Pieces of You(58)
“It can wait,” I say as I nod toward the bed. “Sit down so we can talk.”
“I don’t need to talk.”
“Don’t pull that on me, Claire.” I rest my crutches against the dresser and sit down on the edge of the bed as I pat the mattress. “Talk to me.”
She sits next to me, but she stares straight ahead at the mirror above the dresser. “I can’t talk to you about this.”
I don’t want to hear about her problems with Adam. I think I’d rather break my leg again than talk about this with her, but I’m nothing if not a complete fool when it comes to Claire.
“You can talk to me about anything, babe.”
She glances at me and I nod to encourage her. “He left for Hawaii four weeks ago and everything just fell apart. He said we should take a break so we don’t hate each other by the time he gets back.”
“So you two are getting back together when he gets back?”
“I don’t know.”
She looks miserable. This is not how you treat someone you supposedly love. This guy is a fucking idiot.
“Do you want to get back together with him when he gets back?”
She sighs again as she stares at the carpet. “I don’t know. I….” She looks at me then shakes her head. “I can’t talk about this with you. This is too awkward.”
“Awkward?”
She smiles. “Yes. It’s very awkward.”
“You know what’s awkward? You sitting there talking to me about your breakup while wearing that shirt. I think you should take it off and this would get a whole lot less awkward.”
She presses her lips together to suppress her smile. “Really, Chris? You’re talking to me like that at a time like this?”
I can sit here and argue with her and make little cute comments back and forth or I can do something.
I reach across and trace my finger lightly over the side of her cheek. She only flinches a little, but I can see her body tense.
“I’m sorry, but I’ve been dying to touch you since we broke up.” She leans forward and hides her face in her hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She shakes her head as she takes a moment to compose herself. Finally, she pulls her hands away from her face and wipes a few tears away.
“Claire, I love you and I just want you to be happy.”
She looks at me, her eyes are rimmed red, and it’s as if she’s seeing me for the first time. “How can you still love me after everything I’ve done to you?”
“How can I not? You’re the fucking love of my life. You don’t stop loving someone just because they’ve hurt you. Yes, what you did hurt me, but I gain nothing if I stay angry with you. But I might gain everything by forgiving you. You’re my everything. I just want you back.”
She gazes into my eyes and before I can change my mind I take her face in my hands and kiss her.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Claire
HE TASTES MINTY AND I recognize the flavor of his brand of toothpaste—the toothpaste I had to stop using last year because it reminded me too much of him. I want to push him away. I don’t want to kiss Chris. But my curiosity gets the best of me.
Not counting the kiss that didn’t really happen two months ago, this is our first kiss in over a year. How can we still be so in sync? I can anticipate the movement and pressure of his lips, every graze of his tongue, and I respond exactly the way he wants me to. No one can kiss me the way Chris does.
This thought makes me sick and I instantly push him away. “Stop.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you to.”
He looks as though he can’t decide whether he should be pissed or understanding. “You felt that. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel that.”
“Please don’t do this,” I say as I stand. “I came to talk to your mom.”
“Go ahead and walk away. You’re still mine, Claire, whether or not you admit it to yourself.”
I want to tell him to fuck off, but I can’t turn off the nagging voice inside my head telling me he’s right. Why else would that kiss have felt so good?
I leave his room, still attempting to make sense of this. I’m just feeling lonely. I miss Adam. Of course, I wanted to be kissed. And who better to do it than Chris? Someone who’s kissed me a million times. Someone who knows exactly what I want. But that’s all it was, just a kiss. We are not in love anymore. I love Adam.
Even if he did break his promise to never hurt me.
This is not exactly what I wanted to happen when I showed up here. I should never have worn this stupid shirt Senia bought me. I glance down at my chest at the gray T-shirt with a black silhouette of Chris playing the guitar and the letters CK behind the silhouette. I thought it would be kind of funny, but apparently I gave Chris the wrong idea. I should never have told him that Adam and I broke up.