Pieces of You(25)

What a joke.

Xander, my manager, set up the show we played last night in D.C. as part of this surprise tour we’ve been on for the past five weeks and I’m starting to get really fucking annoyed. Last night’s show on the mall was insane and way more packed than I expected. I don’t remember how or when I got back to the hotel room, but I do remember feeling like my life, not just my vision, was spinning out of control.

I stand up and make my way to the restroom, but Jake calls my name before I make it there.

“What?” I call back.

“I have to go first. I’m gonna puke.”

He tumbles off the bed and rushes past me into the bathroom. I barely catch a glimpse of his dark scruffy hair and man-beard before he slams the door closed behind him. The door doesn’t do a good job of drowning out the sounds of his retching.

“God, what a fuckin’ lightweight.” Rachel’s voice is raspy. She’s probably parched as hell from whatever the fuck we did last night.

I haven’t lost time from too much alcohol in a long time. It’s a scary feeling, not knowing what—or who—you did the night before. It appears as if I didn’t do anything or anyone I’d regret, but I have enough regrets accumulated from all the things I have and haven’t done this past year. Waking up next to Tristan today can’t erase all the shit that’s happened since I left Claire.

I take a seat at the desk in the hotel room and grab the pen and pad of paper bearing the hotel logo. It’s a habit. Anytime I see a pen and paper I have to write something, lyrics or notes, or nonsense. I write what comes to mind and I’ve come up with the beginnings of some good songs that way. I pull the cap off the pen with my teeth, press the pen to the paper, and write.





Dear Claire,



Remember the time you caught me changing in my bedroom before we got together? Remember that embarrassment? That longing? I feel it every fucking day. Leaving you was the stupidest mistake I’ve ever made.





I tear the sheet of paper off the pad and I’m about to crumple it up when Rachel snatches it out of my hand.

“Don’t fuck with me right now. I’ve got the mother of all hangovers.”

She ignores me as she reads the note to herself then hands it back to me. “You’re an idiot. You can write a fucking song and a note, but you can’t actually do anything.”

“Of course I can’t do anything. She has a fucking boyfriend.”

“Do you expect her to just magically want to get back together with you? Earth to Chris, girls want to be pursued. Playing hard to get only works in new relationships. You’ve known Claire too long for those games to work on her.”

I roll my eyes as I lean back in the desk chair. “You don’t understand. Claire thinks she’s in love with this guy. If I try to, as you say, pursue her, she’ll think I’m trying to fuck things up for her.”

Rachel shakes her head as she leans against the dresser and pulls her hair up into a ponytail. “You’re right. I don’t fucking understand. How could she throw that away? You guys were perfect for each other. Give me her new number and I’ll talk some sense into her.”

“Hell no. I don’t need you fucking things up any more.”

“Hey, she used to be my friend. Don’t be selfish. Give me her fucking number.”

Jake finally comes out of the bathroom and I can smell the vomit on him as he passes between Rachel and me on his way to the bed. Rachel scrunches up her face in disgust and I wait for her to make a snide comment.

“Ever heard of toothpaste?” she says as Jake pulls the comforter over himself.

“I’ve got your toothpaste right here,” he mutters, and I’m positive he’s grabbing his dick under the covers.

Rachel rolls her eyes then turns back to me. She’s not going to let this go.

“Give me her number. I want to take her to lunch when we get back.”

“I’m not giving you her number. If she wanted you to have her number she would have told me to give it to you.”

“Whatever, Chris. I’m going to look her up in the directory and you’re going to be kissing my feet when she comes crawling back to you.”

I crumple up the note before I toss it into the waste bin. “She’s changed.”

“You’ve both changed,” she says as she walks toward the bathroom door. “But I’ll bet you Jake’s drum set that she’s just waiting for you to make your move. Trust me when I say that Claire worshipped you.”

I sigh as I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. “Well, she’s really fucking pissed at me right now. Besides, she just wants to move on. I have to let her do that or I won’t be able to forgive myself if I mess things up for her again.”