Before he could move away, I grabbed his hand. The coarse feel of his skin sent a wave of desire through me. I needed this connection with him. To feel him. To know he was real, that this was real. Because my life was anything but and suddenly, I needed it to be. “Why do you keep saving me when all I do is disappoint you?”
Deck’s brows lowered and he tried to slip his hand from mine, but I tightened my grip. His scowl intensified. “Georgie. Don’t.” I let his hand go. “Take a shower. Tyler brought over some things for you while you slept. They’re in the bathroom.”
I felt every single word hit me in the heart. It was Deck stomping on my chest with his combat boot and watching as it squished my heart into a pancake. He didn’t even want to touch my hand. Yeah, well, what did I expect?
He walked to the door.
Maybe that was why it was so much easier to be someone I wasn’t. He rejected her, not the real me. I could push it away and drown it out. But now, it was like my two worlds were colliding and I had no escape.
He stopped in the doorway and then without turning said, “No more lies.”
I inhaled sharply and he must have heard me because his shoulders tensed. But he didn’t look at me; instead, he walked away.
THE WARM WATER ran over my skin like a heated silk sheet then pooled at my feet. I leaned up against the tiled wall and closed my eyes, his words repeating over and over in my head.
Telling the truth wasn’t so simple. Never would be and yet …
The bathroom door opened.
I forced myself to remain still as Deck walked in.
I swallowed then licked my lips as my heart began to pound. He leaned against the counter, crossing his arms with his head tilted slightly down as if he were looking at his feet. Unusual for Deck; he met everything head-on without hesitation.
The water hit my breasts and my nipples hardened. Between my legs fluttered with tingles and I knew if I touched myself, I’d feel the slick moisture of what Deck did to me without a single touch.
I did the only thing I was comfortable doing when in a situation which made me uneasy—I used my sass. “You going to stand there or join me?” I was a little surprised that even through the fogged door, I saw his jaw clench.
“You’ve been lying to me.”
I froze for a second, swallowed then picked up the shampoo bottle and pretended to be unconcerned as I squirted the coconut-smelling liquid into my hand. “Jesus, Deck, are you really going to bring this up while I’m in the shower naked with you standing two feet away?”
I closed my eyes and began massaging my head.
The shower door opened and suddenly he was standing a foot away. “What the fuck is going on?”
Now, this was the Deck I expected, yet I was still unprepared, especially naked in the shower with soap all over me. Maybe the sass hadn’t been a good idea.
I was uncertain what he knew, didn’t know what lies he was referring to. There were so many I didn’t even know myself what part of me was the truth and what wasn’t. But revealing any of the truths had consequences—he warned me, and I’d known the rules when it all began. At the time, I never thought Deck was coming back.
His gaze trailed down my naked, glistening body and I felt as if it were his fingertips. Goosebumps bristled and my knees weakened. Our eyes met, and I recognized the desire in the depths of his.
I wanted him so badly it was pathetic, and I hated myself for it. We stared at one another for several seconds; the only sound was the water peppering my flushed skin.
He stepped under the spray and blocked it from hitting me as he came in close, stopping only when his jean-clad thighs brushed against mine. I glanced down at his bare feet and then slowly back up again. He was watching me. And it was taking every part of my strength to deny him.
“Deck …”
“No.” His hands came down on my shoulders and his fingers tightened. I winced under the pressure. “When you open your mouth, I want the words explaining why the fuck you’re not currently shaking and trembling and going through withdrawal.”
Shit. I’d been so freaked out over the purge, then the hospital and the dream that I hadn’t even considered the reality that Deck would realize my drinking had been a lie. I’d thought he’d been referring to the cuts on my body. But after no drinking for over thirty hours … an alcoholic would have withdrawal symptoms, the shakes being one of them.
I opened my mouth to deny, to make up some shit story I knew he’d see right through, but I had nothing. I couldn’t even begin to figure out a story that would remotely explain except for the truth, and I couldn’t give him what he wanted. What I wanted.