Perfect Lie(54)

I slipped inside the front door of the massive two‐story house, careful not to wake him as he snored on the recliner in front of the television, and made my way to my room. The house had minimal decorations, because Uncle Greg was a perpetual bachelor and thought knickknacks and paintings were clutter. My room was just at the top of the stairs, and I sighed as I pushed open the door. I didn’t bother turning on the light because the moon shone brightly through the double doors that led to my balcony. Boxes of memories I had no intention of ever revisiting lined the left wall, but my uncle refused to throw them away. He insisted that one day I would regret tossing it all away, but all they did was remind me of the painful events that had brought me here. Still it warmed my heart that he had gone through the trouble of having my things sent here. It was nice to have someone who cared about my life.

I fell onto my California‐king‐size bed and stared at the ceiling fan until my heart rate slowed enough to allow me to get some rest.

“What do you think you’re doing?” My mom had her hands on her hips as she stood at my bedroom door. Her hair was dark like mine, but she rarely wore it down or took the time to make herself look presentable anymore. Although she was younger than the other moms, her skin was beginning to wrinkle from her two‐pack‐a‐day smoking habit. A cigarette dangled between her lips at this moment, and smoke drifted into my bedroom.

“I can’t stay here anymore.” I turned back to my bed, where I had gathered a few items and was shoving them into a tote bag.

“You runaway again, you can bet your ass you’re going right back to that shelter.”

My heart raced at the thought of going back to Brock, but I knew he’d be out any day now, and I’d just be alone again.

“No one wants me here. Not even you. What’s the point of forcing me to stay here and suffer?” I used the sleeve of my hoodie to wipe my tears as I continued to shove clothing into my bag.

“Who do you think you are, smartin’ off to me like that, girl? You got a lot of nerve.”

I turned around, and my mother was pointing at me with the two fingers that held her cigarette, her eyes narrowed in anger. “I don’t think I’m anyone, Mom. That’s the point. I’m a nobody. I just want to leave.” I was practically hysterical and couldn’t take much more of this. Any of it. Shelly was right; I should just end my suffering now.

“The seed of sin. Nothing good can come from that.”

I fell onto my bed, my legs unable to support me under the weight of her words. I covered my face with my hands as sobs racked my body.

“Why can’t you just love me? What did I ever do to you?” I knew better than to try to have any kind of meaningful conversation with my mom. I saw the nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s on the kitchen table. But I needed her now, and I was desperate.

“You were born.” Her voice was cold, and there was no emotion in her words. She simply closed my door, and I was left alone with my pain.

I had hit a wall in my life, and at only seventeen years old, I didn’t see any point in looking forward to tomorrow. I cried until the tears stopped coming, until my thoughts were a jumbled mess of sadness and regrets.

A knock came at my door, and I didn’t bother to respond. After another knock, my mom opened it, not bothering with an invitation.

“You have a phone call.”

I looked at her with confusion. No one ever called me. No one even had my number except…I jumped from my bed and shoved by her in the narrow doorway. I grabbed the phone from the kitchen counter, my lower lipped pulled between my teeth as I held the receiver midair, scared to find out who was on the other end. I couldn’t handle anymore disappointment.

“This is the first and last time a boy calls this house, you hear me? Last thing we need is another unwanted kid around here,” she slurred, and my heart was in my throat as I pulled the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” I asked, and a breathy sigh came through the other end.

“I’ve missed your voice, Bird.”

“Brock? Where are you? Are you out?” I looked around the room as if he’d suddenly manifest in the kitchen.

“Yeah. My mom picked me up this morning. I’ve been dying to call you for hours. I miss you.”

“I miss you so much. You have no idea.” I squeezed my eyes closed as I forced back the sadness that had plagued me all day. I twisted the phone cord around my fingers.

“I need to see you, Bird. I can’t take being out without you.”

“Same here, but my mom would flip if she found out I was gone.” I glanced behind me to make sure she wasn’t listening. When I was certain she had retreated to her bedroom, I couldn’t help smile.