Emory had made a complete fool of herself while naked in bed with a near stranger and he wanted to know if she was all right? “I’m so sorry, Alex.”
His brow furrowed, his pale eyebrows drawing together. “Why are you sorry? If a man completely fails to pleasure a woman, that’s his problem. Not hers.”
The idea that he could possibly think this was his fault was shameful. She had to set him straight, tell him the truth. “It isn’t you, it’s me.”
“That’s a bad line no matter when you use it.”
It was so odd to see him sitting on the edge of her bed. His body was utter and complete perfection. Every line, every groove and cut of his muscles was on display. She hadn’t known a man could be so beautiful. Handsome yes, but not on par with a classical Greek statue. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t orgasm with anyone. It wasn’t anything you were or weren’t doing.”
“You’ve never climaxed. Never?”
She headed off his next question. “Not even by myself.”
“Why not?”
How could she explain her emotional hang-ups to someone like Alex, who always seemed so self-assured? He’d brought her more pleasure than anyone else had ever managed. She’d tried having sex a total of three times before Alex. Each had been disastrous, the last one ending when her partner declared her a total nut job and left while still trying to pull his pants back on.
O babes, O babes, if you were mine
All alone and lone
I'd dress you up in silk, so fine
All down by th’ greenwood side
The song slipped through her mind, taunting her. Her mother might have wanted something better for her children, but in the end the only legacy they’d inherited had been pain and emotional turmoil.
He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand. “I’m not trying to pry, Emory. I just want to understand.”
“I guess I’ve never been very good at letting people get close to me.” That was an understatement of epic proportions, but she didn’t know what else to say. Unloading all of her baggage at once would probably make him the second guy to grab his clothes and bolt.
There was a lot of thinking going on behind his intense blue gaze. She wished she could read minds. Did he think she was insane? Was he angry that she’d tried to fake an orgasm? She was still reeling from the knowledge that he could tell the difference. That was something she’d never experienced before. Her other potential bedmates had gone through the foreplay and she’d faked an orgasm or two just to keep them interested. It’d always worked like a charm. Maybe if she’d tried to fake one during foreplay? Except that Alex was different. Wasn’t that what had drawn her to him to begin with?
The silence was growing heavy. She felt the need to absolve him of any sort of responsibility for her problem. “You can go if you want.”
He made a low sound in his throat. Before she could respond, he’d wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down into the bed. He dragged the rumpled duvet over their bodies and she snuggled into his warmth. The spicy male scent of his skin enveloped her senses.
“I know I’m not your first.” He tilted her chin up and she found she was unable to look away. “Did your other lovers not notice or not care?”
“Both?”
“Fuckers.”
The unexpected venom in his tone made her laugh. “There were only three tries before you. And not all of them made it to the finale.”
“Meaning?”
Embarrassed, she wanted to look away but couldn’t. “Sometimes I have these spells. I guess you could call them panic attacks. I kind of freeze up. It happened the first two times before we got very far. The last time it happened in the middle. I think he thought I was crazy.”
She could see him mulling this over, probably wondering when she’d go catatonic on him and he’d need to cut and run. It was something she’d wondered herself. What made Alex different? Instead of triggering the darkness, he brought the light.
There was still something bothering her about their failed romantic interlude. “I feel bad that I left you hanging like that.”
His arms tightened briefly. Cupping her cheek, he ran his thumb across her lower lip. The contact sent a riot of chills across her skin and a jolt of heat to her pussy. She abruptly wanted more. She wanted his cock back inside her, thrusting deep, hitting that sweet spot that brought such intense pleasure. Even though the lack of completion had started to grow almost painful, she wanted to feel as close to him as she had when they were locked together.
“I’ll live. It’s you I’m worried about. Going your whole life without an orgasm is just bollocks.”