“Long time no see,” I said in greeting as I shut the front door.
“I’ve missed you too,” was his simple, but heartfelt response. “Where’s Indy?” He was referring to my fearless attack pug who happened to be snoring in his dog bed beside the fireplace, totally unaware that we even had a visitor.
“He’ll come running the minute he smells the pizza.” I led the way to my kitchen and pulled out some plates out of the cabinet. “I was surprised to get your text, but I’m glad to spend time with you.”
“Chase had dinner plans with JJ and I didn’t see why I should sit home alone.” Gray piled a few slices of pizza on his plate and grabbed a beer. Ah, things suddenly fell into place. I wasn’t sure what upset me the most – the fact that I would forever be the backup plan for Gray or that Chase was spending time with Jag. My thoughts were as bitter as Gray’s voice, but fuck if I was going to expose my irritation.
“Well, let’s kick back, catch up, and watch some ball.” I tried to keep my voice modulated so not to give away my inner frustrations. I reached up into another cabinet and pulled down an ice bucket I kept for nights like tonight, when we’d be too lazy to want to make a fridge run. I thought I might down my four or five beers in record time that night.
“I didn’t mean that as bad as it sounded, Miller.” Gray put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me from walking over to the built-in ice maker on my refrigerator. “I’m sorry that I sounded like you were nothing more than a substitution. I don’t feel that way at all and I’m very glad to relax at your house, knock a few beers back, and devour some greasy pizza. I’m only sour because of who Chase is having dinner with, not that I can’t be separated from his side.”
I nodded in acceptance of his apology and he released me. “I think you need to let this thing with JJ go, Gray,” I told him after I filled the bucket with ice and submerged the beer in between the icy rocks. “Chase is crazy about you and if you keep harping on him about a relationship that ended a long time ago then you’ll push him away.”
“A long time ago,” Gray scoffed and followed me out of the kitchen. “It wasn’t long ago at all; in fact, the last time they had sex was the time that Chase showed up to work on his first day and learned that I was his boss. We weren’t dating then, but it was Chase’s natural reflex to call JJ when he wanted to feel better.”
I plopped down on my couch, a sick feeling had taken root in my stomach and I wasn’t sure why. Was I upset for Gray or myself? Indy sat down by my feet and looked at me with his big brown eyes. He cocked his head to the side because he knew I couldn’t resist his cuteness. I pulled off a pepperoni and blew on it before I fed it to him.
“Spoiled dog,” Gray said around a mouthful of food.
I didn’t want to talk about my amazing dog; I wanted to talk to him about Chase and Jag. “Okay, so they were screwing each other more recently than I thought, but that doesn’t have to mean anything. Plenty of guys hook up when they get horny or emotional, especially with someone they know is safe. Chase had just been hit with a double whammy when it came to you. Who cares if JJ was calling…?”
“JJ wasn’t doing the calling, Chase was.” Hmm, that caught me by surprise. “Chase told me that they would go months or even years without having sex, but when they did it was always him seeking JJ out, as if that made me feel any fucking better.” Gray’s grumbling brought a quick smile to my face, which I quickly hid. It made me feel better, even though I refused to evaluate why at that particular moment. “JJ practically came right out and told me he was in love with Chase the night of the charity ball when I nearly ruined everything when I stupidly downplayed my relationship with Chase to Devon at the charity event.”
“Oh.” Whatever brief joy I had felt evaporated into thin air. “That was a few months ago, Gray. I’m sure he’s realized that Chase belongs with you and has moved on.”
“That’s not how love works, Miller. You just don’t move on at the snap of a finger because the person you want is in love with someone else. Depending on how much you love that person, you might not move on for a very long time - if ever.”
“Oh.” I sounded as deflated as I felt, but luckily for me Gray still thought I was concerned about his circumstance and not my own. Why would he think any different? He had no idea that I was twisted up over a guy who played the field as much, or more, than I did. Jag and I had one night that probably didn’t even register on the scale of importance to him. Besides, it wasn’t like I wanted to date him or anything so there was no reason for me to sit there and pout into my pizza.