He frowns as he studies me.
I nod like I understand, and feel relief and disappointment at the same time. Mika isn’t here, which means she can’t turn me away.
“I think I can call Milton’s wife. She’ll have Mika’s number.”
Mika is successful somewhere and living out her dream. She might be married for fuck’s sake. The thought makes me sick.
I’m just the summer fling she had. I have a couple thousand in the bank and nothing to offer her. There’s no way I’d ever fit into her New York life.
“Thanks, but… I think I have what I need,” I tell him quietly.
He looks like he wants to say more, but doesn’t. I turn around and leave, opening up the rickety door to my dad’s old truck. It was stupid to ever come here.
“What’re you doing?” Blake asks as he walks into my house like he owns the place.
“Looking for my damn belt,” I grumble. That bastard loves hiding from me.
He glances around at the chair that has been flipped upside down and the shit haphazardly scattered across my living room. His eyes land on the coffee table where pictures are lying around. I shouldn’t have broken that box out. I should have burned that shit a long time ago.
“Ah hell. Is this… Is this you and her?” he asks, picking up a picture that has summer at 15 written on it. “Aw. You’re so cute with your skinny body and inkless skin.”
“Fuck you,” I grumble.
He sits down on the sofa, rifling through the pictures.
“Fucking nosy bastard. Get out of that.”
He flips me off and ignores me as he continues to flip through the pictures, and I lower myself to the other end of the sofa. When his eyebrows go down in confusion, I cock my head to the side.
“What?” I prompt.
“She… I think I know where I’ve seen her now. Shit, she’s really changed.”
“Yeah. Curves now instead of a stick figure. Tell me about it. I’m trying to remember why we won’t work out,” I mumble.
He hisses out a breath as his eyes widen, and he looks at me as he pales.
“What?” I bark.
“Fuck, dude. This is the sick chick.”
“Sick chick? What the hell does that mean?”
That conversation with Whit slams into my mind, but Mika swore she was okay.
“That first spring I lived out here, back when you had those parties all the time.”
“Yeah? What about them?”
“Well, one night this chick was just staring ahead, and she looked like she was on the verge of passing out. I bet I tried asking her if she was okay like ten times, but it was like she didn’t hear me until I got right in front of her. She blinked over and over, and then stumbled back. I don’t remember everything, but I remember she doubled over and puked like she was drunk as fuck.”
My throat gets tight, and my jaw tenses while I stare at him. He studies another picture and groans.
“Shit, dude. This is definitely her.”
“That can’t be right,” I say while shaking my head. “She didn’t come back after that last summer.”
“I know it was her, man. I barely touched her arm and she practically screamed. She was wild-eyed and panicked, but I thought she was just high or drunk. The second I let her go, she sprinted like a banshee across the yard, and I slipped and fell when I took off after her. By the time I caught up, she’d already locked her car door and was barreling out in reverse.”
“Why the fuck would she show up and leave like that?” I ask, not understanding any of this. He has to have her confused with someone else.
He closes his eyes for a second before blowing out a breath.
“She was staring… I just assumed she was staring at nothing at the time. Now… now I realize she wasn’t. She was staring at you. Think of what you used to do at those parties.”
I try to think back, and the second I do, my stomach plummets. I had a girl at every party, trying to replace Mika with anyone I could get my hands on, and always coming up short. She fucking saw me with someone.
“Please tell me I wasn’t fucking someone.”
“Nah, man. Not that night. At least I don’t think so. Fuck, I don’t know. It’s been years ago. I just remember her eyes, because I’ve never seen someone that freaked out.”
“Fuck!” Jerking to my feet, I forgo finding the stupid belt and grab my keys.
“Where are you going?”
“To apologize. No wonder she fucking hates me.” I run my hand through my hair, trying to get the thought of her seeing me with someone else out of my head.
That would have fucking slayed me back then if it had been the other way around. I didn’t even have the balls to find out if she was with someone the one time I talked myself into driving out to her dad’s ranch.
