted nothing more than for him to walk through my door and tell me he couldn’t live another day without me. Now, the thought of Chris proposing to me actually fills me with panic.

“I have a home. I live with Senia.”

“Yeah, but how about the holidays and the summer. You’re coming home, aren’t you?”

I pull my hand out of his and he narrows his eyes at me. “I promised your mom I would be there for Christmas. I’m not going to break my promise.” He shakes his head then stares out the window. “Why are you shaking your head? You can’t expect me to commit to spending every holiday at home. You’re really putting me on the spot here.”

He sighs before he turns back to me and looks me in the eye. “You want everything Claire. And to me you are everything. Do you have any fucking idea what that feels like?”

“Are you trying to make me feel guilty for being confused?”

“Did you not hear what I just said? This is it for me. I may have possibly blown my record deal and even my career to be here with you. I know you didn’t ask me to do it and I’m not asking you to drop everything for me, but can you at least pretend to care?”

“I do care. I—”

Priscilla arrives with our plates of food, one of her eyebrows raised, as she is keenly aware she has interrupted a heated discussion. She sets our plates down and leaves without asking if we need anything else.

We eat in silence, though both of us seem to have lost our appetites. When we make it back to my car, he grabs my hand before I can turn the key in the ignition. I close my eyes as I wait for him to speak.

“Can you look at me?” I open my eyes and turn to him as he releases my hand. “I need to tell you something I probably should have told you a few weeks ago.”

“What?”

He looks down at the console between us for a moment and I recognize that expression of guilt. “After I saw Abigail, I wasn’t in my right mind. I didn’t sleep that whole night.”

I think back to that day and remember how I lay awake the entire night cursing myself for running out of the hospital instead of holding it together for just a few more minutes.

“I didn’t sleep either.”

“Yeah, but I did something.”

“What did you do?” I ask carefully.

“I checked out of the hospital early and called Tristan to pick me up.”

He doesn’t have to say anything else. I already know where this conversation is leading.

“You fucked someone?”

He winces at these words. “Not technically. Tristan took me home and some girls came over. I was fucked up on pain pills and one of them gave me a blowjob.”

I was with Adam when this happened so I technically shouldn’t care, but I’m furious.

“Is that how you deal with stuff now? By getting fucked up?”

“No, it’s not, but you were with… him and you weren’t answering my calls. I knew that it could possibly be the last time I ever see my daughter again and you didn’t even get to share that moment with me. I was fucked up even without the pain pills.”

“Why can’t you say his name?”

“I don’t want to say his name.”

I turn the key in the ignition and try not to think the obvious. Chris is the love of my life, but he’s still not ready to grow up.

“Are you mad?” he asks as I pull out of the parking lot.

“Of course, I’m angry. Don’t act like I have no right to be angry either because that will only make me more angry.” I shake my head as I change lanes so I can head for the highway entrance. “No one knows how to love me like you and no one knows how to hurt me like you.”

He’s quiet the whole drive home. I park next to the curb instead of in the driveway because I don’t know if I can go in right now. We sit in silence for a while before he turns to me.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, but I’m not sorry for being honest with you. You deserve nothing less.” He kisses my cheek then reaches into the back seat to grab his crutches. “You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to, but I know my mom would love it if you did. I’d love it, too.”