The words were out, lying between them like a live grenade. She couldn’t take them back, wasn’t even certain she wanted to. Yet the timing was off in so many ways. Jessa had played the fool enough for one day. Did she really have to go and announce it out loud?
“He would never hurt you. You know he wouldn’t. Connor would stand in the way of anything or anyone that tried to hurt you, Jessa. I know you want the words. But please listen to his actions. You’ve got no idea how hard it is for a man like him to express feelings he barely understands.”
Jessa reached out and touched his arm. “If you’re so afraid of what I could do to him, Alex, why have you let it go on so long?”
“You make him happy. I’ve never seen him like this before. He smiles and laughs and relaxes with you. He actually talks in something other than that growl of his. Connor isn’t like me. He can’t live this shiftless life forever. He needs to be needed.”
“I need him,” Jessa whispered.
“Yeah, you do.”
* * *
The raised voices in the bar had stopped. Connor sat at his desk, waiting, uncertain what would happen next, but knowing he didn’t want to move things along. When someone pushed the door open, he was both relieved and disappointed to find Alex on the other side.
“Can I come in?”
“Since when do you ask?”
“Since today,” Alex said, shoving the door closed behind him and flopping into the extra chair.
Connor stretched in his chair until his back popped. He shot Alex a pointed look. “You’re sitting on my shirt.”
“Sorry, man.” Alex pulled the hunter green dress shirt off his chair and tossed it on the desk. “Why can’t you keep your clothes on?”
“Because Jessa just takes them off again.”
The fact that Alex had no response ready for his flippant comment spoke volumes to Connor. His friend’s face was troubled and a shadow concealed the laughter that usually filled his blue eyes.
“You’ve got to tell Jessa what happened that night with Melanie.”
Why this, why now? Why couldn’t the past stay in the past?
“It happened a long time ago, Alex. Let it lie.”
“That might work with anyone else. But it won’t work with her. She deserves to know.”
“Why? So she can leave?”
“I don’t think she’ll leave you.”
“I don’t want to risk it.”
“And if she finds out from someone else?”
“I’ll deal with that when and if it happens.”
Alex cursed and ripped his hands through his hair. “Do you not get this? If she finds out from someone else it’s going to look like you intentionally didn’t tell her!”
Connor pierced Alex with his most unnerving stare. The one that had sent rapists and murders on the inside scurrying for cover. Alex didn’t flinch. He didn’t back down, either.
“That might’ve worked on those scumbags in the pen, Connor. But I know you better than that. It won’t work on me. And it won’t work on Jessa.”
Alex didn’t bother to close the door on his way out. He just turned his back and left Connor feeling naked and alone.
How could he willingly tell Jessa something that was likely to make her look at him as if he had turned into some kind of monster? Wasn’t it better to pretend none of it ever happened? She deserved so much more than a man with a past like Connor’s. Without the past, he could pretend there was a future somewhere for the two of them.
* * *
The bar was full to the rafters and spilling out onto the street. Connor wasn’t overly surprised, given the fact that it was a summer weekend. What better activity was there for a hotter-than-hell night that to get rip roaring drunk?
It was hard to control the flow of patrons at the door and keep one eye tuned to the people already inside. Plus, Connor had his hands full with a steady stream of under-agers carrying fake IDs. He didn’t allow them in his bar. There were no exceptions to his rule. Given what usually went on in the dark recesses of the huge main room, he had his reasons. But it didn’t stop their determined curiosity.
“Connor!”
He turned to see Alex emphatically waving him over. Grunting at the line of people waiting to show ID, Connor clicked the cage shut and left his post to answer Alex’s summons. Connor didn’t like to leave the door on a busy night for anything, but there didn’t seem to be any other options open. It was just the three of them and Jessa had her hands full with over twenty tables full of rollicking drunks.
“He just passed out,” Alex said, pointing to a body draped across the bar.
Connor cursed beneath his breath as he lifted the man’s limp body over one shoulder. “Did you call a cab?”