“Pretty sure she would hate you even if she hadn’t seen it. You did end things without ending them,” he retorts.
Ignoring him, I sling my door open, rush to my truck, and drive like a maniac to the bowling alley. When I pull up, it’s packed, but I don’t see her car. I go in anyway.
Whit is standing behind the counter when I walk up, and she freezes when she sees me.
“Hey, where’s Mika?”
Her lips draw down in a frown. “And here I was thinking you came by to see me. How stupid I am.”
She does remember she fucked Aidan, right?
“Is Mika here or not?”
She rolls her eyes. “She’s not here. She’s never here. I think Chuck said he saw her step in this morning and leave immediately after. Which is weird. Why are you looking for her?”
Instead of answering, I turn to head back toward the doors. Just as I reach them, Whit is wedging her small body between me and the exit.
“Aidan called me today.”
Is she really trying to make me jealous when she knows I don’t get jealous? At least not over her. Fucking eh.
“Good for you.”
She groans while staying in my way, and I consider picking her up and moving her.
“That wasn’t a barb. Anyway, he said to make sure you didn’t go near his sister while he was gone. He also asked me to make sure she got out of the house every three days. Not to let her go over that amount of time inside, as though it was a life or death sort of deal. He’s stuck in some city on a job and can’t get back any time soon. When I asked him why such a specific timeframe, he asked me not to ask questions. He said he’d owe me one. What’s the deal?”
That just confuses the hell out of me. Every three days?
“I don’t know, Whit,” I say with a shrug, sidestepping her, but she moves just in time to block me again.
“Look, I like her, but there’s something weird going on. And whatever it is, she doesn’t need you adding to it. You fucked with my head, but I was tough enough to take it. Mika… Mika seems fragile. Maybe Aidan’s right about you staying away.”
“Or maybe you’re suddenly jealous, since you fucked her brother and now you regret it,” I growl.
She shrinks back, dusting her hair away from her face. “Yeah, I do regret it. But not because I want you back. You didn’t want me like you want her. And I am jealous, because that’s the kind of passion I always wanted to feel from you but only got the watered down version instead. But I care about Mika. She’s been really good to me.”
My head tips back as guilt hits me from all angles. Everyone has always said I was worthless, that I’d end up just like my parents. That I’d be the town drunk or piece of shit whore. My momma was the slut everyone paid for a quick blowjob, and I got to see all those sick fucks laughing at me after I’d caught them in the act more times than I could count.
My father was constantly in a cell where he’d been thrown to sober up after starting a drunken fight. He was also constantly fucking anything with a pulse. Sometimes he was even fucking someone in the next room while my mother sucked off some piece of shit for twenty bucks.
Here I am, slowly making a mess of my life with one shitty decision after another. I’ve proven the judgmental bastards of this town right more than I’ve proven them wrong. Dragging Mika down with me isn’t an option. But letting Mika think I didn’t give a damn… Or letting her think I moved on that quickly… That’s not an option either.
She wants closure. I’ll fucking give it to her. She deserves that much.
Looking around, my eyes catch the lone bald eagle statue, and I just stare at it, feeling more guilt well up inside me. Whit is studying me when my gaze comes back to her, and she slowly moves out of my way.
“Be smart about this, Chase. Don’t break a girl who’s already broken.”
Chapter 21
MIKA
As she watched the bowling alley burn to the ground with all the things that tied her to this town, she wiped a tear away from her cheek. Detective Norris looked at her with pity weighing heavily in his eyes, while she watched the flames fight against the force of the firemen’s hoses, struggling to stay alive and take down every last memory before they could put it out.
In a way, she felt relieved, and a sense of satisfaction hit her. The man who had killed her husband couldn’t have survived that fire. He stole her bowling alley like he stole Thomas’s life. Without proof, no one could do anything about it, not even the cops. The forged will had held up in court. He’d taken everything from her.