I closed my eyes, bathing in the touch of another person. It had been too long since I’d been hugged, held, or cared for.
We turned left at the top of the stairs and entered a room I hadn’t seen. As he pushed the door open, I blinked, adjusting to the darkness. Abel walked a few steps inside and placed me on a mattress. I curled onto my side, and a blanket was draped over my legs. I heard the shuffle of his feet and the squeak of the door closing, and I was alone.
I don’t know how long I was able to hold my eyes open, but eventually sleep won out, and I drifted into twisted nightmares and sad memories. The banging sound inside my skull was as real as hearing it with my own ears, and I sat up, soaked in sweat, my throat raw, and worried I may have screamed in real life. The door shoved open, and I saw the silhouette of Abel, wearing only boxer briefs.
“Are you OK?” His voice was throaty and harsh from the night of partying. His eyes darted around the room, and he relaxed when he realized I was alone. I couldn’t relax or stop the tears as they poured down my face, washing away the lies, the perfect facade.
He stepped closer but hesitated, waiting to be welcomed.
“Yes.” My voice cracked under the weight of my lie.
He sighed audibly as his hands ran over his messy hair and he stepped closer. “Nightmare?” He crouched in front of me, and I nodded, not wanting my weakness to show in my words again. “You want a glass of water?”
I shook my head because I felt like a fool. “I just need to catch my breath.” I shoved the blanket all the way off my legs, loving the cool night air against the sticky sweat that clung to my body.
“You want to watch the sun rise?” His head cocked to the side, and I laughed because I was embarrassed.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” I told him.
“You didn’t wake me. I couldn’t sleep either.”
I wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or didn’t want me to feel bad, but it helped, and I smiled.
“Let’s go.” Abel grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. I groaned, my head feeling heavy from the fog of the pills.
I glanced around the room. I’d slept on a single bed, and a dresser was pushed up against the opposite wall. It didn’t seem like a permanent residence, but someone had to be spending a lot of time here. I was thankful they hadn’t show up while I was sleeping.
“Let me grab my pants.” Abel disappeared into the room where we’d smoked last night, and my heart sank. He had slept in an empty room on the hard wooden floor because I had fucked up…as usual.
“Were you supposed to sleep in the bed last night?” I asked, as I watched the muscles in his back pull and stretch as he bent down to pull his jeans on.
He grabbed a cigarette from his pack and lit it, turning to face me, his pants undone and riding low on his tanned hips.
“Nah. I was going to sleep on one of the couches, but our friends got a little crazy last night. I needed to be alone.”
I nodded but didn’t believe him, and I felt worse. He waited for me to leave the room and followed behind as we crept down the creaky steps to the front door. I glanced into the living room and saw a mass of blond hair and tangled limbs. I shook my head as I stepped into the fresh, warm air. The clouds were starting to fade into color as I sat on the steps and stared at the sky.
“I try never to be up early enough to see this.” I laughed as Able sat next to me.
“I never seem to sleep through a full night.” He looked at the ground, and I knew he had a story to tell, but it wasn’t mine to hear. I barely knew him, and the last thing he probably wanted was a stranger prying into his business. I merely nodded, knowing exactly how he felt.
“How long have you known Trish?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “I don’t really. I know of her. Adam has a big mouth.”
“I say the same thing about Trish.”
His lips twisted into a knowing smile, and he laughed quietly as he stared at the sky. I felt guilty for talking badly about her, even if what I’d said was true. Trish never would have argued about what kind of person she was. She knew; she just didn’t care, and I envied her for that.
The clouds grew pink and purple, and the sky transformed into blue as we watched.
“Why Florida?” I asked, as I rubbed my bare legs, wishing again I had worn jeans.
“You tell me.” He glanced at me, and neither of us was giving in, so I changed the subject, because that was how I dealt with things. I changed, adapted, and disappeared.
“Why don’t you go to class?” I asked, and more silence followed as he pulled a deep drag from his cigarette and flicked it out into the grass.