Pieces of You(19)

“Why? Why do you have to leave?”

“Because sometimes you have to suffer without the things you want now so you can have everything you need later.”

I brush the tears from her face with my thumbs and she closes her eyes as she leans into my hand. This is too fucking hard.

We spend two hours lying in bed, talking and studying each other like curious animals, exploring every curve and crevice and savoring every blissful sensation. The whole time, the unspoken question of whether we can make it through this is heavy between us, like an invisible shield separating us, protecting us from getting close enough to get hurt. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my last day with Claire and it’s also not at all how I wanted to spend it.

We stand just inside the door of her dorm as I get ready to leave. Her arms are wrapped around my waist and I stroke her hair as we gaze at each other in silence. The ache in my chest turns into a throbbing dread that something is going to happen with Chris while I’m gone. I trust Claire, but I don’t trust him for a second.

“I love you, Claire. I want you to know that I won’t do anything to jeopardize what we have. And I trust you, but I also want you to know that if anything does happen while I’m gone, I won’t hesitate to hop on a plane and come back here to fight for what’s mine. I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me. You’re still my favorite olive.”

I smile for the first time in hours and I know there’s only one thing left to do.

“Knock, knock.”

She rolls her eyes. “Who’s there?”

“Sherwood.”

“Sherwood, who?”

“Sherwood like to stay, but I have to get going now.”

She shakes her head. “I love you so much.”

I wrap my arms around her waist and lift her off the ground to give her one last kiss. I trace my tongue over her top lip then take her bottom lip into my mouth and suck gently. She moans and just the sound makes me want to take her back to bed so I pull my head back before we get carried away.

“I’ll try to stop by next Friday on the way to the airport, but just in case I can’t, I want you to know that you are all I’ll be thinking about when I’m on that plane. And every day that I’m away from you will be worse than the day before. But I will come back and everything will fall into place. That’s my promise to you.” I kiss her forehead before I set her down on the floor. “You have my whole heart.”

“Are you going straight to the office now?”

“I have to make a stop in Raleigh to meet Yuri. He’s bringing my trophy. I’d ask you to come, but I won’t be able to bring you back.”

She squints her eyes as she contemplates this. “Can I come? I can take my car.”

I stare at her for a moment before I answer. “Nothing would make me happier. You’re gonna love Yuri. His jokes are even better than mine.”

“That’s not saying much,” she says as she moves to the closet and yanks some jeans and a T-shirt off the hangers.

“Hey, you love my jokes. I see how you look at me with those googly eyes every time I deliver a punch line.”

“You’re right. I love you because of your sad jokes, not in spite of them.”

I sneak up behind her as she slides her feet into some flip-flops and wrap my arms around her waist. “I promise I’ll text you plenty of sad jokes when I’m in Hawaii, like this one. Why did Adam accept the apple from Eve?’”

She spins around in my arms so she’s facing me. “Why?”

“Because he couldn’t eat her cherry.”

Her top lip curls up in disgust. “So terrible and now I feel bad for Adam and Eve.”

“Don’t feel bad. Adam eventually found Steve and they lived happily ever after.”

“That’s much better. Gotta have the happily ever after.”

I kiss the corner of her mouth then grab her hand to leave. I don’t say what’s on my mind. She doesn’t need to know how much I doubt that we’ll get our happily ever after.





Chapter Ten





Claire




THE DRIVE TO RALEIGH IS nerve wracking. Four weeks ago, I would have pulled over to the side of the road and meditated for a while to calm my nerves, but I’m trying to limit the meditation to once in the morning and once at night. I’m not a fucking monk. I need to get a grip on my life without having to check out every few minutes at the first sign of emotional turmoil. It’s not as if I think meditation is unhealthy, but it was most certainly unhealthy the way I used it to block out the world. If Adam can quit smoking pot cold turkey, I can limit my meditation fix to twice a day. I have to learn to be present, to feel the emotions instead of stuffing them down beneath a veneer of false serenity.